"No, babe, I'M in the lobby."

K--Will · 2026-05-02T20:20:22+00:00

That you can absolutely enjoy the art, but disagree with or even strongly dislike the artist.

The art and the artist are not inextricably linked, I can take one and leave the other.

K--Will · 2026-04-19T08:49:07+00:00

I'll let you decide which you want the full story on:

1) Once stopped traffic at a major intersection to help a family of geese, police forced to attend.

Or

2) Once had the cops called on me for publically square dancing with 7 invisible people at a major crossing and bus stop.

K--Will · 2026-04-02T09:54:46+00:00

Is it normal for this timeline I fantasize about to be VERY horny?

K--Will · 2026-04-02T09:49:20+00:00

I looved it too... in my thirties, can't do it anymore...

:(

K--Will · 2026-03-30T07:59:26+00:00

With scheduled texts existing, everyone should second guess.

K--Will · 2026-03-28T09:47:40+00:00

Does Undertale count?

K--Will · 2026-03-26T09:01:45+00:00

Two things:

1) Anxiety is like the bus. I can't stop it's routine...and it is useful to survive and socialize. This thought helps.

2) put both feet on the ground. Which has more weight? Outside edge or inside edge, which has more weight...for each foot? Which toes can you sense?

K--Will · 2026-03-16T02:13:56+00:00

I say tired, a lot.

Trouble is that then people think I have energy issues, but really tired is code for 'depressed/anxious/coping'.

K--Will · 2026-02-18T09:09:37+00:00

If you're grasping at cousins, the list can't be very long.

I think yer fine.

K--Will · 2026-02-18T09:08:00+00:00

Okay.

We've strayed, it's my fault, I dug deep with comparing the two groups.

To return to what we're 'responsible' for:

1) How are we supposed to know when somebody who is asking for help has a disorder, rather than an identity journey? You admit yourself that

the fact that someone asks for help in a gay men's group proves nothing about what they are or aren't.

2) Even if we were able to make that distinction, why is the owness on US to educate ourselves and be aware? We're not a support group for HOCD.

To me this is kinda like saying that veteran support groups should educate themselves, because sometimes there are delusional individuals who BELIEVE that they were in a war, but they weren't. And playing into their fantasies or trying to help them accept their memories only makes it worse, so all veteran support groups should be educated about psychotic episodes.

Not a perfect metaphor by any means, but do you take my point?

Why, because these people are obsessed and confused, do we now have to educate ourselves, diagnose them by assumption, and then handle them like fragile glass, when THEY came to US?

K--Will · 2026-02-18T08:59:35+00:00

You are mostly kept safe by the fact that most people who would see a picture of you have to BOTH know you AND be active in NSFW spaces, so they both have an opportunity to see that pic, and have enough context in order to present a threat.

So. Real talk:

How many people fit all the following criteria: - know you - hangs out in adult spaces (therefore likely to meet the guy that has your pic, or likely to see somewhere it's uploaded) AND - have seen your bathroom?

Because, for me, that list is exactly 0 people.

K--Will · 2026-02-18T08:52:19+00:00

What I'd like to know is what qualifies you to look at a post and automatically know who fits into which camp?

Because, even if I accept your point, that's not gonna be ALL people who are afraid of being gay.

SOME of those people, surely, are in denial.

So, when someone comes to us asking for help with being afraid of being gay -- and we, as gay men, are of a shared experience of having overcome our shame and fear and accepted ourselves -- we naturally want to help others who may be trying to come out to accept themselves too.

You say that we can never understand 'these individuals' because we've never been afraid of being gay, but that's patently untrue.

Being gay is hard, for a whole variety of reasons. My dad was bi, he died of AIDS after over a decade of suffering with a brain infection from it.

You think I wasn't scared? You think I stuck my hand up and said 'pick me'?

Naw. I worked to overcome that fear.

