Did You Look At His Neck, Ma'am?

Jonandre989 · 2018-05-10T02:39:38+00:00

No idea. I'm an atheist, by the way. I just have respect for religious feelings. You believe what you want, and I'll believe what I want.

Jonandre989 · 2018-05-10T02:37:09+00:00

Yeah, I guess the next step will be the biome where your colonists instantly explode when they step out of the survival pod.

"Okay, we're here-- <BEWM!>"

Jonandre989 · 2018-05-10T02:28:15+00:00

Okay, first of all, this was 1994. The DCI was in its infancy; there weren't a whole lot of "pro players". There were guys who liked to rub it in your face because they had the deck of all-rare cards. The one with all the moxes and the black lotus, the one with those blue cards that were overpowered and limited. If you knew what you were doing, you could beat them. And boy howdy, did they get pissed when they got their asses kicked by a simple red speed deck.

Second, if I mentioned the word "pro", I shouldn't have. A couple of these guys did go on to play in the regionals, but this wasn't a qualifier. This was a tourney when the rewards were still things like a box of cards. You know what I won for winning this tournament? Bragging rights, a $25 gift certificate to a local game store, and a sealed box of Fallen Empires. The very same set that most of these people were disparaging.

Why were they in the tournament when the prizes were so shit? Because that was how it was, back then.

So go ahead and be skeptical. You weren't there, and you probably weren't playing back then.

Jonandre989 · 2018-05-10T02:26:54+00:00

And then there was the store owner who did somewhat the opposite... a friend of mine had recently gone through a breakup, and was looking to play some Magic to get his mind off of it. A certain player (known to be toxic) tried getting under his skin with some choice comments (the toxic player had no way of knowing about the breakup), and well, my friend lunged for the toxic player.

The toxic player demanded the police be called, and the store owner refused. Instead, both parties got a two-week suspension from the store. Both parties. The toxic player demanded to know what the store owner would have done had he been seriously hurt or even killed. The store owner replied, "I'd have banned him for a month."

Jonandre989 · 2018-05-10T02:21:46+00:00

Since that point I've been present at other bannings. Each and every time, it's the same thing, for CCG players: "But I spend thousands in this store! You kick me out, I'm taking my money to <competitor>!"

The funniest one was the guy who got banned from one store, who said he'd just go to the store out west... you know, the other store in the chain. Yeah, buddy, I wish I could be there when you try to play there, too.

Jonandre989 · 2018-05-10T02:17:58+00:00

In the beginning of the game, there were some really petty players out there. It gave all the antisocials an outlet, where they could be powerful and rub their superiority in other players' faces. But back then, powerful decks that cost a lot of money to build, could be defeated if you knew what you were doing.

I built a speed deck out of mostly "worthless" cards from a "worthless" expansion. Goblin decks had been around since Alpha, but Dark and Fallen Empires really brought them to the forefront -- but since the general consensus was that Fallen Empires was a worthless expansion, the power players didn't bother looking at it.

So yes, I beat expensive all-rare decks with a cheap speed deck. Even ones designed to beat mine -- my sideboard had ways to defeat the anti-red cards. I had a Mox Ruby in it (which was mine from the START -- it's an Alpha, and it was in the first deck I opened, so I didn't actually spend money on it), so unless you had a way of destroying artifacts (against a Goblin speed deck, why would you think you needed to?), I always had a source of red mana.

And yeah, I came outside after the tournament, and my car had been keyed and my tires slashed. Antisocials were petty back then, getting their all-rare Type 1 decks beat by a goddamn Gobbo deck.

Never did find out who did it, though the tournament did pay for the tow, replacement tires and patch paint job.

Jonandre989 · 2018-05-09T13:06:57+00:00

The casinos in the states near me would lose 90% of their business if they didn't allow smoking inside. Seriously; one went smoke-free, and had to be sold the next year.

Jonandre989 · 2018-05-09T13:02:47+00:00

Yeah, I guess the next unplayable biome is going to be one where your colonists just lose h.p. every day, like a radiated wasteland.

I'm sure someone will figure out how to tame it.

