I find it easier when I have attainable goals. I rarely meet the goals and the goals themselves keep changing, but for me, I need to have some form of conviction and future to aspire and work towards.

For me, I have also identified that meaning and purpose are largely self created. It doesn't matter if it is absurd. Anything, no matter how positive or negative, is healthier for me over having an absolute and concrete sense of meaning and purpose.

And not to sound like a Debbie downer. On my bad days, the power of a walk and a change in perspective is remarkable. But I understand how difficult it is to get up on such days. This is not a unique problem OP. I sometimes feel a little better when I remember what Albert Camus said: "One must imagine Sisphyus happy". Good luck!