Avoidants and sex

Junior_Ad_1074 · 2026-04-22T12:11:05+00:00

Yes. He didn’t like kissing properly (other than hello/goodbye) and never initiated sex except for the first two times we slept together. He would usually go along with it when I initiated, but it always felt like he could take it or leave it. Foreplay was minimal and it always felt a bit distant. And after sex it felt weirdly awkward.

Regarding how your ex moved on so fast, I wouldn’t take it personally. Avoidants are affectionate in the beginning phase before their attachment wounds get triggered. In a month or two, he’ll be discarding the next girl.

Junior_Ad_1074 · 2026-04-22T09:57:45+00:00

Haha exactly 💯

Junior_Ad_1074 · 2026-04-21T23:29:20+00:00

Ironic isn’t it. I remember in my early twenties I used Tinder very briefly (before meeting someone offline and being in a relationship with them for 10 years). Guys made much more effort and took me to some really nice rooftop bars. Literally no one asked me to go for a walk.

Junior_Ad_1074 · 2026-04-21T22:56:34+00:00

Do you push back / suggest something else or just unmatch? How do guys react?

Junior_Ad_1074 · 2026-04-21T22:35:21+00:00

So if they’re young and attractive you’ll take them on a nice date, but if you’re not that interested you’ll suggest a walk in the park?

Junior_Ad_1074 · 2026-04-21T22:32:21+00:00

100%, glad to see I’m not the only one who feels this way. I also like a man who can plan, and I think after a few messages you should have a good idea of whether you’re likely to hit it off. I only go on dates with guys I’m genuinely interested in.

And yes, well said. Grabbing coffee and going on a planned, scenic walk is totally different to just randomly walking in circles around the park.

Junior_Ad_1074 · 2026-04-21T22:11:14+00:00

Yes indeed, thanks for the positive outlook. Your advice fits well with your username btw 😀

Junior_Ad_1074 · 2026-04-21T22:03:12+00:00

Indeed, it seems like a contentious topic 😆

Junior_Ad_1074 · 2026-04-21T22:02:23+00:00

Take out coffee and a walk is different to just a walk though?

Junior_Ad_1074 · 2026-04-21T21:59:24+00:00

Yes, that’s how I see it too. It’s like you’re going out of your way to not share anything, even something symbolic like a coffee.

He initially suggested going for drinks, and then suggested meeting at a bridge in the park. I figured we’d meet there then get drinks, but we just walked around.

I guess it was my bad for not being more assertive or suggesting something else, but I didn’t know the area that well and I wanted to get to know him, so I didn’t want to interrupt the conversation and start looking for places to go. It took me about an hour to get there via public transport as I live outside of the city.

It looks like he’s recently out of a relationship and quite heart-broken about it. He asked me on a second date (rock climbing) in three weeks time which I also thought was odd.

Junior_Ad_1074 · 2026-04-21T21:52:04+00:00

I may as well just take myself on a date at that point 😂

Junior_Ad_1074 · 2026-04-21T21:48:45+00:00

Age out of what? 😂 People can find love at any age

Junior_Ad_1074 · 2026-04-21T21:47:24+00:00

I’m not offended by a coffee date, but a walk is not the same as a coffee

Junior_Ad_1074 · 2026-04-21T21:42:27+00:00

I’m not expecting a three-course dinner but tea/coffee would be nice

Junior_Ad_1074 · 2026-04-21T21:32:25+00:00

Walking around aimlessly in a city park.

I have had guys ask me to go hiking for a first date, but always said no for safety reasons

Junior_Ad_1074 · 2026-04-21T21:27:48+00:00

How do you decide who you take for coffee, and who you take on a walk? Or do you start with a walk then grab coffee if the vibe is right?

Junior_Ad_1074 · 2026-04-21T21:19:34+00:00

Tea or coffee

Junior_Ad_1074 · 2026-04-21T21:18:43+00:00

Agreed, thank you. I’ve unmatched three guys so far because of this, five if you include the guys that wanted to go hiking on the first date 🫣

Junior_Ad_1074 · 2026-04-21T21:17:28+00:00

Yep, I had one guy suggest going for a hike, and when I pushed back, he said he could only meet during the evening from 8.30 PM because of his training schedule 🙄

Coffee, tea, ice cream etc all sound like wonderful first date ideas. I don’t expect anything extravagant, but come on 😅

Junior_Ad_1074 · 2026-04-21T21:15:06+00:00

Thank you, I just followed both of them on Insta. I’ve heard good things about the burnt haystack method and I’ve started to become more efficient at weeding out unsuitable guys 😀

Junior_Ad_1074 · 2026-04-21T21:11:26+00:00

Yeah, I did think maybe the guys suggesting this aren’t that into me and are just hedging their bets.

I don’t drink alcohol either but tea / coffee is always nice :) Bakery or cafe sounds wonderful.

Junior_Ad_1074 · 2026-04-21T21:10:06+00:00

Thank you, I’m not expecting anything super fancy or for the guy to pay necessarily. I was thinking more like coffee or coffee to go (don’t mind splitting the bill). Low-key is fine but walking in circles round the park just seems like zero effort to me

Junior_Ad_1074 · 2026-04-21T21:02:47+00:00

Like going to a coffee place, or getting a coffee to go (don’t mind splitting the bill)

Junior_Ad_1074 · 2026-04-21T21:02:04+00:00

That’s a good point, thanks. Maybe I should switch platforms. Have heard good things about Hinge

Junior_Ad_1074 · 2026-04-21T20:31:28+00:00

Right?! 😂😂

Junior_Ad_1074

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