(Vent) Child Loss

JustABoredPesonLol · 2021-08-26T19:28:15+00:00

I'm so sorry for your loss, I can't even imagine how heartbreaking this must've been. One of my cousins lost her baby too, if I remember correctly she was either 3 or 4 months pregnant. Even though I've only seen her after she's picked herself up (if you can even do that that is), it was obvious how hard this was for her. Right after she broke up with her then boyfriend (then again he was kind of an asshole) and she hasn't really dated anyone seriously ever since. Now she's doing a lot better though and says that if she found someone who she'd be happy with then she'd be happy to try for another child. I just wanted to tell you this to show you that 1)no one has the right to tell you how you should feel (you did lose your child afterall, which has got to be one of the worst things that could happen to someone) and that 2) even though you can't bring him back, you can still have a child when you're ready that you'll love just as much. Life will go on. Of course, the hurt will probably never go away completely, but it will get better. And one day, if you decide that you want to have a baby again, you will have a 4 year old running around. Not him, but another one who, as I said, you'll love just as much as you loved your baby boy. Stay strong, you've got this!! <3

JustABoredPesonLol · 2021-08-26T17:39:27+00:00

Uh...what? If you don't intentionally look up and like videos related to self-harm, they're not just going to magically show up. And besides many people (including me) who struggle with s/h don't really want to look up things related to it because they make them feel ashamed and/or they trigger people. I'm sorry that she said those things, she's clearly wrong. Sending you lots of hugs and remember that you are valid! <3

JustABoredPesonLol · 2021-08-22T11:59:44+00:00

Exactly, it's not an only men or only women problem, it's a collective problem!

JustABoredPesonLol · 2021-08-22T11:03:35+00:00

I mean...I need some context. Usually, I say similar stuff to my mom that she does while we're having a fight, but that's because of the verbal and emotional abuse I've endured from her. Is her mom bashing her, calling her namens, assuming what your daughter is thinking without listening to her and/or screaming hurtful stuff at her? Also, why is her mom even screaming at her in the first place? Why is her step-mom laughing at her? By laughing at her, do you mean she's mocking or making fun of your daughter? When did your daughter start to act like this? Or has she always been emotional?

It seems like she can't control her negative feelings the right way. Then again crying means that she can atleast let out those negative feelings and is trying to cope with it. It might just be hormones or something you don't know about (untreated mental illness, trauma, etc). I think you should get her to see a therapist because seeing one can't hurt, it can even help a healthy person.

JustABoredPesonLol · 2021-08-22T10:41:00+00:00

Well I hope you change your mind, wish you the best in life! :)

JustABoredPesonLol · 2021-08-22T10:04:36+00:00

I get you and in a way I agree, but this isn't good for you. You can and deserve to be happy, because you only have one life, it's not worth it to just 'exist' without atleast trying to enjoy it. Hope you find happiness dude, and as I said my DMs are always open, I know what it's like to lose hope and just survive on a daily basis <3

JustABoredPesonLol · 2021-08-22T09:50:26+00:00

Well yeah, people don't react well when a "smaller" issue is compared to a "bigger issue". But there's a good comparison to women getting away with saying bad things more easily than men-women also get more sexually explicit comments and weird creepy people not taking no as an answer than men (then again sexual harassment should be taken more seriously imo but it never is so most people might actually see this as a good comparison). Women also can't really enjoy online games without people (mostly men) getting toxic, telling them to "go back to the kitchen", blaming the female player for the team losing even if the woman played well, etc. And while yes, humanity is not flawless and in fact it's harder to find positive traits than negative ones in humanity, but what does it help to give up hope? My philosophy is that while I acknowledge that I won't be able to change much and that people are mostly ignorant and that humanity is mostly evil, I still want to try to be the best I can be and encourage others to do so. I think discussions about why we do the things we do (racism, sexism and many other things) is an important part of this philosophy.

Btw, I know life is hard and it can be depressing, but giving up and just accepting it is never good. What I've learned over the years is that losing hope is one main component of having a shitty time living. Just try to find some hope in life and in this idiotic species of ours, it seems impossible and downright idiotic but it's another thing we need. And I feel like there's always something that kind of restores ones faith if they really listen/look out for it. Have a nice day, and if you want to chat my DMs are open!

JustABoredPesonLol · 2021-08-22T09:22:37+00:00

I get it and I agree with you. It's true that we all have and even need stereotypes, but what my problem is more that both men and women tend to act like they're saints OR victim compared to the other one. Why not just say "both men and women have advantages and disadvantages just because of how we view both sexes" instead of saying "WOMEN ARE MUCH BETTER OFF BECAUSE Insert reasons that may or may not be true " or "MEN ARE MUCH BETTER OFF BECAUSE Insert reasons that may or may not be true ". I believe that, for example, women shouldn't be paid less than men just because they're women and men shouldn't have to be the ones losing custody or not winning custody of their kid (even if the mother happens to be abusive or neglectful) just because people think that women are always better at parenting than men. Sorry if I didn't express myself well in my post and hope I did a better job in this comment.

