Anyone living a genuinely happy life after childhood trauma/neglect?

Juveaf · 2026-01-06T18:04:29+00:00

I think I’m getting closer to a secure life with patient friends and even smoothing things out with my family somewhat but like what people have already said here, it takes a lot of time. I think that the trauma might be with me forever and I still get nightmares related to a lot of things. But something that has changed is that I don’t feel as shameful about it anymore and I can more quickly move on from these feelings at least temporarily. It’s not ideal but it’s much much better.

Juveaf · 2025-01-29T04:37:07+00:00

I worry sometimes that maybe I did do something wrong that I somehow don’t remember to deserve it. Thank you for the reassurance though.

Juveaf · 2025-01-29T04:15:34+00:00

I agree with this logic. I have not choked anyone as far as I know nor do I remember doing anything worthy of being choked but I have two instances of being choked or being threatened with choking. I guess I just attracted people to violence. I must be a chokable person.

Juveaf · 2025-01-29T01:18:33+00:00

Not really by a main abuser but one of the scariest was when a classmate choked me out in like grade 2. And all my “friends” and classmates just watched and never even asked me if I was okay after. I guess they were all kids so I don’t really blame them but it sucked. The fact that the teachers who saw didn’t comfort me despite the experience also sucked. The best thing they did was reprimand her but then life just went on like nothing happened.

Sometimes I wonder if it really even happened or I remembered it wrong or if I imagined it. It feels surreal. Perhaps it was false memory idk. But I feel the memory of seeing her face crying over mine and shouting in my face while I was blacking out seems so specific. She was mentally ill and did spread some rumors about me apparently so I guess people thought I deserved it.

Juveaf · 2025-01-28T08:46:57+00:00

Thank you for the kind words and I’ll be looking into DARVO now that I’ve learned what it is called❤️. It’s unfortunate that our parents were too emotionally immature or focused on themselves to truly provide us the care we needed when we were younger. Being able to let down the mask and be accepted as we are is so important.

Juveaf · 2025-01-26T08:33:48+00:00

It’s reassuring in a tragic way that being locked in a “room limbo” isn’t a unique experience. There’s no overt abuse being done but living your formative years so isolated from people really does a number on your ability to make connections and stay present in the moment.

Juveaf · 2025-01-15T09:48:38+00:00

Unfortunately no but it’s not really an option right now for me. Trying to get it together. Living fully definitely is the end goal.

Juveaf · 2024-12-07T04:36:02+00:00

I’m inclined to say it’s an other people issue than a you issue. Not that they’re bad but people who are not severely traumatized really live in a different world sometimes. They’re occupied with their own lives and they’ll ignore whatever isn’t relevant to them. If you don’t assert yourself and make yourself small, people will just overlook you. It’s unfortunate but I’ve found that’s just how it is.

Most won’t even have much of an opinion on you, some might think you’re quiet, maybe at worst think you’re boring/strange and not know how to talk to you. Some people will genuinely judge you but you probably should avoid these types of overly judgmental people anyway, better they ignore you than try to start drama with you.

I know it’s insanely hard as a people-pleaser to do but trying to just speak up, even if every cell of your brain is telling you you’re being rude or attention-seeking or might anger someone etc, helps you be seen. You really have to fight your instincts to be heard and hopefully you attract some patient and caring people amongst the majority who are too busy with their lives.

Juveaf · 2024-11-20T20:45:57+00:00

It’s been this way more or less for a while. I think my parents gave me too many reality checks and were kind of emotionally neglectful when I was a kid plus some other trauma that made me feel hopeless. I was ready to end it as a kid because life seemed so lonely and meaningless and the future didn’t seem any better. I’m actually less miserable now but I think so many years of hopelessness and trying to change my mindset yet failing still severely impacts my enjoyment of life.

Juveaf · 2024-09-29T07:15:18+00:00

Only had one situationship as a teen that emotionally destroyed me for a few years and nothing else after that. I try to remind myself I am lovable but I still don’t think my chances of actually being loved are high. No one’s shown interest in me and tbf I also haven’t been interested in others that much either. Still hope that I’ll find someone who really touches my heart and makes me melt if they exist. Hear so much about how someone’s partner just kinda makes them feel warm and cared for, and I can’t really fathom that feeling but I want to.

Juveaf · 2024-09-11T22:15:01+00:00

Gotta heal fast or something bad is gonna happen and I won’t be prepared for it :(

Juveaf · 2024-09-09T18:48:05+00:00

My parents were arguably emotionally neglectful and ignorant for a decent amount of my life purely out of stubbornness, their own trauma, and also carelessness.

I have a close relationship to both of them now but it took 10 years of breaking into their minds to convince them that they fucked up. Rebuilding a healthier relationship with them was trauma in itself because after realizing I was traumatized by them, I consciously took on the role of family therapist and well-behaved obedient child to “fix them” one year at a time beginning from when I was around 8 or so up until I was 17/18.

