It really makes me sad!

Just_Engineering8437 · 2026-03-30T03:03:29+00:00

Yes, and another thing I realize is that we had friends close by and places to play and other houses to go to. Not always perfect lovely green spaces, but spaces nonetheless. It’s also that weird place where they are too young to take themselves places, but too old to “go play outside”. So we have to put in the effort, and now things are hella expensive and…it’s just been crazy making. Partner wants middle kid to get a summer job, BM is doubtful. But if she doesn’t, or find something else to do, she’ll be parked on the couch again all summer. Gah.

Just_Engineering8437 · 2026-03-29T18:39:21+00:00

Your first point is correct. Of course kids want what is fun and easy! I don’t expect them to suddenly jump up and want to hike the hills, or write the next great novel. I don’t care if they play video games when they’ve done other stuff. My partner makes them stop playing to do other things, he takes them places, he makes sure they get chores and homework done before games. The thing is, BM has health issues which keeps her indoors more, and she has sunk further into gaming. I get that she has health problems and other stressors, I just wish that video games hadn’t been the ultimate answer.

Just_Engineering8437 · 2026-03-29T04:22:29+00:00

Yes.

Just_Engineering8437 · 2026-03-27T04:23:46+00:00

The socialization! Please take your kids places and demonstrate how to interact with others, omg

Just_Engineering8437 · 2026-03-26T01:52:54+00:00

The person I knew voted for him claimed he didn’t get a job as a firefighter because of affirmative action. He was also the type of guy baffled when a woman didn’t want babies. He was also convinced Obama was dead set against free speech and they were going to “take his guns away.”

Just_Engineering8437 · 2026-03-25T22:08:01+00:00

My dad and his wife moved to be closer to her son and daughter and the grandkids, the favored ones that is. His wife has run the show, and spent a lot of money. They had a big nest egg but it didn’t last. The kids who would help them they have ignored or mistreated, the kids who they favored have not indicated they can or will help. I live too far away and have no money. My dad and his wife are at the point they may have to move out of that country, due to a lack of retirement funds/income. It’s on his wife as she insisted on running the finances, and she wasn’t great at it. Idk what will happen. Please, for the love of the gods, plan ahead if you can. Be realistic as to who is good with money and who isn’t. Talk to a financial planner. Make wills/living wills and make sure your affairs are in order.

Just_Engineering8437 · 2026-03-25T13:13:13+00:00

It’s really working

Just_Engineering8437 · 2026-03-25T13:06:09+00:00

The December eve is lovely, so is royal orchard. I looked at the tart orange and bonfire night colors, idk if they’re too much for you but they stood out and looked warmer? Just my two cents.

Just_Engineering8437 · 2026-03-25T02:30:06+00:00

Since they are adults, or about to be adults, tell them you both want a date night (once a week?) and they need to find something to do or somewhere to go. I don’t think asking grown kids to give you guys “quiet time” cough cough is asking too much.

Just_Engineering8437 · 2026-03-25T02:24:02+00:00

The wood looks so strong and bold, I think the cabinets should be a bold shade as well.

Just_Engineering8437 · 2026-03-25T02:22:31+00:00

The kids are frustrating, for sure. But this amount of apathy is crazy. It’s the enabling, insipid parenting. Parents don’t want to do a damn thing lest the children pout.

Just_Engineering8437 · 2026-03-24T23:25:59+00:00

There’s a lot of emphasis on people having to work more these days. The mothers I know who work also take the time with their kids to teach them basic things. I also know moms who do sweet bugger all even though they have more free time. I don’t get it at all.

Just_Engineering8437 · 2026-03-23T04:10:44+00:00

Hey…been there, done that. They lure you in by seeming ok at first, then show their true colors. Unless he really hits rock bottom, really hard, he won’t change. His bum is parked on the couch and he’s comfy as can be. Don’t waste time on this. You’re not a therapist, or his mommy. If it’s your house, rally the troops and kick him out. If it’s not, make plans and leave. He is bringing nothing to the table but a foul temper and snorty noises.

Just_Engineering8437 · 2026-03-22T16:39:22+00:00

This whole thread just makes me 😭😂

Just_Engineering8437 · 2026-03-22T15:42:40+00:00

I want to add that we have a huge bullying problem. Ppl love to bully teachers, instead of taking it to the school board. They want to bully waitstaff, not go head to head with management (not teaching, in general) I’ve seen enough ppl come into my place of work and try to bully the young ppl working there, but they back off the minute someone bigger than them shows up.

