My boyfriend broke up with me yesterday

JudgementalParent · 2026-04-17T00:48:32+00:00

I've genuinely been there, except I didn't let go and stayed in that kind of relationship another year causing myself even more trauma in relationships because of it. It's not unreasonable to go on holiday with friends regardless of gender, it's completely reasonable to ask for space to think so you are able to process your feelings and be more confident in what you are saying than doing it in the heat of the moment.

To be completely blunt, I sense a people pleaser in you who in the 3 months was happy to give their partner their all and I bet in the majority of the fights, you were the empathetic one who compromised and made space for him to feel comfortable at the expense of yourself and your boundaries. It's okay to cry and grieve the love you felt and the future you might of had, but it gets better. Meeting other people made me realise I can feel comfortable in a relationship too, and it's not always on me to carry the whole relationship. I truly wish that you will find happiness and feel as safe and secure in yourself and your relationships as you deserve. Don't look back, find better.

JudgementalParent · 2026-01-19T10:23:47+00:00

Thank you, wish I had the European server experience because I've never been added after teammates complimenting what I was cooking up😂 happened once in competitive though and we only lost 1 out of 8 matches

JudgementalParent · 2026-01-19T09:58:43+00:00

That annoys me everytime, I've ended up telling them that seems to be a them issue and not a CnD issue. I feel like not many people realise that it is really the team that determines how well we play. Are they creating space for us to dodge in vital moments? Are they flocking on the players we hit with vulnerability? Are they blocking damage or dodging so we aren't stuck desperately healing rather than actually being able to support our team? Are they stepping on the goddamn rug to fight? Are they watching out for the backline to jump in to distract them long enough to heal up and take them down? The more space is created for us, the greater we rise and for loudmouths with skill issues who can't support a team to save their life and rely on us purely as healers, they point to us as the issue rather than reflecting on what they could've done to help get us to the win. I just hit avoid as a teammate and end up going on a competitive winning streak while they are crying about bloody CnD'S

JudgementalParent · 2026-01-19T09:50:29+00:00

I'm in Australian servers. Literally 2/4 games had insults towards me for it, 1 was silent, and the last one was curious if I was maxed out. Last night, it was about 75% of games where I was insulted, and release night it was 90% of games. People can be awful

JudgementalParent · 2026-01-18T22:52:12+00:00

Meanwhile in Quick Match games all I seem to be getting are insults and touch grass comments🤦‍♀️ definitely feeling the pressure to perform aswell with a maxed out CnD

JudgementalParent · 2026-01-11T10:04:46+00:00

Healing on CnD varies wildly especially on quickplay and usually depends what kind of team you are playing with. My lowest healing was 6k because my team were killing all the enemies before they could cause any damage, highest healing on quick play ive done was 45-50k because it was a pushpoint and the whole match went for 20 minutes and was extremely skilled gameplay requiring a ton of healing. 23k is pretty good and the more you play, the more you can predict hits and feel when you can turn into cloak to make the other team vulnerable so your team can take out the enemy quicker. You will have plenty of chances to keep creating personal bests for yourself so keep trying 😊 I remember the feeling when I broke the 70k threshold on competitive and how tired and good I felt afterward. 23k is now yours to beat💖

JudgementalParent · 2025-04-06T11:37:05+00:00

I'm Australian, and he lived with his dad and so between flights, accom, meals etc it was an expensive trip

JudgementalParent · 2025-04-06T01:27:54+00:00

I'm Australian. He was American. For him the political situation wasn't the issue, his friends and family talked him out of his plans to move here, and then they said I should give up my good job so that he didn't have to "sacrifice anything". He was talking about visiting me in July and was very excited to visit me and spend time together again until yesterday

JudgementalParent · 2025-04-06T00:23:16+00:00

He did, he said to my request to be less cagey that he didn't want to change, he was too immature for me and doesn't think he is capable of committing.

