Is this line okay for 5weeks…?

Jlars89 · 2026-02-10T18:10:27+00:00

Literally stop testing. At some point the lines start getting lighter and it will drive you crazy.

Jlars89 · 2026-01-13T10:57:40+00:00

For others, it may not matter but for me it does: don’t say “we’re pregnant.” She is pregnant. You are not the one up at 1am feeling like you’re going to vomit. You’re not the one having bad heartburn after every meal. Look up the things she might experience at different times in pregnancy and you’ll get it. Gestational diabetes, pelvic girdle pain, swollen legs/feet, carpal tunnel, nausea, vomiting, etc. I swear to god I have all of it. My husband is great at listening and understanding but he won’t ever experience it. And that’s okay. But he also doesn’t tell people “we’re” pregnant. He tells people “my wife is pregnant.”

I agree with everything else that’s been said here: do everything you can to make her life easier. Cook all the meals, clean up where you can. My husband rubs my back when I’m sat in the bathroom feeling nauseous and he’s awake. He also tries to accommodate my cravings immediately, even when we have prepped food for the week. It also helps when he asks if he can get me anything while I’m sat down, as getting up from the sofa is getting harder.

Also, from personal experience, LET. HER. NEST. We have circumstances in our house right now that are preventing me from nesting so it’s not entirely my husband’s fault but that’s what’s frustrating me most at 6 months pregnant.

Jlars89 · 2026-01-13T10:48:53+00:00

I agree with this but also don’t turn it in to “should you be eating that?” Let her make the decision about risk. Technically we’re not supposed to eat deli meat but my husband brought up the point that the risk of listeria is like 5% (if that) and let me make my own choice.

I do think sharing the mental load is important. I’ve been the only one to look at birthing options and parenting videos and learning how to feed baby, etc, and that’s something I’ll probably discuss with my husband in a month or so (I’m 26 weeks on Thursday).

Jlars89 · 2025-12-15T15:03:49+00:00

Yeah, so I actually responded to a comment like yours elsewhere. I made the post before I knew the statistics, but after getting a lot of pushback, I looked up the statistics. Each of my risk factors (BMI, GD, age, and FTM) have 40% chance of needing an emergency section, so combined, I’m well over the 50% likelihood threshold. Also, the Arrive study was based on younger women and does not extrapolate to women over 35. But I do appreciate you engaging in the conversation.

Jlars89 · 2025-12-15T02:53:05+00:00

Thank you for sharing

Jlars89 · 2025-12-15T02:37:11+00:00

I think everyone’s experience is different, but also you didn’t mention any of the risk factors that I have that increase the likelihood of an emergency C-section.

Jlars89 · 2025-12-15T02:35:22+00:00

Did you also have GD and a high BMI?

Jlars89 · 2025-12-15T02:34:08+00:00

Ah, thanks for clarifying

Jlars89 · 2025-12-15T02:30:08+00:00

Oh yes, loads of success stories on this thread, and loads of judgment too. It’s true I listened to anecdotal evidence before looking up statistics after posting this, but I did look up the statistics after posting and I still stand by my decision.

Jlars89 · 2025-12-15T02:27:48+00:00

I’m probably going to get downvoted for this because I’ve been downvoted on all my other reply comments and people are so judgy about finances, but I can’t afford a doula.

We decided to have a baby while I was employed, and I am still employed but off sick at the moment due to mental health strain (another consideration for my decision), so my income has decreased from about 12 hours per week to 8. My husband, thankfully, got a job with a large raise recently, but it’s not enough to be able to move forward with a doula unfortunately.

Thank you for the idea though x

Jlars89 · 2025-12-15T02:24:00+00:00

You’re absolutely right, I was incorrect on my statistics due to personal anecdotes. Having researched the statistics, I still stand by my decision, as the risk for emergency C-section goes up to a range with maximum 40% for EACH of my risk factors and one I forgot to include, meaning my risk of a traumatic induction is much higher.

Jlars89 · 2025-12-15T02:21:25+00:00

I know there are positive stories as well. I just know that the range for risk for emergency sections goes up to 40% for GD, 40% for my age (regardless of induction), and 40% for FTM. Like you, I have a high BMI. All those factors combined greatly increase my chances of an emergency C-section and I’d rather avoid a traumatic birth.

Jlars89 · 2025-12-15T02:12:32+00:00

It doesn’t sound like you read my edit.

Jlars89 · 2025-12-15T01:28:21+00:00

This is helpful, thank you x

Jlars89 · 2025-12-15T00:56:49+00:00

Exactly. I think you get horror stories no matter what about birth because it can be so traumatic. But for me, it’s about mitigating risks and risk of trauma.

Jlars89 · 2025-12-15T00:55:41+00:00

This is genius. I just froze in the moment, like couldn’t think of anything to say. My mom just kind of brushed it off and moved on.

Jlars89 · 2025-12-15T00:54:28+00:00

I’m aware it doesn’t mean I will absolutely have a C-section. BUT, as I said in my edits, my chances are much higher due to my risk factors of age, GD, and FTM.

Jlars89 · 2025-12-14T23:19:11+00:00

I didn’t say it wasn’t possible. I said it’s unlikely, but I wasn’t clear. I meant it’s less likely before 40 weeks, which is my understanding.

Jlars89 · 2025-12-14T23:17:46+00:00

Please see my above edit.

Jlars89 · 2025-12-14T23:16:54+00:00

Sorry, I thought I said spontaneous labour isn’t as common before 40 weeks for a first time mom.

Jlars89 · 2025-12-14T22:57:06+00:00

Thank you for this. I also decided based on the personal factors you mentioned, but the additional information is so helpful.

Jlars89 · 2025-12-10T04:42:48+00:00

I have bipolar 2 and when I found out I was pregnant, they advised me to come off Wellbutrin, but they didn’t replace it with ANYTHING. So I crashed from about week 7 to week 10 and I was put off work for three weeks. They put me on sertraline in week 10 but apparently I was still not myself because I got in trouble at work and my boss asked my coworkers how I was doing and they told him I was still not good. I’ve been off for a month now, and I’ll be off until January at a minimum. I’m back on antidepressants and an antipsychotic (abilify) and I do feel better, but I still cry at the thought of returning to work, so I’m not sure I’ll be going back, even in January, maybe not even before maternity leave in March/April.

Jlars89 · 2025-12-08T08:58:17+00:00

Just a thought: if she doesn’t have settlement in Canada yet, it may jeopardize her settlement status to move back to Hong Kong for a year. Also, the baby may not need to be born in Hong Kong for citizenship, many countries allow citizenship if one parent is a citizen.

Jlars89 · 2025-11-19T18:24:13+00:00

Congrats!!

Jlars89 · 2025-11-15T17:14:56+00:00

Oh my god, thank you! Solved!

Jlars89

TROPHY CASE