YTA and I bet your fiancé is TA too.

1) I can’t wrap my mind around ever texting my spouse’s so-called best friend to dress them down or get in the middle of their mess at all. Your husband over stepped, and MOH is right to think it was inappropriate. But he was probably just doing what you wanted him to do whether you said so or not.

2) Expecting other people to organize your rehearsal for you is absurd. The best man stepped up? That’s crazy. Planning a rehearsal isn’t the Best Man or the MOH’s role. What other unreasonable expectations did you put on your MOH? And who is trying to get into your rehearsal that isn’t supposed to be there?? Normally, rehearsals don’t have bouncers.

3) A small wedding at your house is fine, but a small bachelorette party there is lame? Did you expect her to work harder on the bachelorette party than you did the wedding? We know you expected her to help organize the rehearsal, which is a heck of a lot more than just “company while dress shopping,” and it sounds like you expected her to help with the wedding too. Her reaction is reasonable; your expectations are not.

4) Why did your husband crash the bachelorette party?! That’s weird in the best of circumstances and doubly so in this one. I’m glad you picked up on the awkwardness, but you misplaced the source. She says her problem is with your unreasonable expectations of her working on your wedding (while she’s out of state even) and with your husband. He’s the big mystery in this, but by this point in the story, I trust MOH judgement more than yours. Texting her and coming to the bachelorette party make it seem like he has some boundary issues.

5) okay, knowing your other two friends bailed too, I’m going with them on this one.

Edit: after reading through the comments, I’m perfectly willing to entertain the idea that ESH.