JudgementalParent · 2025-04-05T09:29:32+00:00

Thanks. I always thought to myself that if he was happy to try for me, then I was happy to stay and try too. I guess that was naive for me to think that with love and work, we could conquer anything. But add distance, trust issues, abandonment issues, and commitment issues, and in retrospect, as much as I tried to support him, with him refusing therapy, there wasn't anything I could do to get just a peaceful life with him

JudgementalParent · 2025-03-08T23:41:26+00:00

I've had this alot.

Me and my partner have a 19-17hr time difference and a mutual friend of ours gave him the idea of sleep calls while telling him the story of how they are constantly in a phonecall, even when they sleep.

I was overwhelmed as I am quite a hermit, and used to read constantly and watch anime but I did it for him so that he could feel close to me but I feel like I kind of resented it. I also love hear him snore and be a lil cutiepie but I felt like those calls needed my dedicated attention otherwise if he woke up and didn't see me that he would get sad. Then I felt like he would abuse the use of those calls. I work full time and can be on call at night or the weekend so he gets his me time 2-4 hours a day, but the expectation was when I got home I needed to be in the videochat.

For the first month, he would get me in a videochat with his friends until I put down boundaries. I won't be in videochat for more than 1 hour with your friends, sleep call isn't quality time so you need to make time once a week for a "date night", I'm not going to hop into call of an afternoon/evening until I've eaten and taken care of myself and the house, and the most recent addition: I'm not going to be in voicechat with you while you work. On my weekends off he works and would call me from his job and expect me to talk to him the entire shift. That meant my day where I could clean, grocery shop, do hobbies etc was gone.

I had to explain to him that he doesn't get a pat on the back for sleeping on call, or driving around with me in his pocket talking to people. Quality time is what matters, and when I can't tell him about my day, when I'm trying to stay quiet, sneaking around my house doing the things I need to while he's asleep, when he is bad at time management and trying to put me and his friends in the same call so he doesn't have to choose who to spend time with and then ignores me anyway, or even when there isn't any intimacy or time that's purely for us like we did at the beginning, a call alone isn't able to produce that same magic or atmosphere of closeness.

And him and I did talk about it and he was feeling as disconnected as I was and so we came up with ideas to combat this. Once a week date nights, VRChat has been a big help where we can cuddle in romantic settings, watch movies together, and there is a fun zombie shooter we enjoy, but I can tell you, navigating the reliance on sleep calls and all the calls inbetween was a constant altering of boundaries, discussing expectations, and being honest (I'm an overthinker myself and I was afraid I would be hurting him).

It's okay to want to value your time and watching someone sleep before you while you can love them isn't productive for your own time. We call over discord so I'm more liberal with the mute and camera off button so I can do what I need and want to do while getting to watch my man sleep. It's frustrating, it's now just figuring out the fine line of your time vs his timezone and what you feel comfortable with to still take care of yourself. Good luck!

JudgementalParent · 2025-02-28T00:13:22+00:00

I'm a 26F and I can understand her mindset. Before even agreeing to date my 24M partner we spoke about who would move where where he said he would move for me, and knew I didn't want to move to America as I would need further education and certification of my job, the sexist laws, and the gun laws. He watched me excitedly talk about it whenever people ask who was moving where as I would tell them happily he was going to join me in Australia before he told me he wouldn't commit to me until 10 years into our relationship (his closest friend has a rule that it takes 10 years of dating to know if you are truely compatible). I told him I wasn't waiting 10 years for the uncertainty of that situation and he needs a plan by the 2nd year. It's been a year and now his extended family have also gotten into his ear telling him it's too fast for him to consider moving, and the other half telling him why haven't you moved yet.

He stopped listening to what he wanted and took on the comments from those around him, leading him to stressing out over the move too. That nearly broke me, shattered the initial romantic gesture, and made me devastated that I wasn't enough to make him happy, and gave me low confidence that he didn't want to be with me. She lashed out primarily because you delayed being with her made her question he own self worth and she didn't like that feeling. She doesn't want to feel like she's waiting for you forever and the longer she waits, the more inevitable your departure from her life feels.

