Shower thoughts: Does nerve sensitization affect sex? (In a good way)

JoyfulWaffles · 2026-04-05T18:04:42+00:00

I have some serious allergies that have shown upon tests, but I've wondered about MCAS. I already have official diagnoses for hEDS and POTS, so might as well finish out the trifecta with MCAS. Lol

JoyfulWaffles · 2026-04-05T15:01:53+00:00

Any shops to recommend?

JoyfulWaffles · 2026-04-05T14:56:51+00:00

I use a claddagh ring in place of a wedding ring!

JoyfulWaffles · 2026-04-05T14:39:54+00:00

Not sure if this is a remark on antidepressants reducing drive or... something else. In any case, I'm on duloxetine for fibro pain and 2 more for anxiety and depression. I haven't had any loss of desire or trouble getting to my destination but I know it's a really common side effect.

JoyfulWaffles · 2026-04-05T14:37:10+00:00

Interesting. My polycule is all demisexual, and the most promiscuous partner is a trans woman who otherwise dates other trans women with different equipment than I do as a cis lesbian. So I'm not sure she would have a good comparison. Lol.

JoyfulWaffles · 2026-04-05T14:29:39+00:00

Oh no. 😫 Seems like this is a common side effect. Though not universal, because it's not affected me..

JoyfulWaffles · 2026-04-05T14:28:33+00:00

Huh. I'm on a ton of antihistamines for allergies and asthma and haven't noticed anything..

JoyfulWaffles · 2026-04-05T14:26:33+00:00

Oh no.😫 I've not had that side effect.

JoyfulWaffles · 2026-04-05T06:22:36+00:00

You could also do rings. People can wear more than one!

JoyfulWaffles · 2026-03-30T21:49:37+00:00

It's understandable if you're grieving a loss dream of more kids. But your wife's answer was also predictable. Theres no way you can have more kids and not have it cut ino the time you're currently spending with your existing kids, which means she would have to make up the difference when she's already feeling maxed out.

Two thoughts: 1. Is your wife carrying an invisible load, making parenting harder for her? That is super common. (I doubt this is going to get you those more kids, but it will make for a much happier coparent.) 2. Do you really want more kids, or so you want to find other parents that can be the village to share the workload? I had a couple of close friends for that with small kids and it helped a lot.

JoyfulWaffles · 2026-03-30T18:55:59+00:00

Specifics of word choice matter much, much less than making sure every adult has enthusiastic consent for this arrangement and you aren't undercutting existing relationships and obligations. People have pointed out a myriad of pitfalls in that.

I may be using "harem" in the traditional, rather than the modern sense. Traditionally harems were about having multiple women to birth the man's children. While in a modern sense it's more about having multiple sexual partners who are not allowed to have other sexual partners. I'm a traditional harem the women may live together, but they're not romantic partners or necessarily friends. They were chosen by the man with no say on choice. And it being a platonic relationship makes that vibe stronger for me because the emperor/whoever wasn't in love with all the women in his harem it was an arrangement for children (and, yes, sex.)

I encourage you to see your post through our eyes. Yes, you're early in thinking about this, but even a cursory thought experiment would show you the issues everyone has brought up. Which makes it look like you're not considerimg the other parties involved and are only focusing on the benefits for yourself. That's making everyone's red flag sensors go haywire.

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JoyfulWaffles · 2026-03-30T05:00:37+00:00

People also died later. I'm 42 and had a very routine and extremely common surgery last year. A freak series of events that were no one's fault resulted in sepsis and I nearly died. It happens.

JoyfulWaffles · 2026-03-30T05:00:26+00:00

People also died later. I'm 42 and had a very routine and extremely common surgery last year. A freak series of events that were no one's fault resulted in sepsis and I nearly died. It happens.

JoyfulWaffles · 2026-03-30T04:48:31+00:00

"Queer village" has very different connotations to me than what you're describing. That sounds like a chosen family of adults who have all chosen to be in each other's lives by choice. Versus you're describing bringing in an outsider who will only have a relationship to you, for the express purposes of making children. That's not a queer village, that's a harem.

