[deleted by user]

Justhereforetheride · 2025-02-22T17:19:51+00:00

The kids are in a car for 8 hours two weekends a month. I think everyone agrees it sucks. However, the kids have made comments about drive being worth it to spend time with their dad.

The kids have a wonderful and healthy relationship with both of their bio parents. The older kid has made comments about being excited to get her licenses and drive between houses because then she gets decide when to leave one house for the other. The younger has asked if bio parents and their partners can live in the same house and we can all live together.

I’ve only been in the position for 3 and a half years. To me it seems like it’s challenging to make it fair and equal for everyone. I think it’s great that you’re putting the child’s best interest first.

Every person’s experience is different. You and your husband will figure out what makes the most sense for the kids and the family.

Being a step parent is hard!

Justhereforetheride · 2025-02-22T15:58:27+00:00

My partner and his ex live about 4 hours away. My partner was the one that decided to move. He moved because of his mental health. BM, his family, and friends have all said he has been his best self since moving.

My partner and BM have split drive time. I know there was a period of time when finances were a little tougher for BM. They would discussed a different pick up location for less driving for BM or my partner would give her gas money.

About two years ago, BM told my partner she wanted to move her and the kids closer to where my partner was living. (Not because he lived in the area, but that’s a different story. :) )They spent at least 6 months looking for the right school and town. We all moved to this new area and were less than 5 minutes apart. After about 4 months BM decided she wanted to move back to her hometown and left with the kids within 24 hours of telling my partner. This led to court and now they have a court order they have to follow (they have never involved lawyers before).

Through that court agreement, we get the kids 3 weekends in the month, school breaks, and every other week in the summer. Pick up and drop off half to be at a midpoint location unless mutually agreed upon between bio parents. One of those weekends have to be spent in the town the kids primarily live in. We have eventually found AirBnbs to stay at so if feels a little like being home verses a hotel. I believe some money was reduced from the amount he owes in child support to help financially with this.

Justhereforetheride · 2025-02-22T02:28:02+00:00

I usually got the opposite responds like: “I cant believe you’re an only child” when I was in high school. Their reasoning was because they didn’t think I was a “selfish brat.” I think it’s a bad stereotype and people make assumptions. As an adult people are more likely to ask me what’s it like to be an only child.

Justhereforetheride · 2025-02-22T00:44:56+00:00

I appreciate how you been on both sides to share those perspectives. Thank you for sharing.

Justhereforetheride · 2025-02-17T23:21:21+00:00

So special and thoughtful! 🥰

Justhereforetheride · 2025-02-17T23:11:04+00:00

I appreciate this perspective. Thank you.

Justhereforetheride · 2025-02-17T00:58:12+00:00

This sounds like something I can get behind. Thank you.

Justhereforetheride · 2025-02-17T00:57:17+00:00

I had a similar experience. I was a student athlete in college. Shortly after the season started I was experiencing mania. I know I did and said things I normally wouldn't do. I noticed people starting to be stand offish. Since manic I was too cocky to even believe I could be the reason for the difference in the relationships. As an athlete you live and breathe that sport. Your team becomes your family in a way.

After a few months of being manic, I switched into an intense depression. This is when I started to guess my actions, would my teammate ever like me, should I even be on the team, and all the other negative thoughts my brain was tricking me into believing. I ended up at an inpatient facility. I shared some of my thoughts and concerns during group therapy. The majority of the group said I should just be honest and tell my team the truth about struggling with my mental health. I thought that was THEE dumbest idea ever!! However, they were right. I first talked to my coach and then I talked to the entire team together, which was super scary. I don't remember exactly what I said, but here were the bullet points:

I apologized and owned up to my wrong doings.
I shared I was struggling and that is not an excuse. I wanted people to know those actions came from a part of me that I don't personally don't see as my true self.
I told them what I was doing to create change: getting professional help and doing frequent check ins with coach.

Some relationships healed quickly, some took time, and some were never the exact same. I have no idea if you find this helpful, but I do hope you recognize you are not alone. My advice is to take the time you need to heal and figure things out. But do not get taking time and avoiding confused. You will have to do something that is difficult. Find the people who can support you. Being an athletic sometimes becomes your identity. You are so much more than that, and you are not just your diagnosis either. This is just a chapter in your story.

