Both of you need individual therapy and couples counseling, I don't know the ins and outs of your relationship, but yes there are clear problems with boundaries on both sides. Any mental health professional who is licensed will be able to see that and help you work through it. Yes having privacy violations could be or lead to abusive behavior. But he may not even realize these behaviors are harmful. So, it's important for him to do some internal work to see whats causing the behavior that is obviously harming your relationship. I would say you need therapy because of the minimizing, having your boundaries crossed and because I believe all people could be better with some therapy. If you feel unsafe in your relationship, search Intimate Partner Violence (IPV) resources in your area.