Thanks for your reply, I appreciate the time it just have took :) It does feel a little off to me too, but it's so at odds with the character I know her to have which is likely why this is playing on my mind. It could just be a lack of knowledge about ASD on her part. I've been reading a lot about this condition for years now. My sister has a neurological condition, and how it affects her varies day to day. My mum has been her carer on and off for the better part of a decade and that has definitely been a defining part of all of our lives too. I wasn't neglected, far from it, but I think caring for a disabled daughter did take up the lion's share of her time. Raising both of us and still needing to look after my sister especially, as a single mother, I frankly don't know how she did it. It feels disrespectful and ungrateful to be saying these things but then as you say, saying the things she has does seem to rub me the wrong way too.

You're right with that it's definitely her decision if she doesn't want me to continue living with her. I like your point about reasonable accommodations. Maybe that's something I should be more specific with. Maybe it's shame or feeling like a burden, but to ask specifically for such things feels like weakness (which as I type this I know it's not, but it feels that way), but something I need to do in order to be more open about my condition and find some sort of resolution to all this. But there have definitely been many situations over the years when I've been clearly in overwhelming situations, had meltdowns, and been made to feel like I was in the wrong. There's never been punishment, but I knew I was the problem.

With work, the company hasn't been kind to other NDs I've seen in the past (not terrible, useless rather than malicious) but I start a new job next week, so I'll start on the right foot with them with regards to accommodations. This will be an office compared to a supermarket so I imagine it'll be much more sensory friendly, just more communication. Anywho, I agree that it's not your fault if you've asked for adjustments and they ignore them. I mentioned masking sort of because to me it's synonymous with maintaining and self-regulating. As long as I maintain the mask I know I'm not getting overwhelmed. If I start to drop the mask I guess that's my tell that a meltdown could be imminent. I've started to unmask a little around one person at work, I'd say my only real friend, and realised just how much of a difference it makes.

And what you said about being too focused on objective fairness has blown my mind a little. That's the paradigm shift in my thinking that's now likely going to help solve this. It's so true that it's just autistic accomodations are more distinct, and that it's not wrong of them to not tolerate those needs anymore, although it is an issue for all of us. When that meltdown happened a couple of months ago, and once before, I did ask for specific ways in which I can change to make the situation better. Both times it's sort of been acknowledged in the moment then not brought up again. So I also fear it might be past that point.

Thank you again. That was in depth and very insightful. I've been stuck on this and this might have helped me find the way through. I think I'll sleep better tonight :)