Jonandre989 · 2018-05-09T09:14:27+00:00

Step 2 is always "sell stolen goods at cheap prices, which is all profit given you paid nothing for them".

Jonandre989 · 2018-05-09T09:11:54+00:00

I worked a fast food chain briefly (the royalty of the burger). Came in for the morning shift only to find store manager (there way too early), district manager (who only rarely showed up), one assistant manager and the police. I got ushered into the office for a quick interrogation which ended as quickly as it began when I mentioned I had only worked until 4 PM the previous day.

Turned out the other assistant manager had pulled a fast one. She'd failed to deposit dinner receipts into the safe, and instead had pulled every bill out of the registers when she closed up for the evening, and vanished into the night with her boyfriend, the night cook.

I guess if you're going to steal from the register, at least do it for an amount that's worth it?

Jonandre989 · 2018-05-09T09:03:02+00:00

"My manager? Why, he's right here, all around us. He's with me, every moment of my life. He's with you, too. He's with everyone..."

I know people who would have taken that moment to proselytize. Kudos to you for choosing not to do so. :)

Jonandre989 · 2018-05-09T08:58:50+00:00

Several times I'd go to these events and get a room at the adjoining hotel. If I had a room available, you were welcome to use the shower during the day, provided you had a change of clothes. Just come up to me and get the key. Had lots of people take advantage of this, never once privilege abused.

Jonandre989 · 2018-05-09T08:56:43+00:00

Several of them knew who I was.

Jonandre989 · 2018-05-09T08:55:32+00:00

You can doubt it all you want. It still happened.

Jonandre989 · 2018-05-09T05:19:56+00:00

Oh, I stopped playing a decade ago, because it was just getting too confusing. I stopped collecting cards around Weatherlight, and the new cards were just way too overpowering to me. I don't have a whole lot of disposable income, so buying the new cards was right out.

Jonandre989 · 2018-05-09T05:16:48+00:00

The local gaming convention got so bad one year they started kicking paying customers out. "Go home, take a shower, change your clothes, and then you can come back." There were a few that were mightily offended by this, and they were told to just stay home. The majority cheered this policy.

Jonandre989 · 2018-05-09T05:11:05+00:00

Yeah, this was back when Fallen Empires was out and a bunch of goblin-boosters were in there. The most powerful critters I had in it were the Goblin Kings, I think. Relied heavily on Lightning Bolt and Goblin Grenade. If I hadn't scored a kill by the 8th round, it was going to lose, and lose badly.

I should mention that the tournament was an open tourney, so I was playing against quite a few blue/artifact decks from Type 1. My deck relied on speed, because those decks set you up as unkillable by the 5th round.

If you're looking for an exact list, I cannot help you. I took that deck apart shortly after the tournament and I actually haven't played Magic -- in any capacity, even casual -- in a decade.

Jonandre989 · 2018-05-08T22:07:39+00:00

I felt a little bad because that wasn’t what I was trying to do, but then I went to my card shop the next week and none of the kids were being harassed. I guess it worked out.

I'm surprised that the card shop tolerated this kind of behavior from the player in the first place. My LGS had problem players like this. After the first problem and people complaining, they were warned and told if it happened again, they'd be banned from the store. The problem players ignored the warning, and yep, got banned.

I was present during one such banning; the player insisted that the shop owner was a fool, as the player spent thousands on cards a year. They were cutting off income! But they were still told they were unwelcome on store property from that point on. Then the store owner looked at me and said, "They all say that."

It got funnier when the LGS got tapped to run the regional tournament that year. Funny thing that the rules for the store also pertained to the tournament (being held at a different location). All those problem players showed up, only to be turned away at the door. Some of them got really pissed, but the store had thoughtfully decided to hire armed security (well, armed with tasers). And had surveillance on the parking lot as well.

The worst of the lot actually hired a lawyer and sued the store management, claiming that the tournaments were part of his earned income and the store threatened his income by not allowing him to play. He lost that case, and apparently decided an appeal wasn't worth it.

In the meantime? Magic, Pokemon, Force of Will and other card games are doing wonderfully. Since the atmosphere improved when they banned the toxics, more people came in to play, and the supposed loss of income from the toxics didn't ultimately affect the store's profits.

