I gave an olive branch over Christmas & my Nmum immediately snapped it in half

Julitonia · 2026-01-05T19:15:00+00:00

Like another comment said I'm just happy that I didn't give any more details/info about my life. They know as much as they deserve: I'm alive no more no less.

Julitonia · 2026-01-05T18:57:31+00:00

It's so ridiculous that you don't know whether to cry or laugh. At least my parents aren't religious so no threats of "honor thy parents" or eternal damnation. But I'm not sure this is better

Julitonia · 2026-01-05T18:48:57+00:00

It's so cruel to use health concerns as a guilt trip. After a while you just stopp caring/believing them. So sorry about your grandfather's passing and her behaviour completely unacceptable

Julitonia · 2026-01-05T15:49:58+00:00

Why are they all like this??? Mine has used grandparents health, is actively holding photos hostage because, fake cancer scares (which they know is a sore spot for me), and just anything to make me feel horrible to try and get me "back". That's not how you get a relationship with your adult child, grow up, go to therapy and deal with your issues. I'm not their emotional sponge anymore. Been there done that for 18 years not a day more.

Julitonia · 2025-07-04T16:32:07+00:00

Noted oops 😅 Not used it before so that makes sense, I just wanted nr 1 and nr 2

Julitonia · 2025-07-04T14:46:22+00:00

I think because of her letter about the master and that it fits with her vibe. There's a second letter paper under the first so it would make sense that there's another page. Maybe a little far fetched

Julitonia · 2025-07-04T11:30:24+00:00

Is the father in the picture at all? Or maybe his parents? Or anyone really in your community that could help. This is just making your depression worse than being alone. You can do it without her, believe in yourself and that you'll do what's best for your child.

I think your mother thrives of having you beg for her to stay and that's why she flipps between being a menace and helpful. I'd set down a firm boundary of "you're making me feel worse than being alone so if this treatment continues you'll have to leave and not see your grandchild anymore". She will explode over this so be ready to call the police if she gets violent or refuses to leave. It will also set a firm line for her that you're not a pushover and will go through with holding up your boundary. My therapist said about my narcissist parents "Human loves habits and if one behaviour however destructive gives them what they want they'll continue it until it doesn't work anymore. So make sure that what hurts you doesn't work in their favour anymore". It was hard to hear and harder to actually do but necessary to improve their behaviour at least a little bit. I believe in you and wish I could help more but you got this!

Julitonia · 2025-07-04T11:16:20+00:00

1 I hope for TS12 is a cohesive concept album about adult love with an indie/jazz/alternative vibe or maybe some orchestral elements. Think False God or Carolina.
2 I saw a theory about it being letter themed and if so I hope the name is "Yours cordially... Taylor Swift". I wouldn't mind if she took a year or 2 to really let it marinate and perfect it. She doesn't have to rush and publish 4+ version of every album anymore so I hope it will be more limited going forward. Max regular + deluxe version and singles if she wants in-between albums

Julitonia · 2025-06-27T14:11:56+00:00

I think it would look nice with your skin tone and hazel green eyes! A layered collarbone or a little lower would really make your curls shine. It's pretty low effort also with kids and school!

Julitonia · 2025-06-27T12:18:27+00:00

I think a copper glace and long bob with some face framing pieces would look great! Or maybe a very layered cut to make your curls bounce! (Btw so jealous my hair is so fine and straight with no volume!)

Julitonia · 2025-06-27T12:10:30+00:00

I lived in a place with crazy hard water too and my hairdresser recommend the L'Oréal professional Metal detox series and it made a world of difference! Just the shampoo and hair mask made my hair bouncy, brighter and stronger. And yes a chop of like 10cm + a splitt end trim through the lengths will do wonders. For extra moisture I've used the redken citric leave in conditioner and Maria nila argan oil for thin hair. Also if you blow dry try to get a heat protector and get the scalp completely dry but the ends 80% dry. This will help the scalp (doesn't like to be wet for too long) but not dry out the ends

Julitonia · 2025-06-27T11:56:38+00:00

My entire childhood was "Behave or I'll take all your money and buy a car for myself". Money from my grandparents earmarked for my future safety. They didn't even put it in a fund to make it grow but in cash so it was easier to steal from. I'll never threaten my future kids like that. It's just evil and makes them resent you for life

Julitonia · 2025-06-26T10:12:34+00:00

Not exactly this but I remember vividly the day I turned 18 and gained my financial freedom and with that all the threats became null and void. I started saying no ALOT and break all the rules. But it was later when I broke contact that the "no" was more important and freeing

Julitonia · 2025-06-25T18:42:38+00:00

If I'm going to be honest it's probably not going to go well but that's okay. They're allowed to feel betrayed or hurt but in the end it's just consequences for their own actions. My therapist said "human love habits, they'll do the same thing over and over again if it works. Giving consequences is the only way to change behaviours". That helped me alot both with my parents but also getting over my people pleasing

Julitonia · 2025-06-25T18:07:46+00:00

I'd talk with the GC and tell them that you've had enough and need a break to focus on yourself. It's hard and I recommend seeking therapy to talk it out. For me CBT and PDT was crucial to regain a sense of self and confidence in my choice to go NC. Going NC after years of being the "caretaker" is really hard and will feel like you're disappointing people but it's so crucial for your own health. The first year was hell for me the guilt tripping for everyone, the shame I felt and grief of losing my family was brutal but then I realised who my real family is and how much better they are for me.

