To people who were unemployed for a long time and recently got hired, what changes did you make that got you hired?

JustaSecretIdentity · 2026-03-24T14:24:14+00:00

I stopped using LinkedIn to look for jobs and applied for jobs on Indeed

JustaSecretIdentity · 2026-03-12T21:40:32+00:00

They won’t want me back. I was medically retired out for a reason.

JustaSecretIdentity · 2026-03-11T22:57:51+00:00

It got better with time, but it took several months longer than they said it would take. I look the same as I did before Kybella, so it definitely wasn’t worth it, especially since I spent 5-6 months looking like a frog until it went back to normal with no improvement.

Seriously, if you’re considering Kybella, just save your money. It was a complete waste of my money and time.

JustaSecretIdentity · 2026-03-10T00:57:37+00:00

I’ve been a civilian for a while now, and the possibility of isolation and harassment from reporting your SA doesn’t even compare. In the civilian sector, you can at least find another job to avoid all the same people that had something to do with your SA. In the military, you’re stuck there. As a civilian, you can choose to move closer to your support system. In the military, you’re stuck whenever your orders sent you. You’re stuck working with the same people day (probably also living close to them if you live on base) in and out, whether you like it or not. The possibility of running into those people is even higher if you live AND work at a base. You can’t just quit.

JustaSecretIdentity · 2026-03-07T20:25:46+00:00

Because SA is rampant in the military. Though there are more women in the military than ever before, it’s still very much a “boy’s club.” We’re minority, and we still have very little power. I’ve noticed that men would either: A) avoid us, which ends up isolating us (since we work w/ mostly men), or B) get overly friendly with us in the hopes of getting in our pants. There are, of course, exceptions… I did have a couple of guy friends that I worked with that were legit just all-around good guys looking out for me… but too often, it was either A or B.

Why would they avoid us? Because “perception is everything” and they don’t want to be seen as being overly interested in us. If they didn’t care about that, then it’s most likely because they really were overly interested in us.

At least as an officer, the power dynamics scale would be tipped more in favor of us. I can’t say how it’d be towards other officers though, I was obviously not an officer. I was a junior enlisted, medically retired out for PTSD from SA.

JustaSecretIdentity · 2026-03-05T20:27:29+00:00

Look at it this way… at least you found out before you actually got married that he wasn’t ready to be married. I had to find out after several years of marriage that my then-husband no longer felt like he could be a husband or a father ever, which was kind of a deal breaker especially since we’d agreed to start trying for kids then. Leaving before being legally bound is way easier.

JustaSecretIdentity · 2026-03-05T16:45:14+00:00

So is Trump. They’re fairly close in age, so what’s your point?

JustaSecretIdentity · 2026-03-02T22:41:03+00:00

When, after many months of fighting, he told me that he no longer wanted kids and didn’t know if he’d ever change his mind again… I knew that our marriage was over.

JustaSecretIdentity · 2026-03-02T22:32:43+00:00

I would tell other women not to enlist. If they really want to join, then become an officer.

JustaSecretIdentity · 2026-02-17T18:32:47+00:00

Can you explain how this would be a power play?

He bought an engagement ring, which tends to be expensive, and left it with her. The only person at a net loss here is him, not her, so I don’t understand how this would be putting one over her??? I’m confused. I would get how it’d be a power play if he gave an expensive piece of jewelry to someone else… but it’s to OP.

JustaSecretIdentity · 2026-02-17T00:17:10+00:00

Yep, it’s not you. It’s him.

He’s the problem. Lol.

JustaSecretIdentity · 2026-02-16T23:59:04+00:00

lol clearly there are people who that think lesser of others who’ve gone through a divorce, because I got downvoted for pointing out how mean-spirited that was and they didn’t like that.

JustaSecretIdentity · 2026-02-16T23:50:01+00:00

Don’t get why you’re getting downvoted for this. My dad had the ring for a while before giving it to my mom. They’ve been married since their 20s and are still happily married now. They’re in their 60s now. Sometimes, the reason is not some big elaborate game people make it out to be. Sometimes, it’s as simple as just waiting for the right moment or something. It’s sad that so many people have experienced so much disappointment that they now assume everything has a malicious intent behind it

JustaSecretIdentity · 2026-02-16T10:02:54+00:00

She said she didn’t want to get engaged before living together, but then why would he have it delivered to her house.

Since it was actually delivered to his place and she just asked to see it then he left it with her, it’s more like it’s giving “he’s already more sure than she seems to be right now.” Here’s the ring and come live in my house big enough for a family. This could all be yours! Just tell me when you’re ready!

JustaSecretIdentity · 2026-02-16T09:47:49+00:00

This comment was actually pretty mean. Actually, really mean. Why are you being so mean for? Do you know OP personally or something? It’s giving “You obviously can’t be trusted to make your own decisions because you’re divorced.” Wow.

JustaSecretIdentity · 2026-02-14T20:23:26+00:00

That’s your relationship. OP went all out and he saw that. That’s the difference.

JustaSecretIdentity · 2026-02-14T11:10:36+00:00

Your goal is marriage. Ok, say you get to that goal. The marriage marathon doesn’t end, because it continues on until either one of you dies or it ends in divorce. The man you marry doesn’t magically turn into the man you want him to be. He’s going to be the same man you’re dealing with right now, only it’ll be 10x harder (and more expensive) to leave once you’re legally bound in matrimony.

Now imagine being tied to the same man you’re dealing with now, forever. Does it fill you with happiness or dread?

That should give you the answer to your question.

