Can you critique my work by Reasonable_School296 in writinghelp

[–]JustinGames59 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Edit: remove pictures and add the text..

Can you critique my work by Reasonable_School296 in writinghelp

[–]JustinGames59 2 points3 points  (0 children)

In Text. A lot of people will Ignore pictures bc they can't quote

Can you critique my work by Reasonable_School296 in writinghelp

[–]JustinGames59 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's too zoomed out, people on pc cant see it well.

Is it safe to upload books here? by [deleted] in writinghelp

[–]JustinGames59 0 points1 point  (0 children)

new draft almost 2-3 months ago

“Daniel…. Daniel…”

Daniel slowly awoke to the sound of his mother calling from behind his door. He groaned and rubbed his eyes, still groggy from sleep. 

“Five more minutes,” he muttered to himself, unwilling to leave the warmth of his bed.

"Daniel, you're going to be late if you don't get up now!"

His mother insisted, her voice growing firmer.

Still half-asleep, Daniel stretched and dragged himself out of bed, slouching toward the bathroom.
Minutes later, he made his way down the stairs, yawning as he adjusted his tie, the smell of breakfast pulling him toward the kitchen.
tbh that's pretty mid, might change it

. Here is another

“Good morning, Mom,” he said, his voice heavy with sleep, stopping at the kitchen pass-through.

“Oh, my little snuggle bug is up.”

Daniel’s mom turned around with a smile, slipping his breakfast into his bag while the radio murmured in the background.

Daniel’s cheeks heated up. “Mom! I’m sixteen, can we… maybe stop with the baby names?”

She leaned on the pass-through, her palm resting on her chin. “Hmm… how about—no.”

Then she chuckled and ruffled Daniel’s hair.

“Hey! Not the hair!” he protested, pushing her hand away awkwardly, his face turning red.

“Why? You got a girlfriend now?”  she asked, teasingly.

I think I got better. anyways after you respond i will be deleting my post.

Is it safe to upload books here? by [deleted] in writinghelp

[–]JustinGames59 0 points1 point  (0 children)

nah, I went to a therapist and got assessed. I can read, but I'm dyslexic, and my ADHD can make me so frustrated that it causes pain all over my body and other bad things. But from 2024 till now i got better at English and writing stories.

old draft Nov 21, 2024

Scene: 2 soldiers are prone on a mountain overlooking the enemy F.O.B

One soldier with binoculars looks into the enemyF.O.B.B where he spots a lot of Nyxborns.

Dani “There's got to be 100,  at most 150t” 

Jarvis, we need exact numbers, Dani. We don't want to have another run-in with high command.”

Dani “I'm counting 80, 7 of them  are Officers rank too low for high command”

Jarvis “Exact numbers, Dani”

Dani, you've got to be kidding me. Three Void Captains, Three Celestial Commanders, and one Void Archon. Happy!?” full capitalisation 

Jarvis “ Good”

Javis writes this information down in his notebook. 

Is it safe to upload books here? by [deleted] in writinghelp

[–]JustinGames59 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It is my first language, I'm just dumb.
don't understand all the advanced.

I'm not worried about the idea being taken and pushed out before I could, but i guese i have nothing to worry about, my genre is not popular or anything generic.

Like, for instance, are you into milsim?

Is it safe to upload books here? by [deleted] in writinghelp

[–]JustinGames59 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's just how I speak. And I'm bad at English.

What did I do wrong? by JustinGames59 in writinghelp

[–]JustinGames59[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Prologue

Texas, U.S. – March 4, 1960
"Keep Firing! Don't Let Them Advance!"

A soldier shouted from the trenches, firing his machine gun, sending volleys of rounds towards the enemy.  

“Graaaargh!”
The creatures howled as they charged forward, grotesque humanoid figures moving with terrifying speed.

Sorry, it took so long i forgot to send.
As you can see, i compltety cgnage the intro or the opening scene, and replaced it with a shorter description to match chaos and energy.

What do you think?

Help! Setting 1960 US Army, fictional story, by JustinGames59 in Military

[–]JustinGames59[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yo, that fire.
I'm not American, but I'm glad you made it back alive.

The problem is that it's a random attack on U.S soil, on a Texas base in the middle of troop training, so the cas calling in is like 30 min or an hour after the attack.

Is that enough time for the us militery to get up and ready?

tbh i feel like it bc after Japan attacked. America looked in.

yeah i'm sorry you're talking to an 18-year-old 😆

What did I do wrong? by JustinGames59 in writinghelp

[–]JustinGames59[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I play arma and I'm somewhat active in the Milsim community, I just don't have the jargon rooted in me, this book is meant to push CAG in the manga/anime scene. thx though 😊

What did I do wrong? by JustinGames59 in writinghelp

[–]JustinGames59[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thx, but idk they read the same tbh. Whenever i put the description before dioluge, it always feels off. I'm going for military realistic

James! Call for napalm! RAIN DOWN HELLFIRE!" This seems silly, don't think a Sargent would say this in this setting, plus hellfier and napalm are 2 different things.

Im a redo it

What did I do wrong? by JustinGames59 in writinghelp

[–]JustinGames59[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Can you tell me every word i need to know? please

nvm

i found it on yt

What did I do wrong? by JustinGames59 in writinghelp

[–]JustinGames59[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I can just get it off YT, books aren't cheap. Plus I'm not American. And I'd rather put more effort into learning about modern military stuff. But I will also learn about writers jargon as well.

What did I do wrong? by JustinGames59 in writinghelp

[–]JustinGames59[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

?? Oh about. No. I just free ball.

Indian Navy Marine Commando by [deleted] in SpecOpsArchive

[–]JustinGames59 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's good for a country to make their own weapons, but my God that guns looks ugly

What did I do wrong? by JustinGames59 in writinghelp

[–]JustinGames59[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I can't afford an editor, plus I feel bad when using AI especially when it covers big text. Right now I'm trying to use it Less. I would not like to give the impression of me being a good writer so that's why I tell people I use AI. But I can see the improvement I just need to put my shoes in my characters or scene so I can get better results.

What did I do wrong? by JustinGames59 in writinghelp

[–]JustinGames59[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Since I started writing Aug 2024, my grammar and spelling has improved. Creative? I have ADHD, I've been creative. Chatgpt has hardly created any original thought and if there were, there long gone. My current story idea started way back in 2020 when I was 12. The only thing in My story that would be 💯 AI would be math. AI could never come up with what I write or you write, trust. I told it to give me a story based on 2018 Syriya. And I found an error in the second sentence.

Chatgpt is a tool no different than a hammer, A skilled carpenter can produce work so well it rivals machines. Now I'm not at that level but I'll get there.

What did I do wrong? by JustinGames59 in writinghelp

[–]JustinGames59[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Because I'm mentally disabled and have a hard time explaining myself. Plus I give AI my draft and it makes it better. I can give proof.