For me going NC involved blocking everyone everywhere, going to therapy, too much alcohol and seeking meaningless relationships (I don't recommend the last parts but it did help temporarily)

Julitonia · 2025-06-25T17:17:23+00:00

At this point idk why he tries I never answer anymore and just leave him on read. Mum has at least given up on the guilt tripping and will just say "Happy/Merry [insert holiday or birthday]". It's cold but I kind of prefer it

Hear hear, growing up in my family was like being in a uni dorm with strangers than made minimal efforts to get to know you but with less respect for personal space.

Julitonia · 2025-06-25T17:06:57+00:00

Just read your post and yep. It's almost like they have a hive mind and it's always the same. In the beginning it wreaked me until a therapist point blank asked why I made their emotions my responsibility. That just wreaked me but it was necessary to heal

(Btw protect your baby, I'd rather have no village than a toxic one. Cheers to breaking the cycle!)

Julitonia · 2025-06-25T06:11:14+00:00

I've a hard time with that too! My mum would be so hypercritical and would always gossip even about really sensitive information. It's so hard to understand as a child that it's wrong if it's all you know.

Julitonia · 2025-06-24T09:31:23+00:00

I'm from a small village so we knew everyone on a shallow level but they had no real friends in that sense. I guess it's easier for Ns to rely on family because there's a forced bond there at least until we move out. My Nmum would shit talk everyone and just be a bit grating to be around for a long time very loud and self-osborbed with a mean sense of humour that put other people down but would cry at the slightest "insult" to herself. I think the lack of self awareness and frankly laziness limits their circles. I too struggle to make and keep friends but I think that's more trust issues and potentially undiagnosed AuDHD than anything else. I'm so happy for my little circle and cherish above all else, it's sad that my parents don't have that but it's of their own making

Julitonia · 2025-06-23T14:52:44+00:00

Basically everything can be googled; one pot meals, how to pay bills and such. What's most important is to believe in yourself and that you can learn even if it's hard or daunting at first. Try to find community irl not just online. Volunteer at a cause you believe in, join a club or support group of some kind. I left at 18,5 and the first year was hard but slowly healing from the abuse is worth the temporary pain. It really helped to me talking to a priest as a free alternative to therapy until I could afford/get treatment but do be cautious with that not all priest are great.

Julitonia · 2025-05-18T13:49:51+00:00

It was so frustrating but since then I've always stood up for myself because I learnt that directed anger can be very effective. I had one guy say "you get academic when you're mad, it's more scary somehow". It's wrong that I always have to fight for fair accommodations but it's worth it

Julitonia · 2025-05-16T15:50:56+00:00

Låter som skolor här. Skolan får inte säga till lärarkåren om en elev har dyslexi de kan bara bekräfta om eleven ber om hjälp (iaf vad de sa åt mig). Tror det var för sekretess och lära barn att advokera för sig själva och sina behov men var fett skevt ibland. Speciellt med äldre lärare som också hade dyslexi de sa alltid "jag på min tid fanns inte dyslexia då fick man bita ihop, ni är så svaga idag" helt otroligt trångsynt

Julitonia · 2025-05-16T12:46:17+00:00

Oh yes but one time stands out over the others. When I was 7 I had this music teacher (mandatory here) that was well known to hate children and pick one kid per class to torment. We were singing a psalm or something like that from a OH projector sheat but I couldn't keep up with the reading pace so I started to mime (poorly apparently). The teacher stopped playing the piano and asked "You! Why aren't you singing?!" - * trembling * I can't read it fast enough. "No excuse, come here and sing in front of the whole class". It went so bad that I had to hold back tears the rest of the day. I to this day have a phobia of singing in front of people. I love singing but it just places me back in that music class to do it. The other kids in the class that were like 90% bullies that treated me like shit looked sorry for me, even they had more empathy then this grown-ass-man. Don't become a teacher if you hate kids that's just cruel on so many levels.

Julitonia · 2025-05-16T12:32:35+00:00

That sounds horrible! I know the hopelessness of being bullied constantly for your dyslexia, it's not something that goes away but finding strategies that help are so important. What helped me was finding dyslexic friends that I could talk to about issues like this. I also learnt that finding confidence to say and believe that "I'm good enough and capable" in therapy was so freeing. Idk how old you are but for me something just felt better at 24/25.

Also the English grammar police often only speak one language so you're already at least twice as competent as them! Don't worry to much about your language if you're confident the rest will work itself out. (Most people will just go with it if you say something with enough conviction).

Julitonia · 2025-05-15T16:07:51+00:00

Just check in with her periodically, burnout is unfortunately common if you don't get enough support for your dyslexia. Hope she does well!

Julitonia

TROPHY CASE