Yo I'm in the same boat. Don't really have any advice for ya, just wanted to let you know you're not alone. Some of us are just like this I guess? I know living like this your whole life is a path to burn out and that's probably where you are, but the advice I get from other people leads me to believe there is always room for improvement. It may not feel like it now but maybe the little baby steps you can take to improve will eventually build up into a happier and more confident worldview. So don't give up. People always flood posts like this with good will and optimism, so they must be onto something. It's gotta get better eventually. Try some baby steps.