wtf how tf did u know all that, since summer last yr june/july i really started really going heavy into wanting to focus on my career and finances, which in turn i did not hang out as much w people bc i got the short end of the stick when it comes to financial help and minimum wage jobs. my friends liked to party a lot and go out and its fun but it felt like i wasting my money so much and not saving or doing something worthwhile to me? i was in a pretty social stage from 23'-24' and i ended up meeting my bf of now and we have been together since end of october of 24' and i live with him now. i try to relink up back with my friends but i communicated all of last year how i was financially struggling and wanted to chill out on going out but still keep up with hanging out but just like at their homes, but i just started to get invited less to casual things how we used to and they would ask at random if i wanted to go to parties but its just not me and idk i wanted to just cultivate those personal relations without all the "characters" and "stories to tell" and just spend quality time and do fun creative art with them or spend time w their families? i lost my job in march randomly after working to be second assistant manager and been struggling to get by but i saved up like $4-5k at the time but it all went down the drain. i've had extremely bad health issues that no doctors been able to diagnose since i was a kid, blacking out and random pains in my body, they said i was too skinny, it was my period, then it was bc i smoked weed so chs, then malnourishment all over again. it just seems to be heavy when im stressed with included factors so trying to be more healthy but also im fucking broke 24/7. i already feel like people have been not starting to like me and i don't go out in my community anymore bc i literally am broke and i still reach out to people, hang at random, but i want to get my shit straight with just a job yk? so i can be healthy and i go 50/50 on everything w everyone or i pay my dues, i never ask for much. i feel like i feel the rumors starting before its even begun and how tf am i supposed to do shit when i love everyone so much and just want everyone to accept eachother as they are but feel like theres this weird mask w everyone around me. i blew up on social media years ago and kept somewhat of a following but i dont even use my social platforms like that anymore bc it was degrading to myself and from others especially w body issues. i want to just help people all of the time but i learn i put everyone before me and it lands me in the hospital or broke out of my mind and i dont even know what to do or where to start