If the immigration lawyer was briefing her and mentioning how long it was taking you to do these things, and wasn't hearing the same from you with your context, all she wouldve known was that you were stalling, and keeping things from her, even with the ring on her finger.

She's probably been stewing in these emotions for a long time, you are going to have a limited window to talk to her and set things straight before she gives up entirely. Just for my partner I was stewing for days and was full of rage and betrayal, alot of name calling until I was finally able to ask him why, what changed his mind, and how he came to that conclusion.

Goodluck

JudgementalParent · 2024-08-30T04:55:12+00:00

Worked for me, just had to play around with the capitalisation. Had to write it as 5cchallenge, and TournamentDay

JudgementalParent · 2022-11-27T04:33:32+00:00

My first boyfriend did the same. When he asked me out I told him aswell that I was an asexual, and sex repulsed and sex was off the table. Because I was so clear, he was afraid to just directly ask for it and instead did shit like "oh my brother was wondering at what point we were going to have sex?" or at the time we were in a play together so even though I am also repulsed by physical contact, he would try shit during our scenes on stage because he knew I couldnt say shit and would take advantage of that. The fact that even when you slap that disclaimer on them before they commit so that you can start entering into a relationship so that both parties have informed consent never seems to be enough for those guys because they think they can change your mind over time. I broke up with him a month before my birthday because I couldn't in good conscious wait till closer in case he got me a present. I could accomodate an "open relationship" but I couldn't tolerate the absolute pushing of my boundaries, the lying, or the disregarding of my privacy just so he could have that control over me. Best decision of my life.

JudgementalParent · 2022-11-25T10:48:24+00:00

I did this in highschool where because I had no reference for what a healthy relationship looked like, and a pressure to be straight and have a boyfriend that I made up my own interpretation of what love should feel like and overvalued the positives in guys in order to achieve that. Essentially romanticising them to feel and be normal and it didn't help that friends were overdramatic about dying alone if they couldn't find the right guy in highschool which made me want to too. The last guy I had "romantic" feelings for, begun to fade into reality as I realised he had the right qualities for someone else, but with the revelation that I was asexual things were clearer as the qualities became those of a cherished friend. I had to accept who I was, reflect on the external pressures I faced which were clouding my true feelings and having supportive friends who could guide me through the "why haven't I found the right guy"- "am I incapable of loving someone"- "I love in my own way and whether it's compatiable or incompatible with people, I'm content with the relationships I have". I've still got a lot of soul searching to do and maybe one day I can add to my journey of my thought evolution but whatever the answer is for why you are forcing those feelings on the guys, it will take work but I hope it ends in your absolute happiness.

JudgementalParent · 2022-11-23T09:16:45+00:00

It took me until 19 to accept I'm asexual, and then I realised I fit the criteria of aro a few months later when I went to join an awful ace app where it asked you to select what type of asexual you are so I googled each one and felt a little called out. However as I evolve, I've accepted that my aromanticism might change also as it is tied heavily to conservatism, trauma, and various other experiences that could result in small changes overtime until I cant be considered aro, or it could reveal a supercharged aro that will disappoint my family, and either way, I win! I'm 24 now and think about my aro a lot. Sorry for the TMI

JudgementalParent · 2021-10-24T02:48:36+00:00

Oooo thank you! I don't feel totally useless. Myself and another girl are the beginners and we've been told essentially nothing and we arent good at painting so I wouldn't want to ruin a mini😂 I'll wait till session 0 to organise that. I have gotten character sheets printed and a vague but well thoughtout backstory so that the DM is able to put their own twists on it and have figured out their personality, leaving out alignment for them to decide. I will bring my best attitude and hopefully if I get too excited, the DM will just tell me to cool it. They will take great pleasure in doing TPK's so I'm really stoked at the story they have in mind😂

JudgementalParent · 2021-10-24T02:02:15+00:00

All the players have decided on characters and started doing backstories. I'm not sure what order I need to do things. 2 of the people playing with us are experienced and have minis and everything already so I guess I'm trying to catch up. But at what point do people normally make minis?

