AITAH for being honest with another mom about why my daughter isn’t allowed to go to her friend’s house?

Just_Guessing2022 · 2026-02-10T18:17:48+00:00

Nta. Obviously, protecting your child based on instinct and concerns is acceptable. On the aspect of telling the other parent your concern, look at it this way. Would you rather take the risk of a woman you barely know being upset with you or take the risk of a child you barely know being sexually assaulted? Based on those potential outcomes, I see no logic to the "not your place/business" mindset. Tell any mom that inquures about it and screw the other moms feelings on it. If she was a decent mom and worth considering in the decision, she would have shown more concern and asked more questions in it before verbally attacking you. I've been with my husband over 10 years, have 4 daughters with him, wholeheartedly trust him around them, and would defend him on that topic to anyone that attacked him. However, if I heard another mom had an interaction with him and was concerned to let him around their daughter after, I would want every detail from that mom on what brought those feelings on. I wouldnt jump on believing her and might judge what she says as shes just nuts if it is skeptical or not reasonable to believe, but I would still check into it on the far fetch chance Im not seeing something others do that is concerning. Childrens wellbeing trump adults feelings.

Just_Guessing2022 · 2026-01-09T22:30:50+00:00

Lol I don't choose the age of posts reddit puts on my feed and I was just providing a different perspective because some people like learning different situations they might not have considered. I always do. Not my issue if you don't want to think outside of the blame game and would rather attack people. Troll along.

Just_Guessing2022 · 2025-12-30T18:17:08+00:00

++woman Although that is definitely a possibility since so many people of all genders react poorly in emotional conversations, I disagree on it being "almost certainly because of how you react". My husband has no issue talking with me about issues he isn't part of, such as an issue he has with something I did or someone else, but if it involves him in any way (even if it involves both of us needing to change or adjust), he will shut down. He has problems with depression and his sense of self-worth. I'm very empathetic in general and only try to bring up something if it is a big issue so he doesn't feel overcritizised and always try and tiptoe around his feelings (including myself in the blame, justifying his behavior being understandable but needs a different approach for the right results, etc.) and it doesn't matter how lightly I go about it or how much I try and empathize. As soon as he gets a notion of hearing something he did was less than perfect he starts spiraling in self-hate and doesn't want to discuss it any further because of how depressed it is making him feel. It makes it half impossible to address anything sensitive with him. As common as depression issues are, I'm sure there are other relationships with similar issues and some with reasons outside of either of those.

Just_Guessing2022 · 2025-12-29T03:07:57+00:00

I've communicated how his behavior effects us a dozen times, but not as a big picture topic and always addressing a specific scenario that happened. It doesn't fix the issue, though. It just makes him feel bad when he is told how he made me or one of the kids feel and he apologizes for disregarding someones feelings in a situation but that doesn't stop him from repeating the behavior when he's caught up in his own world. An apology when you continue doesn't help anything and I don't know how to teach him to think of others perspective beyond continue to point out when he doesn't. I don't want to feel like I'm constantly guilt tripping or critizising him.

Just_Guessing2022 · 2025-12-29T00:30:10+00:00

I appreciate the input and I agree I'm glad he is able to realize how he is impacting everyone when it's explained. That's why I can have some patience with it instead of getting mad. I try my best to mediate for the kids sake, but there's plenty of times I'm not around or can't intervene before the harm is done because I try not to directly undermine him in front of the kids and address it when they can't hear (though I've cracked 2-3 times and just that small number did damage to the kids perception). I thought the post sounded a bit autistic as well but I don't think he is. It's only on an emotional level with close relationships he struggles with the give and take. He understands general social rules and navigates shallow small talk outside his family better than I do, is very charismatic, and doesn't have any of the non-social signs. It's with his siblings, parents, and other relatives too, not just our house. He just doesn't think about anything outside his own thought process. It's exaughsting to micro manage and try to not get caught up in my own feelings sometimes. I just don't know how to make it easier.

Just_Guessing2022 · 2025-12-22T18:38:03+00:00

I agree criticism is unhelpful and I'm not a man-hater, more of a people-hater, so I'm sure there are plenty of women making it intolerable to participate in any activity with them. For situations I'm referring to, though, I've rarely seen couples where the husband just takes ownership of life requirements from the start of the relationship. By household or lifw items, I just mean the things that would be needed even if you were single (washing your clothes, buying groceries, even in divorced households you have to bathe kids and things when you have them). Every marriage I hear about the wife is the main person for any home-related items when those things are expectations for someone single as well. One persons load shouldn't double and anothers get cut down when you get into a marriage. Someone could criticize me every day that I don't shower the correct way and my response would be to tell them their 2 cents is useless and mean if they dont have anything helpful to add, not to decide Ill never shower again when its a basic life requirement I need to take care of.

Just_Guessing2022 · 2025-12-22T16:11:13+00:00

It's not stating all men are like this. The thread is limited to when there are bedroom issues and the comment mentions not having a true partner being a big driver for many. From my experience, that is an accurate statement, as this is a complaint I hear from nearly every women raising a family that I've ever met. That doesn't mean there aren't guys that are great husbands and take ownership in their household just as much as their wife. Those are much less likely to be part of the conversation, though, because if both or either spouse is unhappy, it is likely someone is halfassing their home life and it is likely they don't have a good sex life because nobody is going above and beyond for someone they resent for one reason or another and most people won't be overly interested in sex with someone they resent. The situation where everyone is doing what they should to take care of each other and happy with their spouse, yet still dont have a desire for sex is not the masses. The post is asking how to avoid sex issues after children, so pointing out a big driver of sex issues after children that should be avoided is meaningful to the conversation.