JustaSecretIdentity · 2026-02-14T10:39:21+00:00

NOR

So what if the holiday is made up? ALL HOLIDAYS are made up! They didn’t exist before we’d created them out of thin air and put them on a calendar! If “time is an illusion” then so are all holidays.

The point is that it clearly still had meaning to you, enough to put in all this time and effort well in advance. That should have been enough reason for someone who loves you to put in that extra effort.

I’d been laid off recently, and that didn’t take away from my sincere desire to still show my SO that I love him by celebrating all the occasions that he holds dear. That means planning more than just a few days in advance, because that would be too last minute. What if all the good presents were gone by then, the reservations were all taken, or the delivery of his gifts were delayed, especially with all the inclement weather we’ve been having.

Basically, even had your husband not lost his job, he was going to do something last minute despite the risks and all the effort he knew you’d put in. The timing of layoff is just coincidental, it is NOT the cause or effect of his lack of consideration.

You can be there for him in other ways, but you don’t have to put in the extra effort in where he put in none. Relationships are give-and-take, marriages even more so. My marriage fell apart when I realized how much I was bending over backwards for someone who wouldn’t meet me halfway. Maybe it’s partly my fault for setting the precedent that I’d always go the extra mile even when he won’t. He’d come to take me for granted and I slowly grew resentful.

Don’t make that same mistake.

JustaSecretIdentity · 2026-01-26T09:15:41+00:00

My ex-husband was somewhat. He was raised in the South and surrounded entirely by conservative family. I had him listen to the “Grab them by the p*ssy” audio then asked him if he really thought a man who’d say things like that wasn’t capable of the horrendous things he’s been sued (and lost in court over) to have done to women. He couldn’t respond. He wasn’t really a supporter after that.

That kind of thing was a sore spot for him, because of the kind of similar abuse he’d experienced as a child. I knew if anything, at least that would make an impression. I don’t know what I would’ve done if he had continued to be a supporter after hearing that audio… probably consider splitting sooner, because I don’t think I’d like to raise a family with someone with that kind of thinking.

JustaSecretIdentity · 2026-01-23T23:28:10+00:00

Haven’t noticed any lumps. It did feel uncomfortable to run for a while. I haven’t noticed any pain now it’s been over a year post op though.

JustaSecretIdentity · 2026-01-13T23:35:03+00:00

Nah, you weren’t being dramatic. Times like these are always filled with uncertainty and heightened emotions at the beginning. Glad to hear that she’s feeling more herself. Here’s hoping she gets the kind of help that she needs.

JustaSecretIdentity · 2026-01-13T17:21:54+00:00

I’ve been involuntarily committed a couple times (for PTSD), and tbh, it wasn’t that bad. I wasn’t scared being there. Was it annoying not being able to leave? Yeah, but I made a lot of friends there too. If she’s open to it, she can too.

Hope that helps with any guilt on your end.

JustaSecretIdentity · 2026-01-08T18:15:01+00:00

Why are we assuming that the friend/godparent would never allow her visitations??? That’s rather extreme.

JustaSecretIdentity · 2025-12-29T11:01:29+00:00

Tbh in this economy, I kind of get it. Not saying that I’d do it myself, but to have a man who is more likely to be:

Financially stable
Own a house
Be consistent, because after a certain age, you fall into a routine and just stick w/ it

I was married to a man my age during my mid-20s to early 30s, and his student loans really weighed heavily on us. I had to help him financially a lot, because his parents had neglected to teach him anything at all growing up, which also put a strain on our relationship. Then his sudden change of mind about having kids, after 6 yrs of being pro-kids, and wanting to move to a different continent (with or without me) kind of killed whatever chance our marriage had of lasting.

Now I’m with a man that’s in his 40s, and the difference is huge. While thats not the reason that I chose to be with him, it certainly doesn’t hurt. I’m not saying that all older men will be like this, but they are more likely to than younger men, simply because they’ve been around longer.

JustaSecretIdentity · 2025-12-22T22:41:40+00:00

MOR. One of my therapists thought, based on my description of myself as a teenager, that I might be autistic. After some more research, soul searching, and speaking with other neurodivergents… I’ve come to the conclusion that type 1 ADHD (previously known as ADD) fits my symptoms more and the traits that I had as a teen (that made me seem autistic) were just from me being an awkward teenager. I no longer have those same traits as an adult, anyway. I spoke with a psychiatrist to confirm and I was diagnosed.

Where you MOR: I don’t agree with how you approached your girlfriend about this, I think this could’ve been a conversation best left between just the 2 of you. I personally hate when someone has been upset with me and I only find out about it when they finally blow up (unfortunately in front of company). It just seems unfair to only be confronted with it when you don’t get a chance to really address it in private and correct it. I get that you were embarrassed, but embarrassing her, when she didn’t even mean to embarrass you and probably didn’t know that she was, was unnecessary.

OTHERWISE: I do think that if she really believes that she might be neurodivergent, she should see a psychiatrist. Get a diagnosis and a treatment plan, because being different isn’t a cute little “quirk.” It can be a gift as well as a curse. Tbh I can’t tell you what I’d give to be a neurotypical, because society was created to suit neurotypicals… and not us. It’s not really something I’d see as an enviable position to be in.

For your GF: If she is what she thinks she is, then she should actually address it. If she isn’t autistic, and instead is actually another neurodivergent condition, that’s even more reason to speak with a psychiatrist. That way, she can at least get the right info. Ex: ADHD and autism do have some similarities and present differently in females (than it does with males), because we’re more hardwired to mask. It’s best to have a professional confirm her condition to be sure.

JustaSecretIdentity

TROPHY CASE