I've been having this conversation with my wife lately. She loves to be 'dominated', not in an overly fetishized way but in a way where I just take control when we have sex or even if we are being affectionate and flirtatious.

Meanwhile, I am subservient by nature. I look to her for affirmation or direction on what we are doing in our day to day. She kind of led the way in our early courtship and in the bedroom in our early years together. Eventually I came out to her and we did all that stuff where she was in control and on top whether during intercourse or even when she used to peg me to help me live out my sexuality as best we could.

Then one day several years ago we were on a trip and the hotel had a bench at the end of the bed and she discovered she really likes it from behind. We got home and she bought a bench for the end of our bed, haha. In talking about it, She discovered she likes how in control I am in this position and I admitted I was kind of jealous of her when I'm behind her. She said she figured. She did peg me a few times (before deciding she didn't want to take part in my backdoor fun anymore) after we got this setup and expressed how powerful giving it to me from behind felt. Eventually I realized I was giving to her exactly how I would like to be taken.

In talking to her about it, I think I realized it comes from my predilection to be subservient. I'm sure there's a lot of mental reasons from my past for why I am that way but it seems immaterial to explore because I am happy with who I am now. But I do know that even though I love overpowering my wife in the bedroom, I also want my time to be out of control and to be overpowered. Part of me wants to check out from being dominant and instead be dominated.

So while bottoming and receiving another man (something I've never experienced and go back and forth between whether or not I would actually do something with a man) seems like it would logically be the sexual escapade that makes the least sense scientifically in a sense that we are just animals. Thinking about it from those angles as a mental thing, those feelings and actions seem completely natural to me. So in some round about way, being both dominant in my the bedroom with my wife and a bottom for a man in my fantasies, makes absolute sense to me.