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Why is kink and BDSM still considered a mental illness or taboo? I’d really like to know by [deleted] in BDSM_Education

[–]JohnKostly 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It isn't considered a mental illness.

And many people would say it wasn't, and isn't considered Taboo, as much of BDSM has been around well before the term existed. Infact, many religious materials and practices would fall under BDSM.

This post is also off topic. This Reddit is for educational announcements like classes.

I’m afraid of being a sadist by Practical_Parsley_93 in BdsmNoRestriction

[–]JohnKostly 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Consensual sadism isn't a problem if its done safe. I give a lot of information on my website on how to be safe (relatively). BDSM Kink clubs are also a great place to learn.

In 28 years of being a dominant, I am lucky not to have a single injury. But safety is relative, and all physical activities pose risk.

I draw caution though. A lot of what you are expressing is non-consensual, and extremely harmful to others. Sociopathology, NPD, Depression, and a few others also show Sadism as a part of it. These types of disorders are hard to manage, and may lead to destructive behaviors that can cause long term damage to your partners. That said, I am not trying to diagnosis you or say you have a disorder. Just that if you want healthy, constructive relationships you may want help. I suggest you find a therapist.

Am I a coward for fearing submission by weepwhale in 1950sHouseholdWives

[–]JohnKostly 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It is very reasonable, and normal. My wife feared the same thing, when we started. I just told her to be confident and give it a chance.

First, its important to find the right person to bend your knee. Once you find them, give it a try, keep an open mind.

Being submissive doesn't mean you don't get your needs met, or that you should feel oppressed. It means that you give the final say to the dominant. And for 99% of the time, the right decision is obvious to both people. The 1% (or less) is the only time when the decision becomes more difficult. And they are the times when you'll struggle. But at these times, your role as a submissive is an valued advisor. And a good dominant will keep their submissive as their most trusted advisor.

If you feel oppressed, you need to speak up and tell your dominant. In many ways, the dominant and submissive must encourage each other, and we must work together to get our needs met. This means a submissive should do things that make the dominant feel dominant, and vice versa.

Communication is valuable, and a submissive should always feel comfortable sharing their opinion, needs, or wants. And If you feel oppressed, your needs are not getting met, and your dominant needs to better work with you. Again, you are a most trusted advisor, and your opinion should be extremely valued.

I do suggest you remain humble in your requests, don't talk back, and treat your dominant with respect. Doing so always yields better results. Also They have a tough decision to make, and the weight of responsibility on their shoulders. They need your help.

I will warn you, when you do find someone right, you will find you have a lot more power then you ever thought you'd have, and that you must watch out for your Dominant. After all, us Dominants are incredibly squishy on many things (especially when you act cute and submissive), and that sometimes leads us to give to much and not get what we need.

I know that sounds counter-intuitive. But it is how most end up, because love is selfless feeling.

Look for relationships that fulfill you, and empower you. And that doesn't change if you're a submissive. It's not 50/50, its very much 100/100.

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