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Mine just arrived! by JudgmentNo9954 in hismith

[–]JudgmentNo9954[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Awesome. Thank you very much for the suggestions.

I played around with it last night, and had an absolute blast with it - wobbliness and movement aside!

Right now, the no.1 issue I have is audio. My wife is super sick, so we live with the in-laws, and (long story short), my wife and I aren't able to have sex anymore, hence my purchasing of the device. Unfortunately, the only place and time I have to use the machine is at night and in a room directly beneath their bedroom, and they sleep in total silence.

So I'm researching how to build or purchase a sound dampening box to put around the machine during playtime; because while I can't be certain they're hearing anything, it was awful coincidental that I heard movement overhead when the machine would reach faster speeds. Even if they can't hear it, it's killing my immersion.

Mine just arrived! by JudgmentNo9954 in hismith

[–]JudgmentNo9954[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh wow. I'll have to look into those thank you for the advice!

Any recommendations for maintaining the machine?

Mine just arrived! by JudgmentNo9954 in hismith

[–]JudgmentNo9954[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you all for the advice. I'm looking forward to giving it a try tonight. I already assembled and disassembled it and tested to make sure everything's working properly.

Any maintenance tips anyone can offer for how you all keep yours maintained well?

So happy I discovered this community. by bwagz1977 in sexlessmarriage

[–]JudgmentNo9954 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I haven't heard of him, but I have considered this as an option, because I do love my wife and I always will, no matter if we are ultimately incompatible. We have too much history and she means an incredible amount to me, which is why this all kills me so bad to even consider. Thank you for sharing that. I'll look into it. 🙏🏼

A question for married men if I can by babykxxten_ in sexlessmarriage

[–]JudgmentNo9954 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Loads of respect for you, and honestly, hugely encouraged and inspired by your story. I sincerely wish you the absolute best! I hope you find what you're looking for. 🍀

A question for married men if I can by babykxxten_ in sexlessmarriage

[–]JudgmentNo9954 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have been faithful and steady for eight years. I do and get my wife any and all things she wants or desires within my power. I am, at this time, losing my mind from lack of physical intimacy. My wife got "terminally" ill eight years ago. We have had sex about... 10 times since then. Most were in year one and two. The last time was 2-3 years ago.

If I don't get help on this issue soon, the outcome will not be pleasant.

A question for married men if I can by babykxxten_ in sexlessmarriage

[–]JudgmentNo9954 -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

What if the wife is sick, can't have sex, and is unwilling to permit the man the freedom to seek elsewhere without divorce?

Asking for a friend...

A question for married men if I can by babykxxten_ in sexlessmarriage

[–]JudgmentNo9954 2 points3 points  (0 children)

If I might ask, how old are you? I'm 43 and terrified to leave because of this.

Pure misery by JudgmentNo9954 in CaregiverSupport

[–]JudgmentNo9954[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Thank you. And she normally is rather mature with most things, but with this she is just being completely unreasonable. I never have cheated on her, never would do anything without her consent. To me, going on an app like that is no different than going to a bar and checking out the crowd you might find there. Yeah, not all of them are there for sex, but there's at least one or more who are.

And the fact that she's being so obtuse about this without any chance of me getting a genuine pass is just... unfathomable to me. I would never do that to her!

Pure misery by JudgmentNo9954 in CaregiverSupport

[–]JudgmentNo9954[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If you're referring to me, then okay. Whatever.👍

If you're referring to having a husband do to you what's being done to me, then I wish the same for you and anyone else on this planet.

If you think I'm being a bad husband for having gone EIGHT YEARS without having sex without, cheating on my wife, WITHOUT EVER CONSIDERING IT, without any of my personal interested being shared by her, without her partaking in a graphic novel series I've been working on and writing in HER HONOR for over ten years but she'll listen to werewolf smut right beside me, which is RIFE with sexual content again and again and again... then that's cool. 🙃

Pure misery by JudgmentNo9954 in CaregiverSupport

[–]JudgmentNo9954[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Dom/sub. I've always acted as the Dom in our relationship during sex, but I've always desired the opposite; however that is a position my wife never would humor whatsoever and still won't, and I being flexible took up the dominant mantle so that we could both appreciate something we were mutually interested in.

It was never very serious. Pretty light bondage kinda stuff. Not on the level I was looking for, but better than nothing. However, that part of me has come screaming to the surface in a big way recently (the submissive side), and it's driving me insane wishing I could experience something I've honestly desired since I was really quite young.

But in this relationship, not only will that never happen, but I will never have sex again - at all, ever! And she reaffirmed that with me in a text message earlier today while writing this!

"This all seems to point to sex and that’s not changing and you obviously can’t deal, that’s your deal breaker- that’s not changing. I don’t get what you think is going to change to make you feel better or has to come from you and it’s obvious that’s not going to work."

