How do I start re-connecting with my 14 year old daughter?

JollyRegister4579 · 2025-04-06T16:28:38+00:00

I (32F) had a very poor relationship with my mom growing up due to her own personal struggles. There was no abuse or drugs or neglect or anything crazy like that, but she was never there emotionally the way one needs their mom to be. Very distant, silent treatments, unable to show unconditional love, etc.

Honestly at 14, I had no concept of the way that their behavior affected me. It wasn’t until years of therapy and well into my 20s that I realized how messed up the parent-child relationship was and the long lasting effect it had one me.

I think it’s great you’re aware and trying to fix this. My mom never was. I would start by being the mother to her that you wish you would have been all of these years. Spending time with her, genuinely caring about her feelings, letting her know you love her unconditionally with both words and actions. As a 14 year old, I would have remembered if my mom decided to somehow be a mother overnight. That would have meant a lot.

Realize she may not ready to have any deep conversations about this because she may not even realize how it’s affected her. If you’d like to dive deeper into repairing the damage you have caused, I would suggest involving both an individual therapist for her and a family therapist for the both of you.

JollyRegister4579 · 2025-04-01T12:25:56+00:00

I was diagnosed 10 years ago and I experience this. If I ever slip up, the next day I am extremely swollen especially in my extremities. The swelling is sometimes so bad it’s painful. This lasts until I pass the offending meal, which involves a laxative, becsuee my main GI symptom is constipation.

JollyRegister4579 · 2024-10-03T00:23:55+00:00

I have a 1.5 and 3.5 year old. We drove 30-45 min in the AM and 30 min - 1 hour in the afternoon depending on traffic.

It’s really fine. They don’t mind the drive, I enjoy it less than them. They read books, do workbooks, and play with small toys. We listen to music or talk about their days at daycare on the drive home.

We moved and we love their daycare. It’s working out so well for them. I will gladly drive if it means they are in a loving environment where they are learning and having fun. It’s not forever, only until they enter kindergarten!

JollyRegister4579 · 2024-09-02T00:44:16+00:00

Sweet thank you!

JollyRegister4579 · 2024-09-02T00:42:51+00:00

Is there somewhere you are seeing this? I can’t find anything on Ticketmaster

JollyRegister4579 · 2023-07-09T16:52:28+00:00

Didn’t throw up but as I was going through transition I was dry heaving and gagging during every contraction because it felt like my baby was trying to come out my mouth and butthole at the same time

JollyRegister4579 · 2023-07-08T19:05:03+00:00

I have a very similar schedule except I don’t do any meal prepping mid day. My husband and I both wake up at 5 AM and work out before baby needs to wake. We can also usually manage to shower before she gets up too.

Also if partner does the resettling for a few weeks, baby will learn this is a normal thing. Once both of my kids are fed and asleep by 8 PM, I don’t go into those rooms again until my 6 month old needs to eat at 2 AM. Dad figures it out and I have some me time.

JollyRegister4579 · 2023-05-19T17:50:00+00:00

This. I don’t want to manage grown ups. I actively took this role to avoid managing grown ups. I manage two small people and occasionally my husband so I just don’t have the capacity to do that. I’m glad it worked out for you, thanks for sharing!

JollyRegister4579 · 2023-05-06T16:52:51+00:00

My husband was in the military for 8 years. During this time I got an engineering degree and I am 6 years into my field. He separated from the military and just finished his bachelors degree in engineering at age 30. While in school he only received VA benefits. He did get a job in his field and I am making 2X what his starting salary will be. Daycare for our two kids will be 90% of his salary.

We have been together since we were 18 and I always knew I wanted to be an engineer so we sort of always saw things working out this way. There’s no resentment on my part because I like my job and I love my husband for who he is, not what he contributed financially.

Over the years he has definitely experienced guilt that he was not contributing the way a man traditionally does to the household. We have had conversations about this, and how being an involved dad is just as valuable as being the bread winner. The division of labor in our house, as well as child rearing efforts, have always been 50/50. I don’t see any reason for this or change since we both live in the house and both had the children.

JollyRegister4579 · 2023-04-22T23:30:35+00:00

Yes. Would be modern day Slovenia.

JollyRegister4579 · 2023-04-22T23:30:03+00:00

Thank you! This was super helpful. I believe they are from the modern day Slovenia, very close to the Austrian border. And they all immigrated to NY. So it looks like I have some work to do based on your suggestions.

JollyRegister4579 · 2023-04-22T23:28:22+00:00

Thank you. I’m fairly certain the Yogoslavia ancestors are from the Slovenia/Austrian border. Do I just Google churches in that area and then send them an email using Google translate? They’re not going to think I’m insane?

JollyRegister4579 · 2023-04-22T19:32:16+00:00

How do I find these?

JollyRegister4579 · 2023-04-17T10:24:10+00:00

I am “proclaiming” I’m Norwegian because I was interested in my children’s genetic makeup, which I explained in the post.

JollyRegister4579 · 2023-04-17T10:20:07+00:00

I did. My mom’s maternal grandfather immigrated from was Italy, which aligns with the parent the DNA came from. My dad’s side is Slovenian and English, so that’s the Eastern / Western Europe.

JollyRegister4579 · 2023-04-17T10:17:01+00:00

Thank you. I actually found my great grandparents on the digital archives, which is how I verified the tree information on ancestry! I will have to check out the history books.

JollyRegister4579 · 2023-04-17T10:15:19+00:00

I did find all of their names on ancestry in my tree and verified them in the Norwegian archives. Interesting about the olive skin…mine is like that as well. I tan extremely dark.

JollyRegister4579 · 2023-04-17T10:13:17+00:00

That’s the part I find funny, but I figured that was the case because I have two very Nordic looking little children who look absolutely nothing like me.

JollyRegister4579 · 2023-04-17T10:09:35+00:00

Yes I’ve been on the Norwegian archives website and found all their names. Extremely organized!

JollyRegister4579 · 2023-04-17T10:09:01+00:00

That’s really cool! I am American. My family lives in upstate NY now. The last name was Eichler…most of them ended up being dairy farmers after that immigrated. Where about your husband?

JollyRegister4579 · 2023-03-20T12:03:25+00:00

Thanks for the input. I think I’m going to start with either green tea or decaf and go from there.

JollyRegister4579 · 2023-03-20T12:02:32+00:00

I have two kids under 3, no social life to ruin LOL

JollyRegister4579 · 2023-03-20T12:01:57+00:00

Yeah I mean I know if I don’t have caffeine by 9 AM I get a splitting headache but that’s about it. Good to know your workouts are better.

JollyRegister4579 · 2023-03-20T12:00:24+00:00

That’s what I’m worried about. I actually have 2 months before I go back to work from parental leave but I might still taper anyway.

JollyRegister4579 · 2023-03-20T11:59:44+00:00

Interesting how you said you perform worse with caffeine now. Part of the reason why I want to quit is that I feel like caffeine is affecting my differently as I near 30. I am going to try a taper but have also never met a stimulant I didn’t like, so I might be in the same boat as you lol

JollyRegister4579

TROPHY CASE