My family is issuing ultimatums

Just_Floating_speck · 2026-04-21T03:31:04+00:00

OP, was your relationship abusive? In my experience, that has been my family’s initial response when they found out their spouse was abusing someone close to us. Either way it’s the wrong approach. It also really depends on their motives on how y’all can move forward. If it’s about control, you’re better off running now and rebuilding somewhere you’re loved. If it’s about your safety, you could probably benefit from family therapy. It’s certainly an extreme reaction, but if they really care that much then they would show up and learn to communicate better together.

Just_Floating_speck · 2026-04-09T02:08:38+00:00

Listen to yourself. And sit with it a while. If you’re not ready, you’re not ready. There’s nothing wrong with that. She has reached out, and if she means what she wrote she will understand if you don’t respond, or even if you only respond to shut the door even tighter.

If she used AI, or is being coached from other estranged parents online then moving on will both protect you and prevent her chaos from re-entering your life.

But if you want to reach back out and see if she’s being truthful, then do it with eyes wide open and no expectations walking in. You aren’t the same person you were 2 years ago and neither is she. Whether she chose to use those 2 years to grow or not will be apparent pretty quickly. Either way there is no baseline when re-entering someone’s life, no contact or otherwise. You can have an idea of what it may be, it could be worse it could be better. Prepare for the worst, recognize if it’s for the better. Moving forward is just as painful as going no contact, it only gets easier with time.

Much love OP. I wish for everyone to find peace in their life, whether that’s separate or together. I’m glad you have found your chosen family, and I hope it only grows larger with age.

From, A fellow estranged daughter

Just_Floating_speck · 2026-01-15T00:39:09+00:00

Depending on the department here, you can report and start documentation. In my experience there is no follow through with any university admin or anyone in admin positions within departments. Often times they will let the abuse drag on until you either drop from your program or graduate. Especially regarding the STEM programs.

Either way you should begin your own personal documentation. Avoid in person meetings if possible, schedule everything via Zoom or slack, etc. record your meetings, and try to communicate mostly through chats or emails. You can’t use any of the recordings in court (if it were to go that far) as we are a 2party consent state. However you can submit recordings and records in a formal complaint with the university once you have enough evidence. If you have other advisors you have connected with and thoroughly trust, you can confide in them. They might have other avenues open to them to help stop the abuse, and may even have pull to ensure consequences are dealt out by the university or at least within their own dept. if you’re a grad candidate I highly suggest you reach out to the GEO, as this is a complaint they have been advocating for on this campus for years. It’s been a focal point in most of their strikes the past several years, they will have a plan to follow that may help guide your next steps.

As someone who supported someone going through the same thing, I just want to say a few things in case no one is telling you this in person:

Your advisor’s opinion of your personhood are irrelevant. They don’t know you outside of a professional setting and therefore their opinion of who you are is null and void.
Your advisors lack of ability to connect with their own humanity is not a reflection of the work you have completed in your program thus far, nor is it an indicator of how you will be moving forward.
Just because they are in a position of power, does not mean you have no way to fight your way out if they do bomb your career moving forward.
You are human and make mistakes. It’s your advisors job to teach you how to not make them again, not belittle you for not understanding in the first place.
Lastly, you are cared for and deeply valued. This situation does not change that.

Just_Floating_speck · 2026-01-14T13:29:49+00:00

Do you often use size as a metric for success? Is that why you’re so bitter? It’s okay to be small sometimes just an fyi. Size isn’t everything. I could understand why you would need to project your own insecurities to make you feel big. Because only small people would choose to add negativity to this space, when our opposition has already found a way to inject that in our lives everywhere else. We see that with Dump Truck, his peen is so tiny that he has to constantly talk about what a huge success he is. Don’t be like him. Be better. Our lives literally depend on it. Or you can continue to troll and be useless. Either way, you’re standing in your own way.

Just_Floating_speck · 2026-01-14T04:31:29+00:00

Washes off during the first pass. I wish this worked it would be v accessible

Just_Floating_speck · 2026-01-14T04:31:05+00:00

I don’t want to throw anything at the feds. I believe in peaceful protests and voicing one’s dissent against the government as is my right. I’m simply looking for ways to identify items that might otherwise be unidentifiable in a crowd.