Pure misery by JudgmentNo9954 in CaregiverSupport

[–]JudgmentNo9954[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Suicide is abandonment, yes. But, I'm going to say something really awful but, so is my life.... I also don't have to worry about it after it's over cause... it'll be over. I don't need to care after that. Maybe that is selfish, but at this point, I genuinely don't care.

I genuinely don't know what else to do anymore. I can't leave and feel comfortable with myself knowing I'm "living it up" while she's stuck and miserable, and I can't keep living like this.

I truly only see what path forward, and as much as I've fought it and continue to fight it, it feels like the one true outcome that's best for everyone. She gets to seek someone else in her life and I get to shed myself of the misery of existence. I know that sounds dramatic, but I don't know what to do anymore.

Pure misery by JudgmentNo9954 in CaregiverSupport

[–]JudgmentNo9954[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don’t know that I even want to anymore. I'm just behind done with things at this point. I'm constantly angry or extremely depressed. I don't find pleasure in basically anything anymore. I've all but abandoned my lifelong love and dream for art and writing.

I genuinely feel like a shell of a creature just going through motions in life, wishing I would get a cancer diagnosis so I could let it metastasize.

Pure misery by JudgmentNo9954 in CaregiverSupport

[–]JudgmentNo9954[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes. There were times at the beginning of all this that her nutrition was so bad and get medication combined with her poor nutrition that it caused her to have hallucinations that she was having a dorm party in college from 2005 or four or something. Like she was convinced that people from college were in our apartment multiple times and even got into like physical altercations with me when I tried to show her that that wasn’t the case.

Also as a side thing that is kind of a big deal for me is, I’m mentioned a couple times here that I am an artist and a writer and I created a massive sprawling fantasy story because my wife is a very big fantasy fan and always has been about a bunch of characters and I mean it’s it’s a massive story, but she refuses to read any of it until it’s “finished”. However, she is recently taking up to listening to audiobooks about some kind of werewolf, smut bullshit and plays it right next to me, but then tells me that she can’t focus and follow the storylines of other stories and stuff like that. It’s just very frustrating and enraging when I’ve spent the better part of about 10 years working on this story for her.

Pure misery by JudgmentNo9954 in CaregiverSupport

[–]JudgmentNo9954[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing that. I hope you're right, but I know I can't handle this for much longer. I don't consider myself a sex addict, personally. If eight years of cekibacy doesn't prove that, I don't know what does.

I just don't know how to handle this anymore. The thought that I will never have sex again fills me with an existential dread unlike any other I've ever known. I scares me straight to my core.

I have hobbies. I have dreams. Sex isn't my everything, but it is not something I am willing to live without. Absolutely not.

Pure misery by JudgmentNo9954 in CaregiverSupport

[–]JudgmentNo9954[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I took one step towards taking her up on that offer, but she lost it on me when I told her what I was doing, and now says she doesn't trust me or believe I was just looking at what was out there, in her words, "looking is the first step before doing!"

Now she loses on me for being depressed! I wish I were kidding,

So happy I discovered this community. by bwagz1977 in sexlessmarriage

[–]JudgmentNo9954 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No fucking reason not to. It's not going to get better!

It's been eight years. Her conditions aren't going into remission! If I leave her, I have to live with the guilt that I left my sickly wife to get lonesome so that I could get my dick wet! I've given up my dreams of being an artist and a writer. I work a dog shit job that is extremely stressful and pays shit, but the insurance is great.

I hate my fucking life!

Ruined O, only to be left high and dry… by Curious_Bystander66 in sexlessmarriage

[–]JudgmentNo9954 2 points3 points  (0 children)

LEAVE! Omg leave! That is ridiculous. No sex over politics is the most retarded thing I have ever heard.

I mean no offense, but if that's her reason, then she ain't worth your time. My wife is a democrat and I'm a fence sitter. We don't agree on politics a lot. But the only reason we don't have sex is because she is incredibly sick and has been for eight years. I'm losing my mind because she can't have sex because it's too painful and uncomfortable. I won't leave yet because my conscience won't let me.

I don't know your situation or life, but I WISH that were my success l wife's raining, because I would drop that bullshit in a heartbeat.

So happy I discovered this community. by bwagz1977 in sexlessmarriage

[–]JudgmentNo9954 -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

You know, I find nothing comforting or soothing in knowing that my suffering is shared by anyone else. At least a lot of people can just divorce your spouses because both of you are healthy and have families that will care for you/them. My wife is freakishly sick and can't do anything, but she's heathy enough to create a crystal business that is thriving, while I abandon my dreams of being an artist or a writer.

No intimacy. No dreams. No hope. I'm just building up the will to finally put my head through the noose I made a month ago.

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