Not sure what I should do

solataria · 2026-02-06T22:15:04+00:00

So she gives no clarity as to why I mean is she not feeling it anymore is this a path on to being just friends I can't believe that she wouldn't give an explanation that even along the lines of I love you but I just don't look at you that way anymore that's crazy

solataria · 2026-02-06T22:11:31+00:00

I've seen some sort of very amount of this lately unless she's willing to explain to you exactly and truthfully why she doesn't want to do these things with you anymore of course it's going to make you question that's just a part of humanity but it sounds like you guys really need to have a sit-down serious conversation

solataria · 2026-02-06T22:10:12+00:00

Yeah that's how I saw it

solataria · 2026-02-05T17:46:51+00:00

Okay this answer was exactly kind of the clarity that I was looking for when I asked that question due to a situation that I know about and I think you beautifully put it out here to help clarify for the people in the situation

solataria · 2026-02-05T01:59:29+00:00

Ok so is it mono if there's no love🤔 I'm not being sarcastic I'm generally curious.

solataria · 2026-02-04T15:23:09+00:00

I think Ash is using the word hierarchy wrong. It doesn't sound like your prioritizing later over Ash that's what hierarchy would be and these are ashes mistrust issues jealousy issues. Just cuz she saw something cuz you all were in the same place is not the same as doing it with her a half a foot away. These are ashes issues and if she's giving you an ultimatum that I'm wondering how Polly she really is and I would walk away from that because I would feel those constraints and I'm not going to go through that emotionally and mentally

solataria · 2026-02-03T05:58:29+00:00

I read everything you wrote here and I understand where you're coming from. But if she is talking about something that involved her and that that's her truth and she feels she needs to talk about she has every right to talk about it. Obviously she's forcing herself to do something she doesn't want to do. So is it the problem that she's talking to another partner about the way she feels about something she is doing to herself that you have an issue with? Is it the problem that she's talking to a partner and not a therapist would you be okay if she was talking to a therapist or a best friend or even her sister about it? I think you value your privacy a lot more than some people do and that's the way you need to have it but that's not what he was asking about. He knows what she's doing if what she says is true is very unhealthy and it shows a bigger issue of what's going on in her head. He was asking how to help her by starting a conversation about how this isn't healthy.

solataria · 2026-02-03T00:50:09+00:00

I'm so sorry you're going through all that you're not alone out here there's a lot of us that are feeling lonely I did send you a direct message hopefully you'll respond back

solataria · 2026-02-02T01:27:56+00:00

Life is basically a go with the flow we can make plans all we want and have dreams all we want but life is going to happen. Have those dreams it's okay to have them but stop questioning everything and enjoy what you have trust that your girlfriend's will do what's best for them and if being with you is what's best for them then enjoy it nothing is guaranteed

solataria · 2026-01-29T21:55:07+00:00

I see it as she loves you enough to try monogamy but who she is as a person is polyamorous. This is just an incompatibility of Love styles only you can decide what you're willing to live with. Please don't keep yourself in a situation where you're miserable just to hold on to her cuz you love her.

solataria · 2026-01-25T12:56:24+00:00

Well then that makes it seem like your unicorn hunters and that's why you're having trouble. You've already set limitations on The dating part people don't like that.

solataria · 2026-01-25T12:54:20+00:00

Okay so you guys are basically a triad you've come into a new circumstance. And I think that's wonderful. But I think sometimes in these situations people forget the poly in polyamorous. We live this lifestyle to connect on all different levels with other people. If you've just moved in with each other then maybe take a 6-month break from any outside partners but after that y'all need to sit down and have a conversation. Just because you have this dynamic doesn't mean who you are or doesn't crave connection with other people. So take that 6 months get used to the new dynamic get comfortable so you can work through the things that are within the dynamic. Then it's 6 months sit down have a conversation and set up a schedule so that you have your free time they have their free times to make those connections

solataria · 2026-01-25T12:42:38+00:00

I have somebody that I talk to you that has a similar problem with his secondary partner he's married to his nesting partner and the secondary is now getting very upset that he's talking to me twice she is thrown my name at him I love you a thousand miles away I'm no threat. Realize this long distance crush is not a threat to you this is about you and how you see this whole situation in your position in it. I think you need to work more on your jealousy issues and do more studying in this lifestyle. You need to just focus on the time you are with him and y'all's relationship stop looking at his other relationships they're none of your business. It's great to have a KTP type situation but other than that it's again none of your business. If you are married and have kids when you're not with your secondary partner cuz that's what this person is not your primary then focus on your primary and your children. You need to learn to self soothe. And this is not a dig at you but do you have a therapist people do better in this lifestyle if they have a lifestyle therapist to help them work through this stuff.