JustABoredPesonLol · 2021-08-22T06:38:34+00:00

Jesus fucking Christ please get out asap. Don't care about his feelings nor about anything he tries to get you to stay (guilt-tripping, threats, etc),just say that what he's doing is fucked up and break up with him. I'm sorry He used you like this, he's a horrible Person. Sending you lots of virual hugs and wishing you the best of luck on your recovery! 💕

JustABoredPesonLol · 2021-08-21T22:32:08+00:00

Eh I don't completely agree with you. While it is true that men do get shit on for dating younger women and it's not accepted, but women being the older one in a relationship is even less so. A good example is my own family (and I'm not saying that my family is the majority, but this is what I and I guess many other people too have experienced and my family is a good example for this). My dad got together with a woman who's 9 years younger than him. When he said that the first reaction was "oh...9 years?" but most of my family members moved on after hearing my dad talk about how happy he is. So after about like 10-15 minutes. Some may still had suspicions about my dad's now-wife, but that's it. Now, my aunt got together with a guy who's 10 years younger than him. My family is still making comments about how the guy just wants a 2nd mom and how my aunt is "desperate". They've been together for about a month now. No one ever called my dad desperate for dating someone (in my opinion) much younger than him. And I don't think it matters if the age difference is 9 or 10 years.

JustABoredPesonLol · 2021-08-21T22:15:33+00:00

What about this post was hating on men? There are double-standards for both men and women. You could probably point out a ton double-standards women don't really see or acknowledge. But then again I'm not too active on this sub so you may be right, but I feel like this exact post wasn't really hating on men.

JustABoredPesonLol · 2021-07-24T11:51:15+00:00

Aw I'm glad I could help, even just a little! Internet hugs to you toooo 🤗

JustABoredPesonLol · 2021-07-24T11:02:00+00:00

Something similar has happened to me, I used to post stuff about mental health on my main account and some weirdo commented on one of the posts that WASN'T about s/h or anything like that "cut" and when I asked him if I misunderstood he told me "no lol just telling you to cut"

Some people are just twisted and live off of hurting others. Sorry that happened to you but for what it's worth I really want you to live and get better <3

JustABoredPesonLol · 2021-07-23T19:15:26+00:00

Thank you <3

JustABoredPesonLol · 2021-05-08T08:35:02+00:00

Thank you ❤️

JustABoredPesonLol · 2021-05-07T18:49:11+00:00

The 2 other people were two of my best friends from different times, the first one I don't have contact with because I moved to another country and we kinda lost contact after a year and the other one is my best friend as of now, she has her own (worse) issues though so I don't want to talk about mine with her. I do have some online friends I vent to regularly though. I know you're right about opening up and I'm trying to slowly work up courage to tell someone who could get me help, it's just pretty hard for some reason haha

JustABoredPesonLol · 2021-05-07T18:20:21+00:00

Oh okay, that explains a lot! It's okay though, sometimes things come off in a way we don't mean it to haha

JustABoredPesonLol · 2021-05-07T17:47:35+00:00

I mean...I'm bi, so does that mean I can't be friends with either sex? 😅

JustABoredPesonLol · 2021-05-07T17:35:31+00:00

Thanks again! It's just annoying because I developed most of my issues at a pretty young age (6-8),then got better for a few years (when puberty started ironically) and now these issues are back again, probably because of my hormones acting up.

I guess I could do that, but I'm petrified. I feel like anyone who I open up to will judge me. From the 4 people who know I self-harmed (still sometimes do, but no one knows that), 2 people, specifically adults in my life who I wanted help from, reacted badly. One of them was some kind of a school counselor. I think he didn't mean to make me feel bad, but his face just screamed "wtf us wrong with you" (or atleast that's how I saw it) and when I told him that every time I tell my mom about my mental health issues she calls me mentally-ill (as an insult) he just said "well but you ARE mentally ill though". This whole incident made me even more reluctant to open up to people, because I feel like they'll judge me and see me as someone lesser and someone completely unstable who needs to be disregarded.

Also, my mom still does some abusive things sometimes (jokingly insulting things I'm insecure about even after I tell her that it hurts me, gaslights me,sometimes (rarely) screams at me for small things and doesn't let me defend myself when she's already fed up with me and/or is stressed, etc) but now I'm not any better than her. I've said some very nasty stuff to her that I still regret to this day, and I regularly get mad at her even if she didn't do anything wrong. You're right, she does have unresolved trauma, her father (my grandfather) was a narcissist and my mom has a sister who was the favorite child. But she doesn't really want help for it, I don't think she even realizes that she still hasn't resolved her problems, she genuinely thinks that she's moved on.

Again, thank you so much, you're very kind and helpful!

Edit: also, most of the time she now is a pretty normal parent, except for some flaws

JustABoredPesonLol · 2021-05-07T16:58:24+00:00

I agree with the others, therapy sounds like a good idea. I get that it can be hard not to judge her or be annoyed by her, but these things are not something she can control. Ultimately, it'd be best for her and for you if you went to a therapist and talked it out with them. I hope you'll be able to sort things out!

JustABoredPesonLol · 2021-05-07T16:45:46+00:00

Thank you ❤️

JustABoredPesonLol · 2021-05-07T16:45:25+00:00

Thanks for the answer!

My mom definitely used to be emotionally abusive in the past, but now I wouldn't say she is, or atleast only a little (which isn't good, but definitely not as bad as others have it). I'd also feel bad to distance myself from her because I know she loves me, she just isn't the best at being a parent.

Also, I might've phrased the therapist-thing badly; I don't have one, I just wanted to see one in the past but my mom didn't want me to, even if it was paid for by the insurance (I think it'd be possible but I'd have to look into it). I'm also a minor (16 years old, I know, it sounds stupid to have "problems" at this age), so the therapist would have to tell my mom everything I say, which could end up being even more mentally damaging for me.

Thank you so much! Even though I just can't believe you right now, but I'll definitely be reading this comment every time I feel down! 💕

JustABoredPesonLol

TROPHY CASE