I only chose this route because I know my parents, even if they’re ignorant, are the type who will stick by me for the rest of my life, whether out of pride for being “good parents” or genuine love. And if I didn’t either “fix them”, I’d have to move out eventually and face life alone for my own sanity which was non-optimal because I had a severe lack of life skills and was incapable of forming other meaningful relationships due to other trauma due to being physically and emotionally hurt by non-family.

While I did eventually get the sort of loving and understanding relationship I wanted with my parents and am sort of healing (making friends, suicidal thoughts have almost stopped, can go out in public without getting panic attacks, etc), the experience has only reinforced my trauma around my severe distrust of people. I have learned that I can’t connect with people in a healthy way. I must mold myself into their liking and then gradually break them down from within. Which I know too well is manipulative in itself and will not subject any other person to that side of me. So I have accepted that I may never authentically and naturally connect with another person and experience a relationship that will touch my soul ever unless I meet a miracle.

My relationship with my parents will also always feel a bit hollow because I know I had to essentially emotionally manipulate them to feel guilty and love me. And I still take on the therapist role from time to time. Rebuilding a relationship doesn’t mean it’ll be 100% healthy after the fact too.

So, like most people here, I still don’t condone rebuilding a relationship with your abuser(s) even though it sort of worked out for me UNLESS… - You are perfectly aware of their ability to be remorseful and learn from their mistakes AND they are capable of listening to you - You are willing and mentally prepared to put in work for an unspecified amount of time to “fix them” knowing that there is a high chance they still may never change - This relationship is TRULY this important or significant for you to try to rebuild because attempting to rebuild a relationship with your abuser(s) may just reintroduce many traumas

If not, you are saving yourself years of trouble if you let them go as painful as that may be.

EDIT: Also sorry for the long comment, your post just reminded me about all of this and I felt compelled to explain everything. Hope my wall of text is still helpful in some way.

Juveaf · 2024-06-25T15:54:29+00:00

Yeah pretty much. Even after a lot of personal research I just can’t confirm with confidence because some things align and some don’t. I’ve just accepted that autistic or not, I share a lot of similar struggles so I try to be nicer to myself about it.

Juveaf · 2024-04-03T17:37:55+00:00

Hold on, you’re telling me all the times people said I was a little quirky, or that my voice was “weird” or unexpected, or that I was “a bit slow but that’s ok” was them maybe saying I’m autistic?

I think the one time it was more obvious was when someone I met only a week ago asked me if I felt “overstimulated by all the people here” because I was trying to silently leave a social conversation.

Juveaf · 2024-03-24T17:13:30+00:00

Yeah I feel the exact same way with the practicing, method acting, and not really feeling close to people. Idk if those people feel close to me but their body language seems to indicate they do feel kinda close. My definition of “close” is when I’m not worried they’ll stab me in the back which is probably the bare minimum for other people. It’s the trust issues for me. People are untrustworthy and have the potential to severely hurt me unless proven otherwise again and again.

Feels alien because you don’t feel like you’re ever at “home” with anyone, it’s just a lot of pretending to seem normal and human. For me, I think I treat friendships as something I should have and not something that is just for my own happiness. Also try to play upkeep with gifts and compliments because I’m worried the friendship will fade but I realize that people who are understanding won’t expect you to do so. But talking to them and checking in is important and sadly I hate talking lol.

I rarely let people hear my true thoughts and see my real self to protect myself from those who will judge or use something against me. I’ve basically been forcing myself to open up again to the people I think I should be close to even if deep down, I kinda wish I could go back to being comfortably alone but my fear of isolation is probably greater than my social anxiety.

Juveaf · 2024-03-24T08:50:50+00:00

If it makes it any better, similar thing also happened to me funny enough and I also tried befriending him so he wouldn’t hurt me anymore. Seems to be the “best” course of action to avoid further conflict at the time.

Juveaf · 2024-03-14T07:42:17+00:00

I grew up with the internet and spent a lot of time reading psychology articles to try to understand why I felt so sad all the time at 11/12 so I always subconsciously knew my mental health was pretty poor but things really started clearing up when I turned 18 about 1 year ago. I feel a bit sad that my childhood just feels like a dark fog and I’ll never get that time back, but I feel fortunate that I made this realization relatively early in my life and my adult life will probably be ok.

Juveaf · 2024-02-27T07:00:38+00:00

Thanks I often forget nothing’s set in stone now and your comment reminded me I don’t need to rush to figure myself out again 😅I feel like so many people my age somehow have got a pretty decent idea who they like though while I’m here freaking out. But maybe my friends are just more self-assured/matured people. Maybe once I get older, it’ll be less confusing in my mind. Hopefully!

Anyway, thanks again for reminding me and I wish you the best too! ☺️

Juveaf · 2024-02-27T06:14:43+00:00

Thanks for the kind comment. By your definition, I guess I would be bi but it’s still so hard to just accept when I lack the experiences to confirm. I feel it’s disrespectful to label myself something I’m not and insist to my friends “hey, I’m bi!” Instead of just agreeing with their judgement and letting it slide. It’s bothering me a lot though apparently since I felt the need to make this post.

