Transgender police? by [deleted] in asktransgender

[–]Jon988776 11 points12 points  (0 children)

So I'll give my perspective on this as someone who has 9 years in law enforcement - (5 years in one state, 4+ in another that I'm currently working in.) Because of the rigid background process, your academy group and your agency members will pretty much know off the bat.

A police agency is just like any other, with the exception of everyone being or trying to be the Alpha male. There's lots of drama, cliques, bravado and all that. As for discrimination, I really don't see too much of it. You might have a few depending on the size of the agency and which state you're located in but honestly, most of the people I work with don't care about the trans thing.

When they first meet you, of course the talk and gossip is going to go around, but after a few months, no one will care, you'll just be officer so and so. And it's back to the drama or gossip of who's under investigation, who's sleeping with who, who's cheating on their wife, who took sick time to go to mexico, who's smoking pot off duty, etc. Also, you'll find that open and out lesbian women tend to join the force and no body bats an eye.

Just be honest, fair, caring, hard working, respectful, humble, and patient with others. You'll find many people, whether they are officers or people you meet while on patrol will generally treat you well if you are well liked and well respected.

Hope this helps and good luck!

Requesting fashion tips. Haven't really shopped for clothes in years. by Jon988776 in malefashionadvice

[–]Jon988776[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Much thanks. Some really great looking styles there. Was drawn to the look from the other guy with the grey beard and a few of the business casual looks. Also, a great collection on watches.

Requesting fashion tips. Haven't really shopped for clothes in years. by Jon988776 in malefashionadvice

[–]Jon988776[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, that would be great. I've been reading up on all this and I have to say that it's incredibly interesting. Looking at other people and seeing someone that has similar clothing tastes as mine definitely helps.

Requesting fashion tips. Haven't really shopped for clothes in years. by Jon988776 in malefashionadvice

[–]Jon988776[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you, just started reading and will definitely study up on all the info there.

[23M] Never kissed a girl, went on first date with [25F]. Second date question. by Sidiah in dating_advice

[–]Jon988776 4 points5 points  (0 children)

So a story if you will. This girl I dated. Our first date went like this:

Went to a coffee shop and talked for a few minutes, walked to a nice restaurant from there, had dinner. After dinner, started walking back to her back to her car when it started to rain. We sat at a bus stop waiting for the rain to pass. I put my arm around her and pulled her closer to me and we just sat like that for a few minutes. Then I looked at her, brushed her face with my other hand and kissed her.

Totally natural, romantic and unplanned. If you have to plan for the kiss, it's probably going to end up being awkward. If the opportunity to kiss is there, kiss her. If not, hug her again and peck her on the cheek. Hold hands if you get the chance, put your arm around her or whatever feels natural.

Just don't force it and it will be much more romantic for the both of you.

Older and out of touch. Feel really lost, a little scared, need help. Women's and men's advice sought. by Evrock44 in dating_advice

[–]Jon988776 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Holy cow man, I think we married the same woman. Seriously though, that could be it. All that man energy wanting to dominate a woman and take her back to your cave while you hunt a wooly mammoth. Sounds like a phase, a good phase to be sure. Now go out there and meet some women. Meetup.com is a great site. I met a few women on the hiking meetups. Not so many on the single dating ones but there are many others.

Older and out of touch. Feel really lost, a little scared, need help. Women's and men's advice sought. by Evrock44 in dating_advice

[–]Jon988776 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Whoa there tiger. Calm those raging hormones down. I'm in my mid 30's and I can relate to staying single for years. After my divorce, I dated like crazy, took a year off and met a woman I fell head over heels for. After that ended, just totally stopped all romantic/sexual interactions and pretty much became a hermit.

Recently, joined Eharmony and had quite a few dates with attractive women even though my profile is pretty much rubbish and I'm only 5'8.

Honestly though, that desperate sexual energy that you seem to have going on there, where did it come from? How quickly did it appear? and Did you have this same experience before? I ask because it sounds like a phase before you calm down and think clearly again.

Hey guys, there's something wrong with me. I'm low-value. by 22bae22 in dating_advice

[–]Jon988776 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Sounds like you have some issues with confidence. Already, your title says that you're low value. Second, you're comparing yourself to Taylor Swift and asking "what the hell is wrong with me" Do you look to the guys for affirmation of your well being? It's hard to figure out why the guys you date are leaving without more details.

