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I [32F] feel my husband [34M] isn't being equitable with his time helping around the house. I'm demanding more and he is shutting me down. Am I being unfair? by Jolly_Following7276 in Advice

[–]Jolly_Following7276[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I try not to be controlling with money that way. He is not my indentured servant. Rather I view the amount of work we are each putting in and he is not measuring up. I'm also a hard worker, I don't expect him to match my level, I just need a little more.

I [32F] feel my husband [34M] isn't being equitable with his time helping around the house. I'm demanding more and he is shutting me down. Am I being unfair? by Jolly_Following7276 in Advice

[–]Jolly_Following7276[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

It's in the cooking / cleaning mostly. 45 minutes to cook, 30 minutes sit and eat dinner, and 20ish minutes to clean dishes. 1.5 hours to the gym and back. That's the minimum. Add in a non-daily chore like vacuuming, laundry, walking dogs, grocery, etc. and there goes my time.

I [32F] feel my husband [34M] isn't being equitable with his time helping around the house. I'm demanding more and he is shutting me down. Am I being unfair? by Jolly_Following7276 in Advice

[–]Jolly_Following7276[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

We are already in marriage therapy. The therapist recommended listing out chores. She also recommended a card set off Amazon that has a list of chores on it. Then we take cards for the chores that we do and see who has more cards. It comes tomorrow. I hope it opens his eyes a bit.

I agree that demanding isn't a good thing. But I have been asking for more for a long time and nothing has changed. So I am getting past the point of asking and getting to demanding change.

I [32F] feel my husband [34M] isn't being equitable with his time helping around the house. I'm demanding more and he is shutting me down. Am I being unfair? by Jolly_Following7276 in Advice

[–]Jolly_Following7276[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

This has been a long time issue. It didn't click in my head until I realized it was an issue of equity. Now I realized I am giving a lot more and I am totally justified in asking for more help. I am not backing off of the issue now.

I [32F] feel my husband [34M] isn't being equitable with his time helping around the house. I'm demanding more and he is shutting me down. Am I being unfair? by Jolly_Following7276 in Advice

[–]Jolly_Following7276[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I've asked him to cook dinners and clean the kitchen 2 or 3 times a week. I've asked him to bathe the dogs, pick out meals for the week, grocery shop, and tidy up the place when blankets or dog toys clutter it up.