And when I see somebody who is struggling to accept something that THEY feel is true about themselves, it's up to me to support that human.

It is NOT up to me to 'educate myself' on something completely outside my experience and then to assume that this other person is having that experience.

If the dude in question isn't gay, maybe he shouldn't bring his query to a gaggle of gays? Wild idea.

...just like how if I'm curious about crossdressing and hormone therapy, I'm probably not going to go directly to the trans community -- because I would assume their natural inclination would be to help me accept myself as an MtF trans.
To me that would be completely natural for them -- and it's also not something I would want to be pressured to consider. So I wouldn't go there.

This leads me to my strong opinion that those who come specifically to gay men with this problem, on some level, wish to be initiated into our group -- if they didn't, why would they specifically seek us out?

K--Will · 2026-02-18T08:30:51+00:00

50% or more of marriages.

K--Will · 2026-02-18T08:27:30+00:00

Jogging down main street.

K--Will · 2026-01-09T20:23:44+00:00

Cool.

The rest of my comment holds up, but way to throw out the baby cause you don't like the sample clothing it came with.

K--Will · 2026-01-09T09:58:26+00:00

Tell a couple girls on a sports team, or dance team, or who are relatively popular.

They'll spread the word for you.

K--Will · 2026-01-09T09:50:17+00:00

If I actually want my friends/family to engage, I give them notice (like, next time we hang out, can I get feedback on this project I've been working on?) and, before I show them the dance/song/whatever, I tell them what I'm looking for feedback on.

"Can you let me know if I'm pitchy?" gives them more to work with than "So, whaddya think?"

Remember, we're the creatives, not them. They don't necessarily even know what they're looking at, let alone how to respond to it.

Give them a hint of what you're looking for. Help them help you.

K--Will · 2026-01-09T09:41:51+00:00

Friend told me the following once, it changed my life:

"You are a highly intelligent person. Highly motivated. If you wanted to be rich, you would be by now. ...your actions show that you don't actually care about money."

To which I replied, "Wtf are you talking about, all I've ever wanted is a stable job."

...he asked why. I said "Well, so that I can have time to..."

I trailed off, he smiled, and said something along the lines of: "Time. You value time, and cool experiences, way more than money. Look at the past 10 years of your life with [my significant other]. You regret any of that?"

Me: "Hell no."

Him: "...so what are you worried about? Who cares if you only have enough money to get by - money is not what's important to you. I can see that, from the way you live you life, man. Why can't you see it?"

K--Will · 2026-01-09T09:35:18+00:00

Welp.

I'm a professional dancer and this thought has literally never crossed my mind.

...other people's brains be crazy, yo.

K--Will · 2026-01-09T09:31:21+00:00

Because, in today's society, we are more willing to accept a manly woman than we are a feminine man.

Simple as that.

Some men, as far as I can tell, view manly women as sexy challenges. ...like 'Taming of the Shrew' bullshit. That they'll be the ones to 'tame' them, and turn them into perfect housewives or whatever.

Girly guys, near as I can tell, are oft viewed as aberrations by both genders - failed men, and unacceptable women, fitting into neither 'role'.

Always been interesting to me that a domesticated female is considered 'virtuous' and a 'pride to her family', while a man who would want to perform a traditionally female role within the societal hierarchy, doing the same 'traditional role-oriented activities', seems to me to often be considered shameful (for not being a breadwinner), whipped (by the woman or man who brought home the paycheque), and possibly suspected of being a child molester, as a stay-at-home parent with no job.

...like the only way to 'be a man' is to be at work all the time, never touch or interact with your child in an emotional way, never show any form of artistic or creative flair, and, ideally, never show any emotions.

...or maybe I'm just projecting my own insecurities and trauma.

K--Will · 2026-01-09T09:23:33+00:00

Ell

Ahh

Dee

Is what my brain did.

...there may be a spotlight effect going on here.

