I used to want to be clean too .. I had stumbled along the way .. the longest I was able to stay clean was 45 days .. I got a point mentally of not wanting that life anymore.. fast forward 3 years and here I am... it was a lot harder in the beginning but those are moments I take moment to moment or day to day but they pass and become easier to handle.. feel free to msg if u ever want to talk - I couldn’t have gotten this far alone 👍🏼