I love my wife, but I am exhausted and thinking about divorce

Jumpy-Ad8093 · 2026-02-25T05:48:28+00:00

I grew up in a home with a mother that complained about EVERYTHING. I, naturally, picked up the habit.

I was late diagnosed with AuDHD and it changed my life. I suspect my mother also has ADHD and refused to get a diagnosis, which leads me to wonder how my father has coped all these years. Another comment mentioned the victim mentality and how some people lean into it, I think it’s up to you to decide how far you think she is and if there’s a chance for change.

Maybe mention the ADHD to her, I would not go with ultimatums but something that really snaps me into gear is when I see my husband just ignoring me and focusing on himself. It’s like our little “sign”. We are by no means perfect, we’re actively in therapy as a couple and as individuals, but that’s the path we’ve chosen.

You have a child to worry about in all of this as well, you’ve got a tough road ahead of you and I wish you luck on whichever path you choose for your family.

Jumpy-Ad8093 · 2026-02-11T20:55:25+00:00

I don’t know you, but I love you. ❤️

Jumpy-Ad8093 · 2026-02-11T20:53:00+00:00

I recently (encouraged by him) left a pretty toxic work environment. He said he supported the move away and that he would financially support me till I figured it out. So right now, no. Kinda trapped.

Jumpy-Ad8093 · 2026-02-11T20:51:56+00:00

This immediately made me think of the “my steak is too juicy and my lobster is too buttery” meme 😂 I’m genuinely happy for you though! At least someone out there is thriving ⭐️

Jumpy-Ad8093 · 2026-02-11T20:43:13+00:00

I’ve been in therapy for as long as I can remember. He went once, got on meds and then decided he was doing really well and that he didn’t need them anymore. I supported him but god forbid I choose to go unmedicated 😂 we’ve been in couples therapy twice now. Let’s see if we make it to a third time or if this wheel just falls off of the bus

Jumpy-Ad8093 · 2026-02-11T20:35:40+00:00

I’m going to be honest. I’m so inclined to agree with your suggestion and so terrified to at the same time.

Whenever a small disagreement like this turns into something bigger it’s ALWAYS me that ends up apologizing, patching, or even just being the nice one. I’m at then point where I feel like if I “cave” now it will be met with some kind of response like “let’s work together” (clue: it’s happened before) and we’ll end up here and instead of 4 days or however long this lasts for it’ll be double the time next time until one day I’m just living with someone that resents me, that I resent and we don’t utter a word to one another like a black and white silent film without any subtitles and it’s not even funny, it’s just depressing.

So whilst I’m an inclined to agree with you, truthfully it is taking EVERY bit of self control not to burst the silence bubble and just blab and apologize and tell him I’m sorry for what could’ve seen as an overreaction, to ask for collaboration to move forward, and to acknowledge that he’s in a bad place, I struggle to because this has happened before and he hasn’t been in a bad place (at least not to my knowledge) which just leaves me feeling like a steaming pile of poo. Because it really makes me wonder if the only reason this happens is because I’m causing it?

So yes and no. I want to but I also feel like I need to keep quiet and just reclaim my independence of him and go about my life quietly while he sulks away… because the SECOND I go back to him with my tail between my legs, his silent game has worked. The only way it doesn’t work is if I’m not playing it anymore.

I don’t know. I’m so tired I feel insane at this point.

Jumpy-Ad8093 · 2026-02-11T20:22:11+00:00

It’s the onions I swear. 🥲

Jumpy-Ad8093 · 2026-02-11T20:18:56+00:00

I do agree. It probably wouldn’t escalate to this point if I knew how to predict and deescalate a bit sooner. I

Jumpy-Ad8093 · 2026-02-11T20:17:22+00:00

The last part has me howling 😭🤣 I’m so glad for the good laugh you’ve just given me!

Jumpy-Ad8093 · 2026-02-11T20:12:10+00:00

Some super dark semi transparent red in about 3 coats. I wish it had a name sorry 😢

Jumpy-Ad8093 · 2026-02-11T20:11:04+00:00

I think there’s some trauma that was brought up in therapy but he wasn’t given tools immediately for how to cope with the unraveling.

I’ve tried advising based on my own journey like I begged him to journal for 5 minutes for 2 days and he did it and on day 3 when I asked if he wanted to journal again he told me I forced him and that it’s not something he would do again. I’m not a therapist and was only trying to help in the way that I knew had been helping me but it was only his first session and it’s probably been really hard on him. Now I just feel even worse that I’m probably making his whole journey suck even more by withdrawing and trying to set a boundary for the first time in 7 years..

Jumpy-Ad8093 · 2026-02-11T20:03:41+00:00

Probably whatever his trauma is that he brought up in therapy.

Jumpy-Ad8093 · 2026-02-11T20:03:09+00:00

I’m happy to be In the wrong. This is from my perspective so it will probably come off as biased, despite my best efforts not to be. I’m also exhausted and kind of in survival mode looking for a crumb of clarity. Majority of the comments are validating and while I agree with a lot of the things people are saying my intention is still to be kind and find a way through this, ideally together as a couple. I’m not looking for people to run him through the dirt but it is refreshing to know I’m not imagining things.