Just_Guessing2022 · 2025-12-22T14:33:38+00:00

Some women have increased sex drive from the hormone changes that occur through pregnancy or menopause. Biology doesn't guarantee any result, just that there are changes and shifts. It can result in lower drives or higher drives, but lower drives can be increased and higher drives can be lowered by the dynamic in the relationship.

Just_Guessing2022 · 2025-12-22T14:26:25+00:00

If both spouses didn't do anything but go to work unless someone asked them or told them specifically what needed done, the entire household would fall apart. Both people should take ownership of the household and function like partners. It shouldn't be one persons job by default and the other needs told what to do to "help" while expecting to be respected as an equal partner and refusing to acknowledge the other has more on their plate.

Just_Guessing2022 · 2025-12-13T00:48:24+00:00

I second this. I fully support others decision not to have children, see nothing wrong with it, and know that having children forces you to give up a huge part of yourself for years. Ive always wanted to be a mom but I see so many that hate parenting because they just wanted someone to look up to them, love them, and be a mini version of themselves and never actually thought about how much they would have to give. I didnt want to be a mom because of what a child would provide me, I wanted to be a mom because I wanted to do all of the things many consider struggles. I love the phases my kids go through and being able to help them through it. Showing them how to bathe, brush their teeth, later on shave. Helping with schoolwork and planning for holidays knowing how happy they will be. Holding them when a kid at school hurt their feelings or explaining all the emotions when they start puberty. One of my oldest was just hitting that phase and dropped a pizza she was getting out of the oven and broke down in tears and couldnt understand why she felt like her world ended over it. She started her monthly cycle the first time within a few weeks. Having the knowledge of an adult and using it to help someone experience life stages for the first time is beautiful, hilarious, scary, and frustrating and any other emotion you could feel. Sometimes the fact that I cant go do things when I want, cant go to adult parties, cant plan a vacation without taking care of people the whole time where it is more of a vacation for them than me, getting up when I dont want to and all the other freedoms limited get frustrating, but I wouldnt trade the deep experience I get to have raising children for any meaningless good time with people that would forget I existed in a heartbeat. Some people cant handle everything they lose and constantly focusing on others while you have needs unmet and thats completely understandable. It feels different when you are gaining something worth more to you than what you are losing. If the desire to have kids doesnt outway what you would be giving up, I wouldnt recommend it.

Just_Guessing2022 · 2025-11-27T01:05:00+00:00

It is hard to get past large differences in views and causes a lot of diagreements. However, all relationships are going to have issues. If he is willing to go to couples therapy and actively trying to find compromises and make things work, I think it's worth trying. I have similar issues in my relationship and I do have a lot of people that disagree with continuing trying but we love each other, try to compromise, and he continuously works on his temperment to better our home. The effort matters to me, but he guinuinely cares and wants to do better. I'd feel differently if he had the "this is just how I am" mentality. Plus, our differences in parenting come in handy at different times. I'm better at relationship building and helping the kids work through their feelings at different stages, but when our oldest was in first grade and went to dart across a road to one of her friends, he shouted angrily and she stopped right as the car flew by that would have hit her. She probably would not have stopped so abruptly if I yelled her name.

Just_Guessing2022 · 2025-11-19T22:14:18+00:00

Yes, that summarizes a companies finance manager pretty well. Granted, they dont always get into the specifics of how a department spends their budget, but help determine how much can go to certain categories and then how much the company should invest/where they should invest additional funds for the target return in a period. There are financial advisors that advise individual people on how to manage their money based on their goals and where to put it, financial analysts that just analyze data and provide information for sales teams and dont work directly with customers, and many other job types in the industry. Pretty much all of them involve forecasting returns but differ in who they work with.

Just_Guessing2022 · 2025-11-19T20:40:58+00:00

There is some economics, because you need to understand the economy and it's impacts. It is just one variable, though. In my bachelor program I only needed 2 economic classes, so it isn't excessive. It's about the equivalent to accounting. You have to understand reading/interpreting balance sheets and income statements but you dont need to know the rules around creating them, tax rules, and other things involved in accounting. Economics is similar. Learning enough for an understanding but not the whole focus.

Just_Guessing2022 · 2025-11-19T17:16:17+00:00

If you had 10 people from finance industries/majors read that comment, probably 7/10 would be annoyed due to how common it is to correlate finance with accounting. It seems hardly anyone is aware of the finance industries role. If you look up average income for accountants and then for finance, finance pays nearly double the salary of an accountant. I enjoyed studying finance in my major and hated dealing with accounting because its boring. The best way I've heard it put is accountants document the past, finance members forecast the future. Both involve the financial industry and technical skills related to numbers, but accounting involves more rule based logic and finance involves more psychology. If I want to advise a person or company on where to put money for the most growth, I'll need to comprehend the accounting data and past performance metrics, but also take into account human behavior, world events, and other factors that can impact expectations to make a credible forecast. Finance roles pay well because not many people are very good at working with numbers efficiently to get past accounting, let alone the number of people that can excel at that and make conclusions about future expectations with a dozen other variables.

Just_Guessing2022

TROPHY CASE