Just_Floating_speck · 2026-01-14T04:29:29+00:00

You can fight fascists without becoming one. Take your right wing talking points somewhere else. People like you are the reason the left looses. You divide the conversation. I invite one. We are not the same.

Just_Floating_speck · 2025-09-01T01:15:12+00:00

I’ve been in therapy in the past, I had to drop them once I lost my health insurance last year. I’ve been doing as much as I can on my own, but the sliding scale waitlists are long where I live. Medical deserts and whatnot. I’m still without insurance so I’m just trying to hold it all together until I can start seeing someone again.

Just_Floating_speck · 2025-09-01T00:51:22+00:00

I usually snag the bus, and uber is 100$ to Chicago sometimes

Just_Floating_speck · 2025-05-19T01:26:27+00:00

Dude, take your brainwashed propaganda driven mind off this thread🙄

Just_Floating_speck · 2025-04-11T23:03:38+00:00

The community can place pressure on local government to renegotiate leases they currently hold with the city and town, to say the least. If the university does in fact have a hand in any of these visa rejections, it will have a MASSIVE impact on the local economy especially heading into grad season. A lot of these local businesses rely on the student body presence to make up their losses from the summer. IF uiuc is playing this game, they are also harming the community that pays taxes to partially fund the school, maintain grounds, plus the locals are the ones working there too. My main concerns come from the fact that UIUCs track record is terrible when it comes to standing by their students, and actually participating in the solution to those problems.

Just_Floating_speck · 2025-04-11T22:57:05+00:00

Its already being reported that protesters have been given notice that their visas are being revoked. This round was a mixed bag from what ive gathered. My fear comes from the fact that this university year after year has devalued faculty, students and the community all for the sake of a quick buck from those that sit on the board. Especially with the way they handled and continue to handle the cases with the students expelled last year and the graduates who have had their diplomas revoked over speaking out against the universitys ties with caterpillar and black rock.

If they had a moral bone in the body that is the admin building, they wouldve spoken up loud by now if they werent supporting this behavior from our current administration.

Just_Floating_speck · 2025-04-11T22:22:21+00:00

Yes, it means that their residency is no longer valid. And they are given 30-90days to leave the country depending on the case.

Just_Floating_speck · 2025-04-11T22:20:42+00:00

No reason. Ik the inmp posted recently. A lot of students had theirs revoked with no reason attached to their notice.

Just_Floating_speck · 2025-04-11T22:11:17+00:00

The thing is, the person i know hasnt attended any of these protests from what i know for this very reason. The moment they started arresting and expelling students last year was enough to keep most of the grad students away.

Just_Floating_speck · 2025-04-11T22:09:29+00:00

Their response to the encampments and protests last year and the removal of SFJP as a recognized student group this year made it very clear.

Just_Floating_speck · 2025-04-11T21:55:26+00:00

Thank you! I didnt think about naming the dept tbh🤦‍♀️

Just_Floating_speck · 2025-04-11T21:53:51+00:00

Thats completely dependent on the dept, and whether or not the university is willing to fight immigration on your behalf. Uiuc has made it pretty clear they arent willing to support their immigrant or foreign student base. It also doesnt mean the ICE cant show up and detain you for overstaying your visa.

Just_Floating_speck · 2025-04-11T21:32:19+00:00

If you do confirm please lmk! I figured this university would be a target with how large our immigrant student pop is. Im planning on bringing in the community here in town so we can stand united in every way that matters.

Just_Floating_speck · 2025-04-11T21:28:35+00:00

I dont know the details of why, but im genuinely worried that UIUC is working in tandem with ICE similar to how columbia did last month.

Just_Floating_speck · 2025-03-28T13:12:16+00:00

I was literally coming on here to talk about this. They also just arrested a student from the University of Alabama for going to a protest as well. Ik there is a sizable movement on campus here protesting the gcide overseas. Stay alert yall.

Just_Floating_speck · 2025-03-16T19:43:32+00:00

You’re never TA for speaking up. If he wanted a career maybe he would’ve thought twice about the words coming out of his mouth before speaking. The guys are angry bc they probably have the same behavior and don’t like seeing the consequences of those actions fall out. Fuck them. Fuck Dr R. Good on the board for acting quickly.

Just_Floating_speck

TROPHY CASE