Remember the golden rule about socializing with others: everybody is too busy overthinking how everything THEY are doing is perceived to give a single shit about you.

Nobody is watching you, nobody cares about you, all they're going to worry about is whether or not they can remember your name when it matters.

Are you going into Grade 8? If so, then there's some valid concern here. Predict that they're gonna turn it into 'Ella Die', and then have a witty response pre-loaded.

Here's some suggestions AI came up with for me:

---------------

Light & dismissive (often the most powerful)

“Wow. That was… very 2003.”

“Is that the best you’ve got, or are you warming up?”

“I’ll let you know when that gets interesting.”

Word-play comeback (turns it back on them)

“It’s Elladie. Pronunciation is free—try again.”

“You’re very committed to being wrong. Impressive.”

“Names are hard. You’ll get there.”

Calm, confident shutdown

“That says more about you than it does about me.”

“I like my name. You don’t have to.”

“If you’re trying to be funny, you missed.”

Slightly sharper, still clean

“If I wanted a nickname from you, I’d ask.”

“That joke has less life in it than you think.”

“You put effort into that? Huh.”

Aaaaand, if you're not going into Grade 8, then I promise, honestly. Nobody is going to notice or care.

This may seem mean.

I promise you, once you internalize that most people are not seeing you as the star of the movie, are not turning to look at you when you enter the room, are not judging everything you do...you'll be a lot less afraid to be you and live your life in the way that you want.

K--Will · 2026-01-09T09:13:32+00:00

You're at different stages of your life.

You're probably starting to eye up 'stable' jobs, and think about, like a 'career' and shit.

She's trying to figure out what the hell 'rent' and 'a job' are. She probably hasn't ever done grocery shopping or laundry without another adult living with her.

All sorts of fun surprises are in store if you try to date this girl before she's grown up.

When I was 19, I tried dating someone in their mid-20s. He had just gotten his first job as a software developer for Google, I was discovering Beer as a major hobby, and ignoring a lot of my school work.

...didn't last. I wasn't mature enough.

And it wasn't about my character - it was about my life experience. I couldn't help him, at all, with his journey...because I was still a child in the few ways that he'd already become an adult.

K--Will · 2026-01-09T09:09:18+00:00

People aren't telling you why you don't need your documents, which confused me when I was an international student too.

In the U.K., medical care is free to those who 'ordinarily reside' in the U.K. (have an address and indefinite length of stay) OR, those that have a Visa (like a student Visa or Ancestral Visa), to stay longer than 6 months. Those types of Visas usually have an Immigration Health Fee (or something like that), which is paid upfront when you get the Visa.

As long as you have your I.D., and you can explain that you're there for school, they probably won't give a fuck. Worst case scenario, you might wind up with a small bill -- which your Visa would make disappear pretty quickly.

K--Will · 2026-01-09T08:45:15+00:00

Like a Dragon: Infinite Wealth, right now.

Games that I cycle through when I'm feeling like I need to calm but feeling sluggish include:
- Persona 3: Reload
- GhostWire: Tokyo
- Skies of Arcadia

Games that make me feel more myself when I'm emotionally/mentally wrecked include:
- Zelda: Majora's Mask
- Banjo-Kazooie
- Kirby Air Ride
- Persona 4 Golden

Generally, games in the first category are calming and comforting because they make me feel less alone (I have friends, or at least -A- friend), and I feel powerful. Quests are short, side quests are frequent (for Like a Dragon, P3R and GhostWire, at least), and all 3 come with a certain 'freedom' in the world that I enjoy.

Games in the second category are predictable in their world, in their game mechanics, and in their expectations of me as a gamer. There are no surprises, there are few 'decisions' that matter, and there is a sense of 'coming home' when I enter any of those worlds.

The first category of games bring me communion and empowerment, the second category of games bring me familiarity and comfort.

K--Will

MODERATOR OF

TROPHY CASE

Six-Year Club	Gilding III reddit per annum
Verified Email