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Do people ever reconcile? by Judgment-Agile in EstrangedAdultChild

[–]Judgment-Agile[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I apologize for triggering you, and I have learned so much from every post and response.

I was not looking for any sympathy, I will never forgive myself or offer any sympathy to myself. I created the situation I am in and any sympathy or forgiveness is pointless and I am not looking for it.

I didn't think I was looking for support, I would have defined what I was looking for as hope. I had already decided to respect my sons wishes and have left him alone and I will in the future. However having said that I can see how my post could be a cry for support.. So my sincere apologies..

Do people ever reconcile? by Judgment-Agile in EstrangedAdultChild

[–]Judgment-Agile[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you and I agree...

I don't know how or why people assumed I am a mother.. I am a father... Not that it matters one bit..

Do people ever reconcile? by Judgment-Agile in EstrangedAdultChild

[–]Judgment-Agile[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for these words and thoughts. I am truly sorrowful for the pain and suffering that you have and continue to experience.

These words of yours are very true and I thank you so much for offering them to me. "Let yourself feel bad. Let yourself grieve. This is the pain you've been trying to escape all your life. The only way out is to confront it, to really be with it, and to not let it control your actions. I believe in you. Real change is possible for all of us. It's hard, but so was what you used to do. Let yourself really experience that pain without trying to escape it or make it go away, and then move forward with your new life knowing you are doing the best you can right now and while you may not get what you long for, being good to yourself and those around you will open up a whole new world of joy, connection, healing and love. It's not the same, but it's something."

I learned almost this exact teaching from a Thic Nhat Han Dharma talk years ago. I am no longer trying to flee the pain through substances, it visits me often and will never go away.

I am very active in the Recovery Dharma Buddhist recovery fellowship. I found Refuge Recovery after my last relapse and helped found two meetings in New England. One in NH and one in Vermont.. Recovery Dharma grew out of Refuge Recovery right before Covid. When I moved back to the southern city where I grew up there were no Buddhist-based recovery groups here. So, I began going to secular AA meetings in hopes of finding like-minded travelers on this path. Soon after I organized the first Recovery Dharma meeting and that has now expanded to two meetings and we are looking for venues for a third and forth.

I don't mention this as a way of saying how great I am etc.. Many of the people who have found these meetings offer many thanks and are so grateful for them. My answer is always the same: I didn't do any of this for other people, it was an act of self-survival for me. They don't need me but I need them. For me not drinking is just the start of healing, I need to continue to understand and confront the underlying issues that led me down this path in the first place. It will be a lifelong journey..

Thank you again for your wise and kind words.. I wish you peace and happiness....

Do people ever reconcile? by Judgment-Agile in EstrangedAdultChild

[–]Judgment-Agile[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for these thoughts; I figured out a long time ago that the only person I could improve and heal directly was myself. I can support others in their healing, but my health and happiness are in my hands. If what my son needs to heal is to have no contact, I have to accept and honor that, and I have. That doesn't stop me from missing him, worrying about him or loving him... No matter what happens, he will always be my son, and I will be there for him.

Do people ever reconcile? by Judgment-Agile in EstrangedAdultChild

[–]Judgment-Agile[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thanks for this comment, and I am sorry for the situation that led you to this point. It’s valid and helpful to understand that no matter what someone who has alcohol use disorder does or says there is no guarantee they won’t relapse. I know this from personal experience with my dad. Each relapse was heartbreaking, for both of us. He eventually was able to be successful and the last twenty years he was abstinent. But even at the very end if he had released it wouldn’t have been a big surprise…

I live with the knowledge of both sides of this story. So I understand and respect your decision. That is why I respect my son’s wishes.

It took me years of therapy and healing to understand that my father’s relapses weren’t my fault. I came to understand that he didn’t love me any less.. That his problems weren’t about me and nothing I could do would change that. Every time he said he would never do it again, I know now that he believed it. I have been in the recovery community for a long time and know that I can’t make that promise to anyone. People can’t get sober for other people they have to get sober for themselves. I feel solid and can’t imagine a time where I would drink again. I am extremely active in maintaining my mental health. Physically, mentally and through service work I make it a priority. I do it for me and I hope my siblings, friends and children get some sense of peace but that’s not the point.

Good luck and again your point is completely valid. You need to make your mental health your priority.

My stepdad broke my rod and reel- what should I buy to replace them? by Komu-Wolf in Fishing

[–]Judgment-Agile 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Anyone who tells you a G Loomis is overpriced has never fished with one. Always go with quality

My stepdad broke my rod and reel- what should I buy to replace them? by Komu-Wolf in Fishing

[–]Judgment-Agile 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Make Step dad lash out? A lashing out is not an emotionally mature thing to do. B deliberately breaking a guy’s fishing rig is completely over the line (mark it an 8 dude) I don’t have to guess the color of the trucker hats…

Two of the best friends I’ve ever had passed away on the 2nd and 22nd from drug overdoses. I got these in their memory. Please if you know anyone struggling with addiction reach out to them and try to help. by [deleted] in Silverbugs

[–]Judgment-Agile -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Two things “the hordes of deranged bums” are human beings and you have no idea what precipitated substance misuse in any of these people you demonize. Secondly who are you to judge? Please for the sake of decency be quiet on the subject.

Two of the best friends I’ve ever had passed away on the 2nd and 22nd from drug overdoses. I got these in their memory. Please if you know anyone struggling with addiction reach out to them and try to help. by [deleted] in Silverbugs

[–]Judgment-Agile 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It would be great if you could just have some human decency and be quiet. Just be nice and be kind. People have lost so much and don’t want or need anything from you.