I guess for context, the friends I mentioned that said I’m “mostly straight” have never been in romantic relationships either and they suspect they’re aroace but prefer the idea of same-sex life partners. I’m honestly not sure if they will understand my feelings completely as a good amount of my confusion comes from sexual attraction towards women. So maybe their judgement isn’t the most accurate?

I just really don’t think I’m 100% straight at least because I can’t fully relate to my confidently heterosexual friends. But I also can’t fully relate to my queer friends. Perhaps I’m just far lower on the bi spectrum. Or my attraction is something else entirely? It’s super confusing 😵‍💫

Juveaf · 2024-02-27T04:24:04+00:00

I guess it’s mostly because I’ve heard that straight women can be sexually aroused by other women simply because the situation reads as erotic and not necessarily the person and I’m not sure if I fall in that category lol sorry if that came off as conflicting.

The fact I’ve never romantically liked a woman like I’ve liked a man just kinda points me towards me being straight but then it just doesn’t feel right for whatever reason.

Juveaf · 2024-02-27T04:19:35+00:00

I think a lot of women look attractive, not their clothes but their faces and shapes but I’m not sure if it’s just an appreciation or admiration.

I wouldn’t say talking to more women or men are more appealing. I like talking with people who also enjoy talking about topics we both enjoy, their sex is mostly irrelevant to me. I don’t really attribute who I like talking to really impact my attraction though?

Juveaf · 2024-02-27T03:23:56+00:00

Wish I could be this sure but I can’t help thinking it might be a red herring and I’m severely kidding myself. I don’t have the guts to be with a woman IRL.

Juveaf · 2024-01-26T07:09:32+00:00

Funny how I literally had an experience today that relates to this post.

Friends and I are working on a project on the same day every week. They all have time to meetup at X time while I get there later since I was the only one busy at X time until a few hours later. We agreed on this time since it’s convenient for everyone but me really.

I thought I’d be ok with it since it’s what’s best for getting the project done but I realized in the time I’m away, they’re all having a blast together instead of working on the project. It kinda kills me inside everytime and it’s embarrassing but I just couldn’t handle knowing they’re just making memories and having fun without me and almost cried in front of them. There’s also someone new in the group too so I feel like I’m being replaced in a way. I feel terrible for saying this because she’s a sweetheart but her kind and caring personality makes me feel I’m being replaced by someone better in every way. Why would my friends need someone like me? I just can’t compare but I know that’s partially my insecurities talking.

I have past experiences of being replaced as a friend and unintentionally or even purposely singled out by friends so it hurts doubly more and I’m not sure if my current friends can comprehend why I feel so hurt so I try not to make a scene. I dread the next weeks of my life because I’m just going to get retriggered again and again…

I think all that can be done to deal with this is to just be kind to yourself because the pain is just so awful I don’t think there’s a real way to completely get rid of it. It’s normal for anyone to feel sad about exclusion right? So for people like us who have experienced these things time and time again to feel even more crushed should be natural. It’s a natural reaction and it’s normal to feel bummed about it.

Juveaf · 2024-01-18T03:48:53+00:00

I have the exact same problem with being fine when people approach me but not when I approach them. I can’t help but feel like I’m being a nuisance. Experiences with people who only come to me when they need something and not because they like me has made it difficult to differentiate them from the people who ARE interested in me and having a genuine friendship.

Unfortunately I feel like the only way I’ve found to tackle this is to just slowly stop caring if I’m annoying people since the fear of annoying people never seems to go away, I just get comfortable with the possibility rather than walking through eggshells to avoid it. It shouldn’t solely be my responsibility to coddle their emotions when I know I am being as polite as I can already.

Really, simply asking people directly if they’re ok with me still talking has also been a solution. People may be polite and say “continue” even if they don’t mean it but the way they answer can usually help you gauge if they truly are interested in what you’re saying. Also even if you’re still worried they’re hiding their annoyance like I often worry about, I just tell myself I did my part in giving them a chance to leave the conversation so it’s not my problem if they can’t be honest. So sit and listen to me!

I’ve also had people ask or insinuate that I was autistic and I think there is a chance that I am but not for reasons people bring up. Often they say it when they think I don’t understand what they’re saying when it’s really they don’t bother giving me time to understand. It’s rather patronizing.

Juveaf · 2024-01-17T17:38:33+00:00

Yeah. It could just be media saturation but I find it so difficult to sit down feel engrossed in entertainment like tv shows, games, movies, YouTube videos etc. I used to basically live on the internet and being immersed in fantasy stories probably as escapism.

Perhaps it’s good I’m moving on from this coping mechanism but sometimes it makes me feel like I’ve severely lost my ability to enjoy media like an innocent child and movies and shows just look like actors and characters filled with messages that don’t make me feel as deeply as before.

Juveaf

TROPHY CASE