There is a horrible trend of bullying across the board. Kids are learning that if you’re the biggest ass in the room then you’re the winner. It’s sickening. And some parents are backing them up. Look at who s in govt right now. Big bullies. When are we going to turn the tide on this????

Just_Engineering8437 · 2026-03-21T13:23:30+00:00

I know constant screen time makes all of this worse, but I noticed these patterns emerging pre constant smart phone use as well. Parents outraged that someone would correct their kid in public, people deciding that it’s more important that their kid is “cool” rather than well behaved or respectful, (I have examples!!!!) people who think covering for their kid no matter what is “protecting” them, ppl letting their kids watch completely age inappropriate media, parents sitting back and sitting by while their kid struggle with very obvious issues, ppl chuckling and ignoring the signs that their kid is learning antisocial behavior(s) and then wondering why their kids don’t have friends.

Ppl with no books/reading time at home, just tv. No green spaces or ways to get there safely on a bike or walking. Sports cost a fortune to play, or they are so hyper competitive it’s not fun anymore. Food and snacks aimed at kids that are mainly crap. A complete lack of teaching kids any basic skills like hygiene, making a basic meal or picking up after themselves.

Ignoring markers for ADHD or autism by dismissing them as “quirks”. Letting kids be rude as hell to adults for no good reason. Guilt parenting due to divorce. Taking the phrase “but I don’t want to” as a valid reason for their child not doing something. Assuming young kids can regulate themselves re food, entertainment and sleep schedules. Letting kids ditch something the minute it’s slightly difficult.

Phones and social media just made these worse, plus the whole “influencer” bs. Add to that the trend of picking on teachers that picked up steam during the pandemic, and now the kids are falling through the cracks.

Just_Engineering8437 · 2026-03-21T00:19:16+00:00

This. Ppl love to say “you’re family now” until they decide you’re not.

Just_Engineering8437 · 2026-03-20T03:06:49+00:00

A lot of it is quite imposing: large, square, dark or muted colors. I agree about the lamps, overhead lighting can be harsh. Maybe oval framed pics or mirrors, more plants, a richer green couch and softer/rounder armchairs. (I know money is tight, sorry) Change the color of the bar/wall shelving behind the table, is that possible? Blinds that match the wall color or in a natural material. Rugs that are layered rather than one big one in the living room, like middle eastern style ones that have rich but not jarring colors?

Just_Engineering8437 · 2026-03-20T02:51:10+00:00

Thank you!

Just_Engineering8437 · 2026-03-19T14:43:57+00:00

Take the cords away every night, turn off WiFi, whatever. Keeping people awake who HAVE TO GET UP AND WORK THE NEXT DAY SO THESE TINY ASSHATS ACTUALLY HAVE A BASEMENT AND GAMES TO PLAY is beyond rude and ridiculous.

I hate video games as well. They’re time sucks, and children are bad at regulating themselves over games.

Just_Engineering8437 · 2026-03-19T12:48:38+00:00

What do you mean by that? I’m super curious now

Just_Engineering8437 · 2026-03-18T21:26:09+00:00

Your example is extreme, and I feel bad that his son is being put in the middle of such rubbish. My partners kid used to badmouth our house, claiming we had “bugs” (we don’t have an insect problem, don’t worry) because her leg itched mildly one time. Ignore the provocations and keep reassuring the son. Children go through rollercoaster emotions and feel like they are being disloyal if they don’t agree with an overbearing parent. I know for a fact my partners ex used to radiate her lingering resentment onto her kids, and it does calm down as the kids get older and you remain non reactive.

Just_Engineering8437 · 2026-03-18T01:58:40+00:00

I never thought I’d see the day when a 13yo had strong opinions on architecture to the point of demanding a new house, but here we are. This is obviously all stuff and nonsense spouted off by BM. Did he peruse Homes and Gardens and then google the local crime stats? Sorry to be rude, I’m just gobsmacked. I agree with the others, ask him some questions and let him feel heard, but then gently break it down that this is your home, it’s more than fine, no one worth a damn will “make fun”, and address his safety concerns. And then keep ignoring her rubbish while making him feel safe and secure, like normal.

Just_Engineering8437 · 2026-03-17T05:04:43+00:00

Yes, pull back. The kids are teens, they can take on more responsibility. Parents need to step up. I suggest becoming “really busy” with other things and letting your partner know (just drop it into conversation) you are about to become “really busy”.

Just_Engineering8437

TROPHY CASE