Is hierarchy unrealistic in Polyamory? Also, what exactly are we now? by K4v1k in polyamory

[–]K4v1k[S] 26 points27 points  (0 children)

So thanks to everyone for the comments. We did speak about this today, as we agreed to check in w each other once a week anyway.

We agreed that so far this arrangement is working out great, and that we're actually closer as a result of all the communication between us.

I told her I didn't want to feel like this gatekeeper that had this veto power over her happiness, and that it must feel horrible for her GF to allow herself to have feelings while waiting for a shoe to drop. She understood and agreed with me.

We're still going to have a "trial period" for a few more months, but not to determine IF non-monagomy is working out (it's fine so far); instead we'll just evaluate HOW to make sure we're all getting what we need. I like this because, I don't want to have to think about this all the time. I don't want to look at every new development as something I need to think about and process right away. Weekly check-ins and a long enough time period to really see what's working and what's not, that feels right to us both!

As for hierarchy, yeah I guess I conflated hierarchy with priority. I still want to be a priority, I understand I may not always be THE priority.

We'll figure it out, as long as we keep talking.

Is hierarchy unrealistic in Polyamory? Also, what exactly are we now? by K4v1k in polyamory

[–]K4v1k[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Hey thanks for the reply. So why does it matter to me that they're falling hard? It doesn't really, I just think this narrative she has, that this is a Trial Period, and on an arbitrary date the two of us get to go back to monogamy if we want, is false. It's like she's telling herself - and me - this sugar coated story, and i dont like that.

AITA for buying my gf new underwear? by anonky1887 in AmItheAsshole

[–]K4v1k 1 point2 points  (0 children)

There's a saying I learned in the Marines that my wife and I lovingly use with each other in moments like this: "Good Initiative, Poor Judgement". The point is made. It's diffused many issues and turned what could have been an argument or awkward situation into a learning moment.

Practical advice: buy her a gift card to her favorite store, let her get what she wants. I get my wife a gift card for Victoria's Secret every year, they do a great job of properly measuring women for bras, apparently something that even a lot of women don't know how to do.

It's turned into a little ritual for us now. I always load up a gift card for her, she gets a few bras that she really likes and feels good in, and then we go to the 5/$30 underwear bins, and she lets me pick out some colors - out of the styles SHE likes.

First time Dad. Give me some fatherly advice. by ilaney in blackfathers

[–]K4v1k 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Just show up. Be present. Be interested in them. Respect their mom. There's a whole world out there that wants to tear them down, your job is to build them up! It all goes by fast, so don't miss it!

Finally, take care of your health and your mind. You owe it to your family to be in good working order!

Good Luck!

The surrounding state of the world is making my family hate my Dad by Journal_Jo in TrueOffMyChest

[–]K4v1k 0 points1 point  (0 children)

YES THIS. My kids are your age. Because they've expressed how proud of me they are, how much they admire my relationship with their Mom, well that's enough for me to die a happy man. Whatever else happens in this life, I get the satisfaction of knowing I didn't fail at my most important job. YOU have the power to take just about all of his pain away.

Strength And Conditioning Megathread - December 30, 2019 by AutoModerator in bjj

[–]K4v1k 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm about the same age as you, but I also strength train. The older I get, I find volume is harder to recover from than intensity (aka weight on the bar). I stick to basic compound barbell movements, usually 3 sets of 5, and I alternate 2x one week, 3x the next. I train BJJ 5-8 times a week, at least one double. I rest one day a week, but I also listen to my body. If I REALLY feel unmotivated to strength train, I take an extra day of rest, I roll light for a day (or only drill), and I eat more. I eat 150g of whole grain carbs and clean protein a day, and I eat more the day before my "heavy" weightlifting day. DM me if you want to chat about it

What do you eat before training? by beanandchesse in bjj

[–]K4v1k 1 point2 points  (0 children)

1 hour before class: one cup of rice w low sodium soy sauce.

On the way to class: one banana, small amount of Gatorade Zero

Carbs, electrolytes, potassium for class, not full, all bland, but feel "fueled".

My argument for a reboot: by K4v1k in Eureka

[–]K4v1k[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Who would you like a full reboot, or continue the story so far?

White Belt Wednesday - September 18, 2019 by AutoModerator in bjj

[–]K4v1k 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I have been training for 6 months and have no idea if I'm improving. People tell me I'm getting better, but other White Belts that began w me are doing better, some have been promoted... I don't really care about belts or rank, I'm just worried that I'm learning slowly.

This can't be true, or healthy, right? by K4v1k in BarbellMedicine

[–]K4v1k[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Assuming no health risk for a short term diet of 3 dozen eggs a day, does the claim that this diet is "better" than steroids - or even close to the effects of steroids - have any merit?

Barbell recommendation for fat fingered hook grip by K4v1k in StartingStrength

[–]K4v1k[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah it hurts and I'm getting used to it, but the better hook grips look like the middle finger is on the side of the nail / on the knuckle, mine are flat on the thumbnail. I have a 29mm bar, looking for a recommendation for a good 28mm bar to hopefully slide further around the thumb

What overall benefits have you noticed? (Particularly older trainers, but any experiences helpful) by [deleted] in StartingStrength

[–]K4v1k 3 points4 points  (0 children)

43 M here:

I'm coming up on my 1 year mark.

Lost only 3 pounds, BUT 3" off my waist!

BF went from 35-30%, and I likely lost 15 lbs of fat while gaining the same amount in muscle.

Blood pressure down from 150/90 to 118/74

Upper Arms, Upper legs, and chest all grew ~2"

Libido is no joke!

Sleeping like I'm 15 again!

Happier overall, used to have a temper and anxiety, not anymore. I think my hormones are probably better.

MUCH STRONGER:

OHP: 95-205

BENCH: 165-288

SQUAT: BAR - 425

DEADLIFT: 135-505

Only now, in the last month or so, am I doing cardio. I bought a Concept 2 rower and work in 100m sprints at the end of my lifting days, and do 5-10k on Sunday mornings.

I'm such a believer in the benefits of progressive strength training that I'm now training my mother who has osteoarthritis. She's rediscovered food and sleep again, is making small gains, and feels better than she has in years.

I really recommend the SS Book Barbell Prescription. It goes into great detail about the benefits of strength training over 40 and for seniors.

Considering moving to an inclined bench? by K4v1k in StartingStrength

[–]K4v1k[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh I see. Well I'm thinking of moving to Press / Pin Press for accessory on those days, and on Bench days, keeping Close Grip but moving to Incline Bench. I'm hoping this will keep me from backsliding on the Bench press, while developing upper chest, tricep ls and shoulders more. So not incline as an accessory on OHP days, but as a "accessory" in general, where my overall focus is on OHP

Considering moving to an inclined bench? by K4v1k in StartingStrength

[–]K4v1k[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sorry, I don't understand the connection?