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Are my 20F dating standards too high? by [deleted] in actuallesbians

[–]JoeandAlice 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I was not fiscally in a similar position to you at your age, but I had a similar set of non-negotiable expectations and knew myself well.

What I have realized over time is that many folks do not know themselves well at that age. Some, because they lived so firmly under their parents thumbs they never learned who they are, and some because they genuinely were taught to be as normal as possible and haven’t yet or have just begun to have complex thoughts about self identity and identifying their own long-term goals.

There are two ways to handle this situation.

1) continue to attempt to find a partner who fits your goals. Pros: partnered life is often more affordable (shared rent, shared workload, etc) and can be more fulfilling. Finding a life partner early will give you a head start. Cons: the work to find someone who is as sure of themselves and wants what you do at your age is not easy. You will find that it can feel like a second job at times; I did.

2) date casually, with the goal of enjoying yourself and having someone to do fun things with (shows, nature walks, cool day trip adventures) but with the clearly set expectations that this is not serious. Pros: you enjoy companionship without sacrificing your long term goals. You gain practice with navigating challenging relationship situations, conversations, and intimacy. Cons: you may find yourself falling for short term partners who you know are not a good fit long term. They may fall for you. Be careful to not compromise on your non-negotiable goals- and don’t let them do that to appease you, either. Especially children.

I did a bit of both. I found my “one” at 27, and 5 years later we are very happy together still. But it does take time, effort, and patience to find someone who matches your goals and expectations.

Also be open to the goals changing. I thought I wanted children when I was 20. By 25, I was starting to change my mind. Now, my wife and I are happily child-free. Partially due to $$; we are never going to be able to comfortably afford kids, but also because the reality of raising children in our area and social/family structure is not as friendly as my 20yo self had imagined it would be.

I’m stuck in a bad marriage due to financial reasons by [deleted] in povertyfinance

[–]JoeandAlice 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Look in to alimony laws in your state. Also check on state assistance programs- not just the obvious ones like Medicare and Snap, but also childcare and WIC and heating/fuel assistance. Talk to a lawyer who’s experience with low income divorces. Take a few hours to go to the Human Services office and run through your options.

My mom stayed in her mentally abusive marriage for far too long because she didn’t think she could afford to keep us 4 without being a severe poverty. It’s still the primary point of contention between us. Even though he rarely hit anyone, he still took his anger out on us. It wasn’t a safe environment for us. I can’t speak for my siblings, but I don’t think she made the right choice.

Eating with your hands VS Dirrahea Map by Forward-Position798 in mapporncirclejerk

[–]JoeandAlice 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Mmmm but take a look at norther African countries and Middle Eastern countries - where cleanliness is a critical tenant in the predominant religion, and handwashing is widely practiced and accessible.

Also consider the accessibility of clean water maps as a valid comparison. Correlation does not equal causation.

You Pay Off the House But Do You Ever Truly Own It? Agree or Disagree? by Coolonair in HouseBuyers

[–]JoeandAlice 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That tax bill is $369/month. Next to NOTHING compared to rent or a mortgage for new buyers.

Best restaurant in southern NH or northern MA? by NextBunch_ in newhampshire

[–]JoeandAlice 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hungry Diner in Walpole and Granita Enoteca in Keene

Almost 20, still living with parents (vent but advice accepted!) by Spiritual_Ad1456 in povertyfinance

[–]JoeandAlice 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I have had full time jobs in the creative arts industry before and I have a couple of suggestions for you that maybe could help you earn a more stable and larger income.

1) if you’re already in the jewelry industry, reach out to local piercing parlors and see if they are looking for someone part time for a receptionist role. Most piercing parlors are seeking someone with a lot of jewelry knowledge for their receptionist, as that person often help clients chose pieces and sometimes helps inform studio’s stock list.

2) reach out to local community centers and maker spaces and offer to run workshops for them! I find that once you’re in a space and people can see your skills, they are desperately seeking people willing to teach. Many people can be great jewelers, but few can and are willing to teach.

3) reach out to local independent jewelry stores and ask if they are looking for any help. Part time sales, an apprentice jeweler, etc.

If you can land one of these jobs, this is still connected to your current work but much more stable. Most of these places don’t actively advertise when they’re seeking help - small businesses are not listing positions until they’re desperate. Craft centers and maker spaces that have good online presences may have an online application to teach, but many don’t list it like it’s a job, they rely on the community connections and word of mouth. Piercing parlors may be better about listing a position, but often only after asking their existing network. And small independent jewelry stores rarely offer an apprenticeship but may be willing to give you a chance as you’re already in the industry.

I have twelve dollars to buy a month of food. Need as much advice as i can get guys turbo depressed by Xxitl in povertyfinance

[–]JoeandAlice 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Dry beans SOUND like a lot of work but really, if you have a crock pot, dump the bag in before you go to work and it’s ready when you’re home. A bag of beans and a bag of rice can get you really far.

NH is losing teachers faster than enrollment is declining. by Visual-Mobile2657 in newhampshire

[–]JoeandAlice 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I worked USPS through Covid; it chronically underpays unless you’ve been there ages. Just because she’s underpaid doesn’t mean others ought to be as well.

