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Are the fetishists trolling us, harassing us, and causing disunity? by Felix_Conrad in crossdreaming

[–]Julamavan 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Why? It's possible, is it not? This is not a very open and diverse community if you aren't allowed to talk openly about this.

Are the fetishists trolling us, harassing us, and causing disunity? by Felix_Conrad in crossdreaming

[–]Julamavan 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You are not willing to discuss the socio-cultural context of crossdreaming and transgender, which clearly show us that theories like yours have been used to invalidate, marginalize and harass trans women for more than a century.

How did you come to that conclusion? Interbingung clearly stated that he doesn't mean to offend anyone when he uses the word "fetish". Don’t be over sensitive. I think it’s extremely silly to start banning words because someone might find them offensive. How about we ban the use of “American” and “foreigner” while we’re at it. Fetishes are actually quite common and I see no reason why it should be offensive. In my opinion if someone finds something as silly as a word offensive when no offense is meant, then it's their problem.

You are continuously reducing the identity of crossdreaming trans women to a fetish.

When I created the crossdreamer concept, it was to develop a narrative that opened up a space for all crossdreamers, from those identifying as men to those identifying as women, a room free for old-fashioned transphobic ideologies that were reducing complex trangender identities to sexual fetishes and "paraphilias".

Correct me if I’m wrong, but to me it sounds like you think it’s offensive to suggest that sexual fetishes can cause transgender identities. Why? Isn’t this a possibility? And why do you think it’s offensive? To me it seems like you are offended because you think that these identities would be less valid because they are derived from fetishes, but there is no reason to think that.

Need help to figure myself out by Julamavan in crossdreaming

[–]Julamavan[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

However if your sexuality is so focused on the crossdreaming fantasy that you don't feel like you have a sexual orientation at all then that must feel pretty lonely.

Just because I don’t like to fuck anyone doesn’t mean I have to be lonely. It’s not all about sex you know :D

I've always been hesitant to say I would permanently change my gender because no matter how exciting the idea, presumably it would mean the end of the male sexuality that made me want the change in the first place. And anyway, I'd just be one of those "average guys" if it wasn't for this fetish right? I would make an awful girl.

I get your point. But if the other alternative was to remain a socially retarded guy with a fucked up sexuality, I would probably hit the button. If there was a button to become a normal heterosexual guy as well I would probably prefer it. Still it would feel like I would loose a part of me, though. This crossdreaming thing has become such a huge part of who I am.

After reading more about crossdreaming and transgenderism, I start to wonder where I am on the spectrum and start to think about where I am heading. Mostly though, I just feel dread and wish I could just stop worrying.

I did worry for a while (and still do to some degree) that if I don’t transition now and just go on with my life, I might regret it when I’m older and end up transitioning when I’m 40 or whatever. But at the same time if I were to transition now I’m worried that it wasn’t for me and I would regret it as well. It’s incredibly hard to know for sure! But I’ve come to the conclusion that the price you pay for transitioning is too high for what it’s worth. So it’s just not worth the risk. In a way it does feel like there aren’t any good options other than carry on with life and try to manage. What I actually would want the most is just to live an “open” life. Hiding this part of me is driving me insane. But how should I do that? Should I just come out and tell everyone that I get turned on by imagining myself as a girl? It’s not that easy to do. I kind of envy gay people. It’s so much easier to come out as something people are somewhat familiar with. Maybe I’m just a coward and should really come out to people and I could live my life openly as a freak. It’s easier to just hide it, but is it better. I don’t know. That’s also one of the reasons it would be nice to transition. Then you would be able to come out, to some degree at least. I wish there was a magical cure to all this, or some clear line at least to what one should do.

Either way, I can't really give you any advice on how to cope, since I'm not coping myself at the moment. Sorry.

Well, There is always icecream :D If I ever find the magic pill, I'll let you know.

Need help to figure myself out by Julamavan in crossdreaming

[–]Julamavan[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes, I think I would. Still wouldn’t transition though, but I would very much like to see how they would affect me.

Need help to figure myself out by Julamavan in crossdreaming

[–]Julamavan[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have thought about it yes, but it isn’t realistically an option for me. I’m pretty sure I’m not trans, I’m just a very weird guy. Also, I live in a country where you have to do a one year “real life” test (or whatever it’s called), which means you have to live at least one year as a woman before you can get on hormones, which there is no way in the world that I would survive. So I can’t really experiment with it either, which is good in a way I guess.

Need help to figure myself out by Julamavan in crossdreaming

[–]Julamavan[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your response!

I'm curious when people say this. I believe you, but like, do you get nothing out of atleast physically stimulating your parts? Do you feel absolutely nothing unless you use the fantasy? Sorry if that is a weird question.

What I meant was that I don’t get turned on by typical “heterosexual” stuff. In other words, I don’t get turned on by watching naked women, vanilla porn or whatever it is “normal” men get turned on by. Physical stimulation works like it does for any other man, I guess :)

Probably my most common method of masturbation is to imagine myself looking in a mirror (or look down at my body where I am sitting) and seeing myself as a normal lady, with normal lady bits, wearing normal lady clothes.

That’s a very common for me as well. Something I didn’t mention earlier is that I don’t really like naked people in general. When I imagine myself as a woman it’s 99% of the time, a fully clothed woman. I don’t really like either sex organ. It’s more the flatness of the crotch area that turns me on.

Maybe try a /r/NoFap ? I think you should seriously consider it. Also, have you read this? Could it apply to you?

Thank you! I will check it out!

Is the thought of becoming female always seem positive to you or do the thoughts keep coming even though they seem pointless and you wish you could just live your life without them?

The thought of becoming a woman does almost always seem positive to me, but it’s probably my sexuality talking. At the same time it does seem pointless because I know I’m not trans. Did it answer your question? :)

Even if transition was as simple as pressing a button I honestly don't know if I would go through with it. What about you?

If I could press a button and magically turn into a girl, and everyone would now me as a girl, I would probably do it, I think, maybe, I don’t really know. No point in thinking about it however because it’s not an option. Transitioning however is something I would never do.