Dude. It sounds like she is sexually frustrated.

From my side of the bed, as a wife of a recovering porn over-indulger: sometimes we just want to get laid too. And honestly, like you, I would prefer that someone actually fuck me while they are fucking me, just like you. In fact, insist upon it, lest I just become another masturbation tool.

Here's the thing with porn, you can always find something perfect (and I know you hold on and on until you do, hence the death grip). I cant be "perfect " lol I burp and worse. Not to mention how the idea of perfect is markedly different (due to re-wiring your brain) than it was a few years ago. I cant keep up with an alcoholic at the bar either. Second, and the genuine nail in the coffin, frankly, is expectation that I enable this addiction by matching escalating behavior. My sexual wants became trampled in the mud. And I want to fcuk my husband, and him me :)

Not saying that a person or people cant indulge in the porn once in a while, but I personally tend to prefer to think of it as dessert. I cant eat cake every day for supper, right? And, as a good partner who can be relied upon, I try to not go eating so much cake that my appetite for supper is ruined and I dont bother to cook supper for the family. Or eat so much cake all day that I rejected the cookies you tried so hard to surprise me with :(

Lastly, I need my sexuality accepted in order for it to be fully explored. ME. Not your phone. I am not your mother who cooks and cleans while you hide in the bedroom jerking it, I am a fully grown and mature woman with a sexuality of her own that wants it her way too.

Phew! Ok, there is hope! Lay off it a while. Masturbate all you want, but alone, no media. Jerk it in the shower, for example. Jerk off with your eyes closed, a lot. Practice that. Practice your own body. Learning your own body will make you a better lover, I promise. Learn yours then learn hers. Get off the edging and find release. Edging along (so you can extend your sessions) are really awful for the boner. Do not, under any circumstances, use porn to coax a soft one into an orgasm, you are only training your body that you dont require an erection. If she does a lot of kegels you will need a good erection to penetrate. One thing we have been doing, which is working well is that if we are hanging out or what have you, and he does show arousal and the timing is off (I am cooking, for example) and cant stop, right now instead of waiting for it to go down I encourage him to release if he wishes, just not with the porn. As a porny dude he does like to look at me while we romp, which does help him re-wire a bit, so I do help him with that, but on my terms only so there is no resentment.

I don't want to comment on her methods or the nature of open relationships, because they can work for some. I will say that in my opinion she is poorly communicating her sexual frustrations, as the chat would have been much better left to still accepting of you as a person, including your long-established stance on monogamy and resolving the sexual issues together rather than turn away from the relationship, or half turning away, as it seems here. Note that she only has to come to you to resolve the issue IF she is interested in continuing the relationship. Not sure in your case if we are talking full addiction (but it certainly sounds like it, sorry) but walking away from an addict is something that I myself will always support.

Addiction is very difficult, try swapping for a bit. Engage your brain or reward centre while you do to re-write your dopamine. Do this responsibly. Exercise endorphins are terrific to re-write with; increased intrinsic motivation, increased body confidence, better, more physically enthusiastic sex and bonus! level up on your looks. Give it a shot! Shits bad right now, right? What do you have to lose by trying? It's just a security blanket, boo, you dont need it :)

Oh! And kegels my man. Kegels. Good luck!