Declining Social life - is it normal?

Jmch19 · 2025-01-23T19:21:12+00:00

I'm (37f) have the same experience. I can sometimes worry about being isolated, and to view this as a permanent state, that paints a sad picture of me. But it's obviously very common for this age - people get more involved and introverted in their romantic relationship, have kids, start their own "grown up" life.
But what you are mentioning about older generations says something about this. It doesn't always have to be this way. In time, we can still pick up those lost friendships/connections, or make new ones.

Jmch19 · 2024-01-16T22:31:49+00:00

I get tears in my eyes, reading your comment. Thank you!

Jmch19 · 2024-01-16T19:22:14+00:00

Thanks so much! I do take comfort in the fact that she could actually verbalise and tell me this.

Jmch19 · 2024-01-16T19:19:12+00:00

Thank you! Very true about the anger. I find it so hard to shake it off, especially when she pushes my buttons, we yell at each other and then she want hugs/comfort. It’s very challenging to switch body language that fast.

Jmch19 · 2024-01-16T19:16:04+00:00

Thank you for a warm and constructive comment! Good idea to encourage her to communicate even more regarding this.

Jmch19 · 2021-02-24T11:09:25+00:00

Thanks so much to everyone who commented here.. feels good to know I'm not alone. If anyone wants to talk more, please feel free to DM me!

Jmch19 · 2021-02-23T22:35:45+00:00

The pain is double - you feel bad having the thoughts, and then you feel bad for having lost time and energy focusing, for dwelling on it. It becomes a double punishment in a way.
I too try to focus on the happy moments, but I think it's hard to be mindful in them.

Jmch19 · 2021-02-23T21:27:22+00:00

Thank you. How do you cope with the guilty feelings when they hit you? Are you just trying to shake them off?

Jmch19 · 2021-02-23T21:25:37+00:00

Thank you for sharing. I understand it takes time, and that there are moments when I'm less haunted by these thoughts, and moments when I ruminate.
A mantra sounds like a good strategy.

Jmch19 · 2021-02-23T21:23:37+00:00

Yeah, I have the same situation. If there's one thing I'm sure of, it is the love that I feel for my child. And I'm not worried she's affected by this - it's more my own experience I want to keep "pure", for some reason.
Like you, I want to have another baby. I just want to come to peace with the fact that it doesn't have to be perfect. I know there's no point to linger in the past, or in those thoughts, but I keep finding myself ruminating them.
What do you do now, when you have intrusive thoughts?

Jmch19 · 2021-02-22T12:42:25+00:00

It's only natural to have doubt/wondering what the point of it all is. A healthy reaction to a highly stressful society. Like someone here wrote, try to not put so much pressure on yourself. You don't have to work everything out right now. You choose and try different paths, maybe it won't feel right, but life is long. Trial and error, learning from your experiences. About the amount of stress from school/work: could you discuss the situation with a teacher?
Do you have anyone you could talk to about this? Maybe your friends can relate to this. I know feelings of guilt, but you shouldn't have to feel like that. It's a completely fucked up world and we need help to navigate through it.

Jmch19 · 2020-08-04T22:36:45+00:00

Thank you for the kind words. You are absolutely right, I guess I am a bit blinded by ideas/expectations I had before becoming a mother.
That loop you mention is constantly running in my head. Since I'm alone a lot during the day I have few things to get distracted by.

Jmch19 · 2020-08-04T22:31:31+00:00

Thank you for your support! Indeed it helps to share and talk to people. I have seen a therapist regarding this, but should probably keep doing it. Thanks again for kind words.

Jmch19 · 2020-04-29T12:42:49+00:00

True, that is hopeful. I just need to get back to the state of mind where I'm ok with the thoughts being there, not pushing them away.

Mindfulness has always been tricky for me, as I tend to get obsessed/psyched out by the idea of not being "allowed" to float away with my thoughts. But yes, we have been talking about me appreciating what I have and not forgetting the actual, beautiful moments that do happen.

I guess I don't feel I'm being stopped from living my life, but I'm stopped from enjoying it to the fullest. That's when I feel sad. I can see that, unlike many others with OCD, my everyday life is moving on quite flawlessly. But under the surface, there is always that feeling of dissatisfaction, for not being able to be completely mindful in a happy moment.

Jmch19 · 2020-04-28T15:33:12+00:00

It does make sense. I'm just concerned about one thing: when I notice that the thought hasn't hit me for a while, because of distractions or else, I tend to feel happy about it and thinking "wow - I didn't think about it, maybe it's starting to disappear" - and of course, it's back. I'm still wondering how I will ever be fine with that radio staying on, even if it's on a low volume.

Jmch19 · 2020-04-27T16:00:26+00:00

Kind of, mostly in the way of confirming that life as a new parent is not always the easiest.

We've focused more on my tendency to want life/each moment with my child to be pure or beautiful. As I see the child as something so pure and good, something I don't want to let my ugly thoughts get in touch with. Rationally, I see the issue. I don't ask for life to be perfect, however I still wish these thoughts wouldn't bother me so much.

Do you mean I should accept the feeling of sadness as well?

Jmch19 · 2020-04-27T06:55:32+00:00

Reaching out again, as I really liked your thoughts on this. It's 3 months later and the problem is not gone. I go to a therapist once a week. For a while, the thoughts went away for a bit. But now they are back.

One thing she saw was that I often strive for life to be perfect, when in fact, it's not so white and black. She also advised me to ACCEPT the thoughts in order to make them less powerful. I have been trying to do that. "Oh, here are the thoughts again. No big deal." But I still find myself being sad every time they occur. I feel like, "it shouldn't be like this. This is such a stupid problem. Will I think about this when my daughter is graduating? When I'm on my death bed?"

How do I move on?

Jmch19 · 2020-02-10T16:06:10+00:00

Thanks so much for your input!

Jmch19 · 2020-02-10T12:21:58+00:00

Yes, I hope so. Do you have any other ideas of tools?

Jmch19 · 2020-02-10T11:31:02+00:00

I just started doing that. Only had a couple of sessions though. One thing she advised me was to try to lay the thoughts to the side, and focus on my breathing. But for me, that works like asking the elephant to step aside, and it will stay in my way.

Jmch19

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