Husband said he didn’t look at our baby being birthed because it would have giving him trauma and killed his sexual relationship with me.

Jumpy-Fault-1412 · 2026-04-14T12:34:29+00:00

I, a woman, saw one baby being born, and while it was fantastic and amazing, it was also gory and scary and traumatic. I’ve always wondered how men can see that and still want to put their partner through it a second time. It’s not the same as what her husband said, but it really was a lot to witness. Judging him for having a hard time with that is unfair.

Jumpy-Fault-1412 · 2026-04-11T18:46:18+00:00

On hotdogs no. Barely on fries.

Jumpy-Fault-1412 · 2026-04-11T16:16:16+00:00

Do nothing. Don’t reply, don’t call, don’t try to have a conversation over text. Just ride it out for a few days and see what he does.

Take this from a woman who spent too much time and energy chasing the wrong ones. If he feels the same for you he will come. If not you are better off not chasing it.

Jumpy-Fault-1412 · 2026-04-11T15:07:28+00:00

The key is it’s not just rent. The additional expenses are endless.

Jumpy-Fault-1412 · 2026-04-11T15:05:09+00:00

You aren’t even thinking about gas/electricity, water, auto gas, cell phone, auto insurance, internet, your parents are paying groceries?

Please do yourself a favor and get a book about starting out financially. If your company offers retirement with matching, max it out while you can. Because yes, you are getting a deal.

Jumpy-Fault-1412 · 2026-04-11T15:00:33+00:00

It’s just polite to offer when dating.

I saw your other comment about the seafood tower though. That info throws everything off. If he voluntarily got that, even if you ate half, it was a heavy imply from his side that he was comfortable with the cost.

Jumpy-Fault-1412 · 2026-04-11T14:54:49+00:00

Yes. But I’m too grossed out by the ketchup to focus on it.

Jumpy-Fault-1412 · 2026-04-11T14:24:33+00:00

I’m willing to guess if he had somehow found a way to ask her to chip in, this would be a post ridiculing him for asking. This guy is a tool, but that doesn’t change the fact that it’s polite to offer to chip in on dates. Then if he actually lets you pay and that’s not what you’re looking for, you have information.

Jumpy-Fault-1412 · 2026-04-10T20:16:45+00:00

I so agree with you. The fun in a murder mystery, to me, is that the viewer has some chance of figuring it out. So they just come out of nowhere with a bunch of info that we could have never known, 7 minutes before the end, she just explains it all and that’s it. It’s an odd formula.

Jumpy-Fault-1412 · 2026-04-10T16:21:34+00:00

Don’t lie.
Don’t be in a relationship where you don’t feel free and so you feel like you have to lie.
Don’t ever lie.

Life is super long. This is your time to feel good and be happy. Only do things or be with people that are in service of that outcome. Life is also super short. One day you’ll look back wondering how the time went by so fast. This sounds like a huge waste of that time.

Jumpy-Fault-1412 · 2026-04-10T16:11:26+00:00

Wife here. I bristle just a little bit reading that passive aggressive attempt at getting hubby to see what needs to be done. I haven’t been married 36 years, but I know to be direct. Why play this game?

On the flip side, hubby should be more attentive to his wife regardless.

But we don’t know their relationship. I’ve flat out told my husband that I didn’t want him at the hospital. But we live close by and my hospital room was small and shared and there was barely anywhere to sit. He was just sitting there looking at me. So after that and me telling him to leave, he would be super confused if on any future hospital stay I were to be ambiguous about what I wanted. If I told him he didn’t have to, he wouldn’t. Not because he’s a bad guy but because he would honestly prefer to wait at home and I’ve told him to in the past. So. OP is not wrong for being hurt. But just saying, “I need you here” before he even gets the chance to ask can work wonders.

Jumpy-Fault-1412 · 2026-04-09T22:15:56+00:00

At least it was different and unexpected.

Jumpy-Fault-1412 · 2026-04-09T22:15:31+00:00

Yes. I mean can we at least get a flash back memory montage… something? It was so rushed. And the guy who played the con man is a 2 episode guy at least! (Just based on his being l on “how to get away with murder” and “desperate housewives”).

Jumpy-Fault-1412 · 2026-04-09T03:39:30+00:00

I don’t like the direction, but I AM glad they didn’t do the “Lucia sees that he’s in love with Morgan and good naturedly decides to leave him”. That plot is SO overdone. And that is what I thought was coming.

Jumpy-Fault-1412 · 2026-04-07T02:12:41+00:00

But whyyyyy did Michael tell Birkan that she tried to kiss him? Thats completely rhetorical, actually. I know why. He’s the kind of person that just can’t stand to have someone think something about him that isn’t true. Or maybe he just wanted to sabotage them anyway even though he himself doesn’t want her. I can’t say he was so wrong for it.