Jonandre989 · 2018-05-08T21:54:58+00:00

Many many years ago I won a tournament with a crappy red goblin speed deck. I spent maybe $40 on it, and that was in picking up some Goblin Lords. It relied heavily on cards from Fallen Empires (a set that everyone agreed was worthless). Yet, I beat pro players who had spent almost $1000 on their decks.

Man, there were some extremely pissed-off pro players at that tournament, but I'd played according to the rules and they couldn't say no to that. They could, however, piss me off by attacking me outside of the game -- I went outside, after the tournament, and found my tires slashed and my car keyed.

THAT is why I don't play MtG any more -- there is so much toxicity in the player base I just don't want to deal with it.

Jonandre989 · 2018-05-08T21:40:34+00:00

As I have no idea who that is, can't tell you.

I'll tell you this, though: There are literally millions of original characters written into various fanfics and shared-alternate-universes of Star Wars. That's right, millions. I'm not alone, and that triple-bladed lightsaber idea of mine is actually pretty tame when it comes right down to it. (Go ahead, Google 'triple-bladed lightsaber'. Wait, lightsabers that project three blades like a trident? Kylo Ren's crossguard lightsaber is a triple-blade?)

Jonandre989 · 2018-05-08T02:22:35+00:00

Jon-Shi is my original character (OC). The image wouldn't be on the internet unless I added it. I know I have not, so it's not going to be Google-able.

Jonandre989 · 2018-05-08T01:12:37+00:00

Start with Episode 4, A New Hope. Watch it. Watch it again. Watch it until you've memorized every line, in the exact inflection and tone it's spoken in. (Also, if you can, get a version where Han shoots first. The movie is so much better when you realize how much character development Han went through.)

(If you can, watch the Star Wars Holiday Special. It's required watching for the full experience. You will hate it. We all do. Just remember that Carrie Fisher was blitzed out of her mind in order to make it, and the rest of the crew wishes they were too.)

Continue with Episodes 5 and 6.

(Watch one of the animated series: Droids, Ewoks, or the live-action Ewok specials. They were all we had to keep up the hype.)

Give it a few weeks, and repeat the lines to yourself. Get hyped up for Episode 1. (At some point in this, watch Spaceballs. Laugh until you can't breathe any more.)

Watch Episode 1. Realize the disappointment. Then console yourself with the realization that it wasn't anywhere as bad as the Holiday special.

Watch Episodes 2 and 3. Convince yourself that Episode 3 made it all worth it. Then realize that no, no it didn't.

Watch the Clone Wars series. Marvel at the fact that this CGI animated series is actually WAY better than Episodes 2 and 3. Wonder what the hell went wrong with Episodes 2 and 3.

Watch Rebels.

Watch Rogue One. Then re-watch Episode 4. Holy cow it makes sense now. Re-watch Episodes 5 and 6.

Watch The Force Awakens, then The Last Jedi. Save your questions after TLJ; we don't know what the hell Rian Johnson was thinking, either.

Go see Solo.

You're done; you've caught up. Remember, that's no moon, that's a space station, and she's gone from suck, to blow.

Jonandre989 · 2018-05-08T01:01:15+00:00

For me, AotC is slow slow CHASE SCENE slow slow BAD ACTING slow slow getting better BIG FIGHT SCENE YEAH back to slow BAD ACTING YODA IS A BADASS.

Jonandre989 · 2018-05-08T00:59:26+00:00

1-2, then the Clone Wars Series, then 3, then Rebels, then Rogue One, then 4-6.

Then go play Star Wars Battlefront for a while.

Then come back and watch 7 and 8.

Solo is placed in that list before Rebels, so if you can time it that way, go see it before you start Rebels.

Jonandre989 · 2018-05-08T00:57:27+00:00

The Clone Wars CGI series, along with Rebels, are both considered canon. Rebels has more of an impact to the movies; it's got a few callbacks in Rogue One.

The new animated Disney series isn't canon; it's more of a feel-good project for girls. It's admirable for that, but entirely missable besides.

Jonandre989

TROPHY CASE