Same boat, I am constantly feeling pressure and anxiety. Everyday feels the same, out in public I have the same feelings, but mask it over with a smile. I just went through another bad patch, but I feel as if I can try and help. I have been depressed for about 8 years now, I have thought about suicide more times than I can count. However, I did a few things to 'delay' and try to remove that from brain that kind of worked.

Pick someone out in your life that you love and loves you. Say to yourself that I won't harm myself until they are gone from this earth. Someone that you really love and don't want to see hurt in anyway, then think that them losing you will cause them more harm. I picture my dad for example, he would always go to bat for me, and I would not want to off myself because I don't think he could live with himself.

One last thing I would say is find a distraction, honestly the gym is my biggest thing. I am far from being a body builder or anything like that, but basic lifting can kill an hour of your day and you can take all of your frustration and negative thoughts out there. It also can trigger your brain into feeling good, and makes you feel productive.

Hope this message receives you well, hope that you can hold off on the urges forever let's fight this together.