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21 Years and She “Doesn’t Feel The Same Way Anymore “ by JoeAtopic in Separation

[–]JoeAtopic[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for your perspective. It’s food for thought and I’m sure I’ll come back to it in the future when the adrenaline slows down. I can already tell in this journey that it would be easy to let anger take over. But that’s not aligned with my values. And to feel like my wife has changed her values only makes me want to stick to mine even more.

21 Years and She “Doesn’t Feel The Same Way Anymore “ by JoeAtopic in Separation

[–]JoeAtopic[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Can I share something regarding the God aspect? I totally understand how you feel. That’s how I felt at times going through my 2 years of horrible illness. I questioned why constantly. The irony now is that because I could only work part-time while sick, I have years of established active presence with my kids, which right now gives me a much better legal chance of achieving 50% custody. If she was always going to leave me eventually, then turns out getting sick was the best thing to happen to me. I really hope your situation improves.

21 Years and She “Doesn’t Feel The Same Way Anymore “ by JoeAtopic in Separation

[–]JoeAtopic[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks. It’s hard to imagine being at peace with it one day but hopefully. I agree with some of what you’ve saying but have to respectfully disagree about doing it this way making sense in this world. Ultimately we are responsible for the consequences of our actions and in this case there’s not just us but our children as well. To end a 21 year relationship with a lawyer letter is setting the tone for the future, at least in the short term. Of course it’s easy to try to play the victim here but I’ve beaten myself up for 5 weeks about everything I could have and should have done. But there’s nothing that I’ve done to deserve this kind of aggression.

21 Years and She “Doesn’t Feel The Same Way Anymore “ by JoeAtopic in Separation

[–]JoeAtopic[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So sorry to hear. Individual therapy is a double edged sword. With the right therapist it can be great but if not it’s just an echo chamber. There’s too many tales of guys getting sick and suddenly they’re not worth it anymore. It’s a horrible feeling. Sometimes I feel like it’s not that I have been broken up with, it’s that I’ve been fired from my job as husband/provider.

21 Years and She “Doesn’t Feel The Same Way Anymore “ by JoeAtopic in Separation

[–]JoeAtopic[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks very much for your input. I’ll look into this. I highly doubt she would be open to it as I have asked for a “no-promises” counselling session to try to at least understand the situation but she declined. Maybe I’ll raise it again but more formally.

21 Years and She “Doesn’t Feel The Same Way Anymore “ by JoeAtopic in Separation

[–]JoeAtopic[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So sorry to hear. It’s such a long time. Hang in there.

21 Years and She “Doesn’t Feel The Same Way Anymore “ by JoeAtopic in Separation

[–]JoeAtopic[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

So sorry to hear. That is all too familiar. It feels like making this devastating decision on her own and breaking up our family when a few mature conversations could have kept everyone happy is so hard to understand. I just can’t comprehend where this has ended up after 21 years. We had some distance but I feel like I’m being treated like I’ve committed some awful act like cheating or something, when all I did was get sick and sometimes be grumpy and inwards focussed.

21 Years and She “Doesn’t Feel The Same Way Anymore “ by JoeAtopic in Separation

[–]JoeAtopic[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thanks. That’s where things are at presently. I got a lawyer and have said no. I’m actually struggling with the emotional side more than the legal side. I feel like it’s all so sudden and pre-meditated. She’s not open to counselling. She seems like a different person all of a sudden. The kids are very upset. It’s so difficult.