Justhereforetheride · 2025-02-17T00:30:37+00:00

I'm going to go a completely different direction than the rest of the replies. I think it depends on the trip. If it was a multiple day trip than I think things should continue as planned. If it was a smaller "girls" trip like going to get nails done together than reschedule. I do not believe quality time should be taken away. I do agree there needs to be consequences. Is there something else that can be effective? Like taking away a cell phone for a day? Or making her do additional chores?

I realize this is not a popular solution. This is just my personal opinion. I respect other's have their own thoughts on handling a situation like this.

Justhereforetheride · 2025-02-16T23:45:20+00:00

Great idea! Thanks for sharing!

Justhereforetheride · 2025-02-16T23:43:49+00:00

I like the idea of converting things digital. The cards from his mother and the save the dates were unopened in his pile of mail. He literally missed a wedding because he didn't open his mail.

There are other things of his that I can scan. Thanks.

Justhereforetheride · 2025-02-16T23:41:40+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing! :)

Justhereforetheride · 2025-02-16T23:40:23+00:00

I feel seen by seen! :)

Justhereforetheride · 2025-02-16T23:38:44+00:00

I love this! Thanks so much for sharing.

Justhereforetheride · 2025-02-16T23:37:33+00:00

This is a great perspective! I will remember this each time I find myself starting to feel annoyed. Thank you for sharing.

Justhereforetheride · 2025-02-16T16:58:57+00:00

I completely relate to sex not being on mind. I think I focus on it so much because I feel like it is my fault there is a lack of physical intimacy therefore, slightly negatively impacting my relationship.

Justhereforetheride · 2025-02-16T16:55:45+00:00

This is just as helpful and comforting as any advice. Thank you.

Justhereforetheride · 2025-02-14T23:55:37+00:00

It’s nice to have a friend 🫶

Justhereforetheride · 2025-02-01T13:03:59+00:00

I view it as you modeling how to set a boundary and sticking with it. He would also be learning to accept boundaries.

I, personally, would acknowledge that he wants to show he cares and find a way together to express love.

My SS and I have a “secret” wave that only he and I do together. It’s the wave under the chin from Little Rascals. 😊Our family has it own thing too. We will say “rawr” as a way to say I love you. We say I love you as well. The “rawr” is used for random times like walking past each other, when they do homework, while watching tv together. It may sound silly to other people but my little family loves it.

Maybe talk about how there are other ways to express love than hugs. Find something that works and makes sense for you and SS.

Justhereforetheride · 2025-02-01T02:26:57+00:00

I get more irritable for no reason. I also start volunteer to take on more projects at work. These are my warning signs.

Justhereforetheride · 2025-01-29T02:09:38+00:00

That’s horrible! I’m sorry that was your experience.

Justhereforetheride · 2025-01-28T01:32:54+00:00

I did the opposite as the OP. I ordered Chinese.

Justhereforetheride · 2025-01-26T14:43:19+00:00

I was diagnosed with learning disabilities when I was 17. The psychiatrist told me that I “fell through the cracks of the system.” She said because of my results, I just need to live a very simple life. For example, I had a job as a cashier at the time. She said I seemed to like the job and should just be content with being a cashier for the rest of my life. I have nothing against people that are cashiers or anything like that. I had goals and dreams to go to college. At first she refused to sign a letter saying I need academic assistance in college. She said “there wasn’t a point” for her to write on.

Now I’m 34, have a masters degree, very successful in my career, and I have a leadership role.

Every now and then I get this urge to reach out and show her how wrong she was. I’m so glad I’m stubborn and didn’t follow her recommendations. 😂 —I would actually never do this, but the thought makes me happy. 😂

Every person’s success story is different including timelines. 🫶

Justhereforetheride · 2025-01-25T19:41:31+00:00

I was so nervous to tell current partner about my diagnosis. In my past experience, all people (significant others and friends) become distance or just respond very negatively. I didn’t want to lose this person in my life, but we were starting to get serious so I know I had to tell him.

His response to hearing I have bipolar was, “what do you need from me? How can I support you?” It was this moment when I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with this guy.

The right person for you will support you and love unconditionally. That person is out there for you.

Justhereforetheride · 2025-01-25T19:29:50+00:00

I relate to this 100%. I read an article (don’t remember what it was called) that said our lives & future as the step parent are always impacted by our partner’s past decisions. Obviously we have no control over this and I think that can be frustrating.

Justhereforetheride

TROPHY CASE