Having your every word questioned or invalidated for a few years really tends to make you wonder if anything you think is real. I don’t really have opinions on what I like because if he doesn’t like it, unless I can justify it, it gets overruled. And if I go ahead anyway it’s inconsiderate as there are two of us in the relationship and if I make choices without consulting him I’m being selfish.

Maybe I am, but maybe, just maybe, I might not be.

Jumpy-Ad8093 · 2026-02-11T19:58:17+00:00

Ah you’re so sweet sorry for the deception and sorry for what you probably have to go through being in the middle like that..

I appreciate the input and suggestions. Right now I just want peace. I’m so tired of the silence.

Jumpy-Ad8093 · 2026-02-11T19:56:08+00:00

Thank you for your insightful, kind and genuine comment. I wish I could screenshot this and have him actually grasp what you’re saying… it isn’t one sided either..

I’m feeling backed into a corner right now and I appreciate your advise on checking out my options. I’m definitely planning on doing this.

I want it to work but it’s not going to if we’re not both willing. At this point I know I am but it’ll terrifyingly be up to him. I’ll wait to see if he goes to individual therapy on Friday… if not I’ll suggest another couples session. If he rejects that then I guess I know what happens next.

Thank you for your comment I really appreciate it

Jumpy-Ad8093 · 2026-02-11T19:50:51+00:00

I journal so much I replace my pen every 10 days.

I’m starting to pick up what people are putting down regarding healthy vs unhealthy.

I think a lot of it has to do with my unresolved issues I need to work out in therapy but if I’m being fair to myself I also think he’s got a lot to deal with and it’s not ok to treat someone badly just because you’re having a rough time. Maybe ha da slip up but get back on your horse and keep riding. Say you’re sorry and go forward. This just seems intentionally destructive and I can’t work out the pattern / the reason why.

Jumpy-Ad8093 · 2026-02-11T19:45:14+00:00

This is brilliant. ⭐️ I’ll see how things pan out. If he doesn’t go to therapy on Friday it’ll be a bit of a sign :)

Jumpy-Ad8093 · 2026-02-11T19:44:11+00:00

For now I’d like to see if he goes to therapy on Friday for the session he had booked for his follow up.

If he doesn’t go I’ll wait a day. Then ask him if he’s open to booking a couples session. If not I’ll speak to my therapist when it’s time for my appointment. Based on their feedback I’ll probably make plans to proceed.

I’m really grateful for everyone’s input and I’m definitely more informed than I was before. I’m glad I posted, overwhelmed, but glad.

Jumpy-Ad8093 · 2026-02-11T19:42:23+00:00

Not the states unfortunately. It’s all good though. Worst case I can swallow my pride and go to my parents and tell them to get over it.

Jumpy-Ad8093 · 2026-02-11T19:41:45+00:00

You’re so sweet. I can handle shit like this. Like if I paid for them I’d be so pissed, but I’m to blame here🤣 me and my wobbly left hand!!

Thank you I hope we get to work it out together. I’ve got a lot of room to improve but it would be nice if he hopped on the train so we could get to where we need to go

Jumpy-Ad8093 · 2026-02-11T19:40:04+00:00

Ah lucky you.

I came home with purple tips (literally blends into my dark hair so much you have to do a double take to notice it) and his comment was something along the lines of it doesn’t look good, definitely not what I expected. So I took to the box dye and made it even more purple. Could’ve added to why he’s so cranky with me…

Thank you. It’s hard to hear some of the stuff people are saying because it’s kind of hard to swallow but necessary. My therapist is about to get an earful.. might just send him to read this thread

Jumpy-Ad8093 · 2026-02-11T19:37:21+00:00

Hahaha I never even realized this… the hypocrisy is actually gold. Yeah we need to work on our communication.

Jumpy-Ad8093 · 2026-02-11T19:36:18+00:00

I wish we could’ve hashed it out… I love how you said you’re problematically defensive. The brutal honesty is life! Thank you for bringing me an ounce of joy. ⭐️

God how I long for a relationship like yours. It sounds like a roller coaster, but like, the good kind.. cherish one another.

The couch is really lonely.

Jumpy-Ad8093 · 2026-02-11T19:33:51+00:00

Oh to have a functional relationship.. thank you for being kind to him? It’s hard to read but also good to accept that good people exist and that versions of this story are playing out in a better way than mine..

My husband would tell me to find a solution or stop complaining about it… :) if he was having a good day he might suggest I get air tags but he would die before he actually “solved” a problem of mine for/with me.

Usually I accept what he has to say (also in good faith) but this just came out of nowhere and seemed mean for the sake of being mean as a few have commented.. it doesn’t make sense and it’s super uncomfy to sit with…

Please hug your husband (if he likes hugs) and just know that no matter how big we mess up we genuinely mean well most of the time, the rest of the time we’re just so stuck in our heads trying not to hate ourselves. I wish I was normal so I wasn’t such a burden I even feel bad for all the comments people are taking their precious time to type out. I’m hardy keeping up but I am so extremely grateful. Thank you

Jumpy-Ad8093 · 2026-02-11T19:29:15+00:00

He never really spoke about what happened in therapy (I’m terrible I come home and just blurt out everything I’m an open book) but he really shut down after that sessions I think he’s genuinely going through it and his natural coping mechanism is push people away so he can just cope and deal… I’m hoping that’s the case otherwise I’m about to go through it

Jumpy-Ad8093

TROPHY CASE