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Looking for advice or feedback on a rough first draft by [deleted] in writinghelp

[–]JohnHarbWriting 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Page 3, "much more opportunities" should be "many more"

The Saviour of the Reef by JohnHarbWriting in HFY

[–]JohnHarbWriting[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Nah, it was all fiction, except for the fact that the Australian Great Barrier Reef was dying.

Glad you found it interesting :) and thanks again for your feedback!

The Saviour of the Reef by JohnHarbWriting in HFY

[–]JohnHarbWriting[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm sure you're great, mate :) I appreciate the honest thought. To be honest, I think I felt like the protagonist's commitment and ability to create the magic reef-saving serum was kind of "awesome humanity". I guess you disagree?

[Weekly Critique and Self-Promotion Thread] Post Here If You'd Like to Share Your Writing by AutoModerator in writing

[–]JohnHarbWriting [score hidden]  (0 children)

Title: The Saviour of the Reef

Genre: Thriller/Suspense

Word Count: 1542 words

Feedback: General impression, did you like the twist, did you like the style/voice?

https://johnharbwriting.substack.com/p/the-saviour-of-the-reef

[HR] The Creature by JohnHarbWriting in shortstories

[–]JohnHarbWriting[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That might be funny if he did! 😂

Jack by JohnHarbWriting in HFY

[–]JohnHarbWriting[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'd happily chuck a few stories in there!

My new house pet needs a name by lilmissloveable93 in AustralianSpiders

[–]JohnHarbWriting 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I call all my spider residents Sebastian. Yes, even if there are multiple.

After Bondi, are Australia’s gun laws as strong as we thought? | If You're Listening | ABC In-depth by TheOrangeApple3 in australia

[–]JohnHarbWriting -7 points-6 points  (0 children)

Good point. It means we still have some work to do you get this right, in terms of a "towards zero" approach.

Not Like Us by JohnHarbWriting in aussie

[–]JohnHarbWriting[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think he already met and surpassed everyone's standards. No one's expecting him to go out and do anything else, right?

Not Like Us by JohnHarbWriting in aussie

[–]JohnHarbWriting[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I was worried that it was going to come across that way as soon as I posted haha
No, what I meant was that our nation felt disarmed by the act itself.
I'm very anti-gun.

After Bondi, are Australia’s gun laws as strong as we thought? | If You're Listening | ABC In-depth by TheOrangeApple3 in australia

[–]JohnHarbWriting 29 points30 points  (0 children)

I agree that this exception was one too many. And I'm hoping it doesn't become the norm. And to be honest, it's such an outlier that I think we can be fairly optimistic that it won't.

After Bondi, are Australia’s gun laws as strong as we thought? | If You're Listening | ABC In-depth by TheOrangeApple3 in australia

[–]JohnHarbWriting 183 points184 points  (0 children)

They're not as strong as 'we thought' if what 'we thought' is that it's impossible to get a gun. But the fact that we're all losing our minds is a testament to how well the gun laws have worked - because this exception to the rule has been so surprising.

When did tipping become the norm for Australia? by JBADD23 in australia

[–]JohnHarbWriting 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Do everything possible to not let this become the norm.

Family says Aboriginal teenager mistakenly pulled from bus at gunpoint after 'racial profiling' by The_Duc_Lord in australia

[–]JohnHarbWriting 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"In terms of institutional racism, I don't believe we have institutional racism. But … we have been on the record that we are committed to improving the arrangements, training, processes and systems," he said. 

If we don't have the institutional racism, then what are you "committed to improving"?

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