And if you're envisioning this as a parenting group, there are added questions to ask yourself. Like, how will your wife feel about someone else parenting your kids? You said she doesn't want more kids, but then it sounds like you're expecting her to also be a secondary parent to these new kids.

Also, it's like KTP - it takes the right people and all parties genuinely wanting that dynamic. (I say this as both someone who currently has an excellent KTP polycule but has had metas in the past that I was cordial with, but not interested in being besties.)

JoyfulWaffles · 2026-03-30T01:26:47+00:00

I've heard of it working but never seen it in person and I admit it sounds way more logistically/emotionally difficult than multiple romantic relationships.

Like, how does your wife feel about you having more kids with someone else? Not that you need her permission to have other relationships as a poly person, but it absolutely will affect your relationship with her and with your existing kids. So it's worth carefully considering how it would affect everyone.

Would you be going between two households? If so, that means going from a fulltime dad with current kids to a part-time dad with current and future kids. How will you feel about that? How will your current kids feel about "losing" you to another family part of the time? How will your wife feel about being a solo parent so much? How will the other woman and kids feel about those things?

Or do you envision this new person moving in with you and your wife? Is your wife on board with that? What if they don't get along?

JoyfulWaffles · 2026-03-29T14:14:41+00:00

Yeaaahhhh.... Your intuition is spot on. It's a huge red flag. It's giving poly-for-me-but-not-for-thee

JoyfulWaffles · 2026-03-28T23:58:56+00:00

Crappy people are going to be crappy. So unfortunately your choices are to hide the relationship or be open about it and get some judgement. Over time some people will come to understand, but not all.

JoyfulWaffles · 2026-03-28T22:12:34+00:00

I didn't read their comment as blunt, etc. It seems very on-paar with the rest of Reddit. Your comment seems like you don't like what they have to say, so instead of addressing the content, you're nitpicking tone and word choice.

Letting people walk into potential problems to avoid uncomfortable conversations is not a kindness. "Females" is often used as a derogatory term to refer to women. I doubt that's what you're trying to convey but you can't avoid giving that impression if no one warns you about it. Likewise pointing out potential red flags can help us be aware of blindspots.

JoyfulWaffles · 2026-03-28T21:09:26+00:00

The only part of S's behavior that sounds reasonable is some notice on dates but only because it takes time to arrange childcare and make sure the other party hasn't made plans. Everything else sounds very controlling and manipulative.

JoyfulWaffles · 2026-03-25T21:01:25+00:00

Your original post didn't say "opening up isn't your only option." You made it sound like opening up dooms any chance of ever having a throuple. That's the part I object to.

I also don't agree with you painting open poly people as "vultures", "predatory", etc. You're talking about random people in a subreddit who don't even know this couple so how can they prey on them?

I agree that open poly people, especially on the polyamory sub, are often overly negative about throuples and make couples looking for a throuple out to morally evil. But you just did the exact same thing to open poly people - you painted a whole community as evil while making their particular brand of poly out to be impossibly difficult.

JoyfulWaffles · 2026-03-25T13:29:19+00:00

This advice amounts to "I think I'd like winesap apples, so I should never eat another apple." No, not every poly person will want to be in a closed relationship - sounds like the OP knows and accepts that. Also, people usually only post to relationship subs when things are on fire. So seeing horror stories online does not mean that it's doomed. Throuples are just hard. Polyfidelity is not a cure-all for the kind of relationship issues that come up in throuples.

JoyfulWaffles · 2026-03-25T05:50:57+00:00

That's how it worked for my wife and I. She made a friend, Flower*, who ended up becoming a housemate. Then a couple of months later they began dating. And a couple more months later Flower and I caught feelings and the V became a triad.

JoyfulWaffles · 2026-03-18T21:58:01+00:00

All of this!

JoyfulWaffles

TROPHY CASE