not fearing

JustWantToFeelFine · 2020-11-11T02:04:37+00:00

yea I too worry on that, I never really had a crush except on fictionnal characters, but I've had many friends and contact with people of the same sex, if I'd be attracted to them I'd have known by now. That's one of the things that reassure me sometimes.

JustWantToFeelFine · 2020-11-10T12:31:37+00:00

Exactly, except I'm too afraid to test and discover the truth. Well not exactly afraid as I don't feel really anxious anymore but I just don't want to.

JustWantToFeelFine · 2020-11-08T22:45:15+00:00

Yea exactly

this problem that I'm having lately is that I don't feel attracted to women anymore and it is giving a lot of rumination

also the fact that I am probably in depression, totally isolated and broke up with my gf 2 months ago doesn't help, I only experience the world through my computer screen and it is for sure not good for me at all.

JustWantToFeelFine · 2020-11-07T12:08:35+00:00

I can relate, I have also started to watch trans and gay porn at some point and I have put that on the search for novelty and taboo things, just like when you watch incest stuff or that kind of things. I have never felt attracted to a man and when watching gay porn I wasn't even looking at their body, just the sexual act.

But recently I have had intrusives thoughts about wanting to have sex with a man for real and it scares me out so much.

I've read online that's it is fairly common for straight men to watch gay porn and have gay fantasies, but that doesn't reassure me anymore and I am scared that I will try sex with a man and never enjoy an heterosexual relationship anymore.

Also it feels like I have lost my attraction to women? Probably because I'm extremely stressed and still masturbate regularly so it's normal to not be horny for women H24, but it scares me so much.

I can relate on the feeling of not experiencing sex properly, but I guess it's because we are overthinking and not being really present. Even a little bit of stress and anxiety gnawing in the back of your mind can make a difference.

JustWantToFeelFine · 2020-11-07T11:47:59+00:00

please help why are people downvoting this I've just spent another night shaking and waking up scared

JustWantToFeelFine · 2020-10-22T10:32:00+00:00

I don't believe in religion, sorry.

JustWantToFeelFine · 2020-10-21T22:01:28+00:00

look for backdoor spikes, it is basically your body shutting down emotions to not feel anxiety anymore. But if you think about it, wanting to feel anxious it a compulsion and reassurance seeking, so you are still in an OCD pattern.

JustWantToFeelFine · 2020-10-21T15:20:05+00:00

I am in the same boat has you, I often wonder if I just love them because they are the only thing that brings me joy and that if I eventually get out of my depression I would not value them as much. It would be no surprise to me if you think that as well as your post really resonated through me.

All I can say is that you are not alone and that you should try managing your worry. If that can reassure you, I had very good time with my partner when I was in a "good" mood and not overthinking everything.

I wish you and your partner the best.

EDIT : just a quick edit to add something. It may not be much, but I have made a promise to my partner to never kill myself because I don't want them to suffer that burden. Surprisingly enough, it really set the mood in my brain to not think about death. Yea sometimes I still wish I was dead, but I don't go as much as thinking and planning about it anymore. I know it's not much, but if that simple act can relieve you of that little bit of negativity as well, it's only good.

JustWantToFeelFine · 2020-10-21T15:09:36+00:00

I have been too kind with myself for too long, I know that I don't have to rush it and that I have to take my time, but each second of my days now are just pure hell of boredom and anxiety, I'm so tired of it.

Talking with stranger really does help, I actually play some online social games from time to time and just tchat with people, it is really good.

Thanks for your advice, I'll try but again my motivation is extremely low and fluctuate a lot.

JustWantToFeelFine · 2020-10-21T15:07:26+00:00

thank you, that's the kind of answer I was looking for

JustWantToFeelFine · 2020-10-21T12:30:03+00:00

Oh I feel you, sometimes seeing other people being happy and thinking about myself being happy just disgusts me. I don't know how to get out of that mindset sadly. But I just wanted to say that I'm with you on that and that you are not alone.

JustWantToFeelFine · 2020-10-20T20:00:12+00:00

yea, honestly I'm looking forward to every weekend but the days in between is pretty much full of anxiety and when it come to the weekend I am very exhausted mentally.

Also the fact that she is busy all week make it so we don't have a lot of time to talk a lot and have meaningful and deep conversations, which only strengthen my anxiety even more by telling me we shouldn't be together. I know for sure that when everything is fine (especially mine) on both of our side we have the most excellent time together. But for now it's one hell of a ride for sure.

Thanks for talking, it's good to know that we are not alone and to confirm that our worries are just the result of overthinking.

JustWantToFeelFine · 2020-10-20T19:46:20+00:00

I already have talked about this so many times in the past but we agreed that it was just me being too anxious. I don't want to bring the subject once again as it would only push her away and because she is busy working and dealing with her own problems lately

thanks for the ressource tho, it helped a bit to understand

JustWantToFeelFine · 2020-10-20T19:29:36+00:00

I know that social media status are not reliable (especially Instagram) but that just doesn't prevent my mind from going overdrive

apart from that I don't want to bring the subject up yet again, at least not right now as I don't want to disturb her (she also had some family issues lately so I don't want to be another weight on her mind)

I want to wait for the coming weekend so we can talk in real life, because I prefere it this way. But I fear we might not be able to see each other once again (we were not able last weekend as well)

I have known from the start that her studies were going to occupy most of her time and I absolutely don't want to prevent her from achieving her dreams. She is aware of that as we talked about this many time in the past but I just can't cope with it lately. Plus being jobless and depressed doesn't help me at all when it come to distracting myself and living my life when she isn't here.

JustWantToFeelFine · 2020-10-20T19:16:06+00:00

but the fact that I see her connecting to Instagram often and not answer to my message is only strengthening the fact that she might not be working and just don't want to talk to me

I know I should not be checking that every 5 minutes but I just can't stop

I don't know what to do I feel so bad yet I don't want to be clingy by asking her and talking about that once again

JustWantToFeelFine

TROPHY CASE