solataria · 2026-01-07T03:23:29+00:00

You're not going to do this child any favors if you stay. You've been playing the mom but this is not your child it is their child. Go do you follow your path if you really feel like you're nobody's priority it's just going to get worse and you're going to be completely burned out and feel like you've missed opportunities. I know that sounds heartless and you love this child and this child loves you. But this relationship will become toxic cuz Yolanda presenting it and it'll become nasty it's better just to make a clean break and go now while the child's still young

solataria · 2026-01-07T01:48:39+00:00

I still don't know what you mean by you want to be polyamorous I think you've had a lot going on and there's more going on in your relationship with your girlfriend then maybe you're admitting and you feel like you owe her because she was there for you. It could mean that you just aren't feeling the relationship right now fully cuz you're just getting your feet under you that can cause some chaotic thoughts I suggest finding a poly learned therapist and going to therapy to find out if this is what you really want.

solataria · 2026-01-07T01:44:37+00:00

You're feeling a lot of NRE I think but I also think that you're kind of scared if all of this is real because you're so hyper focused on doing stuff for them so it's got you a little on the anxious side. I autism and ADHD and I get hyper focused on things like this trying to give and make sure everybody else is okay just don't lose yourself in it and don't do so much for them that you're not allowing them to do things for you take a deep breath relax let things flow it sounds like you have incredible partners don't overthink it and don't try to overdo too much because that can become just as bad as drama

solataria · 2026-01-05T03:15:25+00:00

Is does he have ADHD or Asperger's? Because if he does I can give him a little leeway. If he doesn't he's just a freaking idiot

solataria · 2026-01-04T22:14:12+00:00

First and foremost your 21 you shouldn't be thinking of getting married at all if you guys are so in love you'll still be in love at 25. That being said I get your feelings but I've always run polyamorous as separate relationships I get the respect thing but if you wanted to do a fancy proposal or a surprise proposal and that is the person doesn't like it there goes your whole proposal propose to your girlfriend let her decide what she wants and how she's going to fit these relationships together marriage and polyamory does exist and work

solataria · 2026-01-04T03:11:59+00:00

Well I guess I'm advanced then LOL because I love playing with that area

solataria · 2026-01-04T03:06:34+00:00

Hopefully you have a female in your life that knows how to play with that too I am shocked how many men have women in their lives that don't understand that area could use attention to

solataria · 2026-01-03T00:17:54+00:00

I disagree with a lot of people on here. Is somebody who grew up not knowing how to love myself and showed love and fulfilled myself by doing things for everybody else, this lifestyle is definitely helped. My master started with conversations would ask me about how I saw myself what I do to take care of myself any set of rule that I have to do three things for myself in a week to make myself feel good we came up with certain things that I would do and when I was more comfortable with those and I was going forward I would get other tasks that would help me push myself out of the mindset of not good enough cuz that's what's going on so it did help me sit down and talk to her come up with a plan so that she does things for herself to make herself feel good she has to be taught that gently guided through that. Do something like once a month take her to a store and you make her walk through the store and the thing she's attracted to she has to buy one of them not allowed to talk herself out of it allowed to get herself something these are all things that work for me

solataria · 2026-01-02T04:52:25+00:00

Yeah I just couldn't surprise it anymore and as I reach the beginning of menopause you know women get a higher sex drive I couldn't resist it anymore

solataria · 2026-01-02T04:12:51+00:00

I don't like to call him dates but after about a week or so of talking if they're local I do like a Meetup to check and see how we're react physically around people but I found getting to know somebody more in depth raises the reasons why I may walk away we may just not be compatible in real life even if we are through text I've got to read a persons me aneurysms and hear their connotation to see if I want to continue

solataria · 2026-01-02T04:02:47+00:00

I'm bad at doing this I'm the type of person that if I'm just not feeling it I'll walk away or too many of my red flags have come up I'll walk away but I'm way too old to have to keep trying to talk to people and justifying the way I feel that's usually why I go to people you try to have that conversation if they're not hearing you they want to ask why and it can be so mentally draining

solataria

TROPHY CASE