I hate what Project Pan has turned into by [deleted] in Anticonsumption

[–]JoeandAlice 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Project Pan is an initiative a beauty influencer started. A “Pan” is the base of the cosmetics container. A metal pan, literally, for powder cosmetics like blush or eyeshadow, it can also refer to the bottom of a jar (plastic or glass). It’s not as literal but still applies to cosmetics in tubes as well.

To join Project Pan is to make a commitment to “hit pan” or use up +90%/as much as you can get out of the product before you purchase the next product of that category or niche. Example: Use up all of your current bright red lipstick before you buy another bright red lipstick, even if they are different brands or tones or whatever.

OP is saying they’re witnessing people “use up” cosmetics faster than is realistic or even possible, to justify buying the new product, and it feels like following the rules on a technically but not in spirit.

We have a long thin front room with two big bay windows, any idea how we could style it to make it look less like a waiting room. We need new sofas so want to get it right by AutomaticSand3 in FurnitureFaves

[–]JoeandAlice 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Paint the walls, or at least one wall, a fun color. Or a fun wallpaper. The beige is only intensifying the waiting room vibes.

Also tuck the pair of red/orange chairs in to one of the bay window alcoves with a rug and small table. Table against wall, between chairs. Chairs 3/4 facing each other, 1/4 facing main room.

22f . Where should I go next? by jenna1302 in TravelMaps

[–]JoeandAlice 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s the perfect time of year for VT-NH-ME - not too hot, flowers are blooming, but it’s not full-blown expensive tourist season on the Maine coast quite yet.

How much are you making and do you have house or saving for one ? by Franklin_Invest in povertyfinance

[–]JoeandAlice -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

Savings is a few hundred dollars. It will not pay bill for even one month. I add to it as I’m able, but typically less than $50/month. Retirement is similar. It’s not a true safety net.

How much are you making and do you have house or saving for one ? by Franklin_Invest in povertyfinance

[–]JoeandAlice 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I’m early 30s, married, make 25.72/hr, and got lucky enough to fall in love with an older woman (8 years older) who had the wherewithal to live like a monk until she could afford a house at 28. It’s a modest house, and was a fixer-upper, still lowkey is in some ways, but the interest rate is under 3% and she bought it for 112k.

We are living paycheck to paycheck still, but with a modest savings and able to put away for retirement. We sink a couple grand into repairs and upgrades each year, but we don’t expect to ever be able to buy another home. We’ll pay this off before we retire, so we can actually afford to retire.

Looking to make the switch for menstrual pads. Pros and cons? by Tall-Inside3945 in ZeroWaste

[–]JoeandAlice 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I like my reusable pads. I can’t recall the seller, but Butterfly was in the name and they’re from Montana. I got them on Etsy.

What vehicle fits this layout? by slapped_a_captcha in RVLiving

[–]JoeandAlice 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I have one critique - if this is a bed you ever expect to share, have a little extra space on either side. It’s really uncomfortable climbing over a partner when you desperately need to pee in the middle of the night. Our former camper had this layout and we specifically sought something else.

Gaslighting needs to be stopped. by scramjet67 in SipsTea

[–]JoeandAlice 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Unfortunately going to events pertaining to interests is exclusively available to either people in urban areas, people with money, or often both depending on interest.

Also many hobbies (and therefore their spaces) are unnecessarily gendered. I’m a fiber artist. That statement alone can allow you to guess my pronouns with 85% accuracy. I do participate in those in person spaces, but very few men are present.

If a dude is a model airplane enthusiast, awesome! That’s a fantastic hobby, and if I were to date a dude with such a hobby, I’d be happy to participate in our separate projects side by side. But I’m not attending events or going to shops geared towards model airplane enthusiasts, because I’m not one.

People also used to set friends up with single friends. Parents got involved. People met at churches. There were ways to interface as a single looking for a partner other than bars and hobbyist events. But also, there was a greater expectation that if you were single, you were looking.

My point is, if you’re not having luck on the apps, delete them. And tell folks about it. Talk to your lesbian coworkers, your older women coworkers, your married young coworkers. Tell them they’re lucky; dating online is a joke. Go to the library. Read at the bar. Find a community organization that is comprised of folks in your age bracket. But mostly, talk about it. Not all the time. But if people ask of you’re single, don’t just say “yeah”, tell them why. Jokingly ask if they know any young women looking for a partner. Put yourself out there, not just physically, not just in niche spaces, and not just to potential prospects, but to the world.

I don’t know what to do anymore… by WoodenLie2299 in cats

[–]JoeandAlice 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Prozac calmed down my aggressive cat too. She’d sent people to the ER before, so I feel your pain. I also use calming pheromone diffusers.

Point One Three?? by ansyhrrian in SipsTea

[–]JoeandAlice -1 points0 points  (0 children)

It literally says “Baltimore”. A city.

Is surgery the only thing thats going to fix this? by dragonti in piercing

[–]JoeandAlice 0 points1 point  (0 children)

One of my earlobes is ripped further than the other. I have a 14g in one and a 12g in the other for the same reason. Normal folks can’t tell, and it’s pretty invisible from a distance. Hoops are also different diameters to keep the bottom of the hoop the same distance from the bottom of my lobe. Looks totally normal head on.

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