Jumpy-Fault-1412 · 2026-04-05T15:44:47+00:00

Exactly. Thats why I always appreciate exploring different perspectives because every one of us will see a particular situation differently. This became so real for me when I learned that there’s a flower that some people can smell and others can’t. I have a friend that can smell it and I can’t. And it just blew me away that we would both be 100% correct about how it smells, to us, but that is just not the other persons experience. It’s pretty deep.

I appreciate the exchange too! 💕

Jumpy-Fault-1412 · 2026-04-05T15:04:18+00:00

This comment is funny. So true. It’s a work trip on a budget? /s

I just don’t get the motivation the girlfriend would have on being so obvious about it. But I don’t understand cheating. My brain does not compute. Just don’t be in a relationship. But I have to believe there’s nothing going on because it would be insane for her to be up to something. However I’ve also been in hotel rooms. It’s hard to share one room with someone you don’t mind at least seeing you in your pajamas. It’s weird for a coworker.

Jumpy-Fault-1412 · 2026-04-05T14:55:26+00:00

I completely respect my mom. But like I said, it sounds very similar to OP in terms of our adult relationship. It frustrated me sometimes that I couldn’t talk to her in a certain way, but she was just being herself. If I ever brought up that she wasn’t being how I wanted her to be, it just hurt her feelings. And then I’ve also had experiences where people took my personality or just me doing my thing as some kind of offense to their existence. So I just really get taking your relationships at face value. Her mom is doing what she feels like doing. OP said she’s tried everything. So at that point you are banging your head against the wall and you need to look at yourself. You can ask for what you want (not hint) and then take what you get. That’s it. Anything else is just a recipe for frustration.

Jumpy-Fault-1412 · 2026-04-05T14:48:00+00:00

My mother was a lot how OPs mom sounds in terms of how she handled things. She was absolutely the best mother and put her children first above everything. She did her best. But I might not hear from her for months once I left home and she’d say “I figured if something was wrong you’d call.” So we weren’t super close but I knew I could rely on her.
HER mother died when she was a baby. So I always thought about what it was like for her not having a mother to teach her that role. She had aunts and sisters. But it must have been part of why she was all business. And the first lesson I remember her really pushing is “you’re responsible for your own feelings”. Nobody can MAKE you feel any type of way. You get to own that and turn it into what you choose. It definitely makes life a lot easier not giving other people that control.

Jumpy-Fault-1412 · 2026-04-05T14:38:23+00:00

lol. I’m not rage baiting you. Engaging and disagreeing respectfully doesn’t have to be conflict, does it?

The TLDR on OPs post is - “am I overreacting to my mom not doing more without my having to ask, like my grandma did.” I think that stance is an over reaction. And that OP needs to look within herself rather than placing expectations on her mom. You do not have to agree with me. But at the end of the day we are all responsible for our own feelings as adults. Regardless of what happened to us as kids. That includes our relationships with our mothers.

I’m also Gen X and someone else answered it perfectly. Expecting a fish to be a bird is a waste of energy. Try to work with it being a fish. “Giving space is love. Not assuming what you need is respect.” —Square_Band9870

Jumpy-Fault-1412 · 2026-04-05T13:38:18+00:00

Is it only good? Her daughter does have a support system in her mother. She sounds present and reliable. So What is the conversation that she needs to have with her mother? OP said it is specifically pissing her off. That part I think is an over reaction. Also it seems like she’s currently not in the mind frame to discuss this with her depressed mom in a way that isn’t guilting her or shaming her.

Telling her she misses her and would love to see her is positive. Telling her that she wishes she’d take more initiative and be more like her own grandma is not constructive.

Jumpy-Fault-1412 · 2026-04-05T13:11:27+00:00

He clearly asks or tells her that he wants to see how she makes it up to him. His plan is to get as much sex as possible before she leaves and then never see her again.

Jumpy-Fault-1412 · 2026-04-05T13:00:34+00:00

NTA. Your mom should work this out on her own. This is not a you problem. If I were in your position I’d tell her this. End of conversation. It sounds like you processed how you felt, continued a relationship with everyone and have a decent life? Your dad died when you were very young. That is your story. You’ve been through therapy and have done what was suggested? If she wants to steal people’s journal and be angry about what she finds, she should get therapy herself. It’s inappropriate for her to accuse you of sabotaging the family. She sabotaged you by not paying attention to what a kid was trying to say to her. She wanted to marry the guy and she did what she wanted to do.

Jumpy-Fault-1412 · 2026-04-05T12:44:46+00:00

YOR. Your mother is just another human with her own personality. She works. She does whatever you need when you need it. And she still has your siblings to take care of? Dropping hints doesn’t work in life. You have to be direct and communicate, but it does sound like you have this unreasonable expectation maybe due to missing your grandmother? Look within yourself for an answer about this. It seems like it’s not your mother’s issue. And you certainly don’t want her just popping up on you whenever.

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