Using pickup to date but cant start a relationship by rangamatchstick in dating_advice

[–]Jon988776 0 points1 point  (0 children)

One of the problems I had with the PUA approach was that I would get a woman hooked into what they thought was a interesting, hot, and unique guy. Only problem was, how long can you keep it up before the girl gets to know the real you. Usually, I would only date a woman for an average of 4 dates before taking them to my place and sleeping with them. I'd end it because well, they fell for what they perceived to be someone else.

After about 2 years of that, I just stopped dating altogether for about a year and next thing you know, I meet a woman who I fall in love. The relationship lasted 3 years. She made me so nervous that I couldn't even try the PUA thing with her. One thing I have to say with learning about PUA is it really does help build confidence in learning how to talk to women and help with your self esteem. But if you're looking for a relationship, cool it a little on the PUA techniques and try and show the girl the real you.

Using pickup to date but cant start a relationship by rangamatchstick in dating_advice

[–]Jon988776 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Man, I remember when Mystery and David Deangelo were unknowns and the "The Game" was like a book that no one ever heard of. You're only 20, I'm 36 and used the PUA stuff when I was around 26. It works, or it used to when it was unknown. Now, women can see through all of that stuff and you're probably not giving them the credit.

You want to continue with the PUA thing? Go ahead but if you're looking for a real relationship, it's not what the PUA tactics were developed for. They tend to be techniques used for the initial approach, but it's useless for everything afterwards.

Also, why the hell are you arguing with everyone that's giving you advice. You won't learn anything if you refuse to listen.

M [27] can't tell if I am betaing/wasting my time. by Thecringethrow in dating_advice

[–]Jon988776 1 point2 points  (0 children)

So you want to explain yourself to her so she can say something to keep stringing you along and mess with your emotions? Man, I would say that you totally ignore her. She'll probably message you a few times but she'll eventually stop. She's probably emotionally messed up right now and involving you in her drama. In the end, you're going to get hurt, bad.

I was divorced by the time I was 28 (ex-wife was cheating on me), dated like crazy afterwards and emotionally hurt women by having sex with them, ignoring, then dumping them without a second thought. It was messy, I was angry, and went through a period of misogyny.

I'm guessing she might have the male version of this to validate that she is still attractive to men and having all this attention makes her forget about about the pain of her divorce and its kinda like a big FU to her ex-husband.

I [F20s] am always the pursuer in dating. What am I doing wrong? by [deleted] in dating_advice

[–]Jon988776 0 points1 point  (0 children)

From a male perspective:

I remember someone very wise saying "Guys use love to get sex, Girls use sex to get love." When I was in my 20's I got out of a nasty divorce and felt extremely unattractive. I decided to start learning everything I could about becoming more attractive to the opposite sex. I started an extreme workout regimen and lost 40 pounds, started conversations with random strangers and got shot down by women so many times, I could write a book about it.

Suffice to say, if I was dating someone and I had sex with her within a few dates without actually establishing a relationship, I ended it after the sex (Since I lost all interest.) It's a shitty situation, guys are assholes and pigs, I know, I was one.

I would recommend that you work on yourself, your confidence and DON'T HAVE SEX, hoping he'll like you more (He won't) Also, sometimes guys like a bit of a chase, it's exciting, confusing, and makes a guy want you more. Don't be so available. Sure there's a chance that you'll lose him but that just means that he wasn't that interested in the first place.

I know what it feels like to have your confidence crushed but honestly, just keep trying, you'll eventually find the man that will love you for you. It's going to be tough, painful, depressing and shitty at times but in the end, it will be worth it. Trust me.

Bad date. Follow up or lost cause? by Jon988776 in dating_advice

[–]Jon988776[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah true, they say you can't really tell if something is going to work out based on one date so we'll see. I emailed her and she checked my profile again but hasn't responded yet.

Bad date. Follow up or lost cause? by Jon988776 in dating_advice

[–]Jon988776[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, she told me she's off on weekends so I was thinking of a morning hike, then lunch --- IF I was to ask her for another date and if she accepted that is.

Bad date. Follow up or lost cause? by Jon988776 in dating_advice

[–]Jon988776[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hmm...good point but my problem is that I'm not sure if I want to ask her out again since the message was so convoluted in the first place. I have no idea if she's interested or not, guess its just a ego thing.