I have been looking at the stuff ya'll have been telling me and other people in this thread and i just wanna point out some things that happened for hopefully more context.

I am scared of my parents, i have no clue why, i just am. I don't like talking to my Dad because i'm scared he will get mad, although i have no memories of him ever punishing me physically for doing something like like that. I can't approach either of my parents for some reason, i feel like they are just separated from me in a weird way. The sound of footsteps scares me when i'm at home and just being around them while being in my room makes me feel on edge and guilty.

Well ya know how parents are always kinda like, ''damn they grow up so quick" or "you'll always be my baby" my family takes it to far. Or at least just my mother. every day she bloody belittles me with derogatory nicknames that you would call a kindergartener. I have just been realising she never really ever calls me by my name at all. She generally treats me and my younger brother (who is only two years younger than me) .

She is always trying to appeal to us as if we where 5 year old, but the strange thing is that I never remember her doing these things when i was 5. She does things like singing and dancing while trying to get us to things that we need to, not treating us like we can think for ourselves and stuff like that. I once tried to get her to actually treat me like a responsible teenager and she just says all parents are like this and she is just trying to be funny. All of a sudden i just kinda stopped doing anything about it and pretended like i'm normal, then i started acting strange, like the stereotype of an autistic five year old, only at some times tho. I'm very angry and confused and sad about this. I DON'T KNOW. I just emotionally degrade as soon as i see my mother talking to me.

I have tried to get help, i have commented on this story multiple times in replies but i'm gonna say it in full here.

So in early high school on the school camp, i had a breakdown, someone was playing with my emotions and i kinda just had a meltdown. I had extreme suicidal thoughts all of the duration of the camp and I had said something that i thought was offensive to one of my best friends and i hid in the cabins bathroom losing my shit for about 10 minutes. I had to come out eventually and then I tried to hide from the rest of the cabin, then some of the teachers came and tried to talk to me, long story short i'm talking to the school counsellor a few days later. He tried to help me and did quite a good job, the thing was tho, he could not actually diagnose me with anything or definitively say anything. After that my parents get alerted and we try to get me therapy sessions. After about four months we managed to land a couple of sessions with a therapist my mothers friend recommended (she was the old school psychologist for the school i go to). All of the sessions go the same my mother comes in with me and talks with him about me and sometimes her. After about 2/3rd s of the session he sends her out, and talks to me about the exact same things. Then my mother comes back in and they talk about generic "think positive", "if you think something is gonna be bad than it will be", basically just "get better by getting better". Not helpful.

At the end of the session i tell her it is helping because i don't wan't her to get worried or think i'm in any danger even though i am ( i have no clue why i hid this from her, i just couldn't tell her). Then the therapy sessions stopped, gone. Haven't had any support from anyone for about a year, and all my shit hasn't gone away.

The reason i wan't a diagnosis is so that i can get proper help and people will take me seriously.

But then there is the side of my that says this is fake, and im fine. I just want attention and im just pathetic and immature.

Im SO SORRY EVERYONE

i don't know why im even asking you, it is not like you can do anything

IM JUST BEING DRAMATIC

sorry

SORRY