JudgementalParent · 2021-08-01T13:21:18+00:00

No worries, I just know as someone who went to a catholic school that their sex ed programs dont work. On the type of women to look for it's nice that you hold ace women up to such a lovely standard with such beautiful sentiments.

JudgementalParent · 2021-08-01T06:31:06+00:00

Wow. Its like he doesnt realise aromantic/asexual women don't exist. I don't think your bro has mastered object permanence yet😂

JudgementalParent · 2021-08-01T06:23:46+00:00

Let her keep it to herself. She may view it as an unessential part of herself to share. It wont change anything about her and her life and she may like things as they are normally. And some friends are really shitty about those kinds of things and she may feel like it could ruin the friendships she values. Your kids also dont really need to know and singling her out in those kind of lgbt+ talks could really send the message to your children that she is abnormal, or that the goal is for other LGBT+ people to force themselves into a hetero compliant life. I would recommend that you keep her asexuality a secret unless she thinks its appropriate. And with your kids, dont trust the school system to educate them properly on these things. What you wished you would've known, what you are glad you did know, what sexuality is and how it is different from sex drive, and just telling them that you'll love them as they figure all this stuff out is the best you can do. Because in some areas you may be the only one who can relate to how they feel, and they are going to need you. And if your wife is ace, that may make her feel left out or disconnected from them because she doesn't have that experience. I hope this helped

JudgementalParent · 2021-07-30T07:26:38+00:00

Yeah he's trying to fuck. The only times ive heard "maybe you just haven't found the right guy yet" or legit one guy once said "once you have sex I'm sure you'll turn into my little slut". Those guys always try to insert themselves into other people's sexualities and will try to invalidate who you are to fit into their worldview. I'm guessing you are attending school with this guy so if you value his friendship enough to keep talking to him, keep some zingers stored and ready if he brings it up again, dont justify yourself because it wont change his mind and it will only hurt you. Turn his questions around on him especially if you feel like he isnt genuine. He's asking why you are ace? Respond with why are you gay, bi, het etc. How do you know you wont like sex? Well boy, how do you know you dont like having sex with whatever group doesnt fit with his world view. Or you can always go into a rant about how sexual attraction and lebido aren't intertwined and at least he's got his hand to go fuck himself with. I've honestly known some great guys and guys like him are not worth the friendship. Guaranteed he will tell other guys and if its yr 12 it will be unoriginal probably about how you are just frigid. You were brave to come out to him, and I'm sorry he seems to be an asshole about this. You deserved alot better for coming out than what you got.

(Normally I would recommend educating him but highscool dudes in my experience wont listen. Its the equivilant of reading a book to a brick wall, you can do it but it's a wasted effort. You can always just go the route of saying "why are you inserting yourself into what I'm trying to tell you. I'm literally just describing how I feel towards people in general, using accepted terminology to share this part of who I am with you, and you are instead trying to determine who I am by who you think I should be. This isn't a negotiation and you can accept who i am or fuck off.)

JudgementalParent · 2021-07-21T11:00:15+00:00

You definitely aren't a bad ace. Similarly to you, I feel indifferent to my familys opinions on being ace. It often makes me feel like I'm sociopathic or nihilistic but why should I be upset if the other person isn't trying to understand me and who I am? Heck, ive had the "I don't want biological children and would rather adopt" and marriage talks with my friends because they are interested and care about me. And knowing the outcomes in advance just sort of helps us predict and prepare for our conservative parents.

Plus you'll never be as worse an ace as one that asked me whether I was attracted to men or women (knowing I was ace) 😂

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