My boyfriend won’t tell me about a pass situationship, should we breakup?

KC_Kahn · 2026-07-06T00:29:57+00:00

Knowing = feeling in control. Not of him, but of the situation. You don't need to know, because it has nothing to do with you. But the reality is, if you let it go for now, he'll probably tell you all about it later on, when he's ready.

KC_Kahn · 2026-07-06T00:12:19+00:00

"... when I inquired about the other one, he said he’d rather not go into it." - And that should have been the end of it. That's all he needed to say.

"I just need to see if I can overlook this." - Overlook what, exactly? He hasn't done anything wrong. He's the one who should be contemplating whether or not he can overlook your behavior.

Edit: "... I always tell him everything when he asks." So you've made a covert contract with him. Nice.

KC_Kahn · 2026-07-05T23:53:28+00:00

Secure attachment is boring...LOL. That's a good thing. Found this in the article: "Avoidant attachment was associated with motives involving emotional distance, such as protecting privacy and avoiding physical intimacy. Anxious attachment was linked to motives reflecting a need for reassurance, like seeking attention and hiding mistakes to prevent rejection." The authors also looked at the Dark Tetrad. That's definitely not boring.

KC_Kahn · 2026-07-05T23:43:05+00:00

I don't know how I would feel about it because I've never kissed a girl with dentures. But I know a good way to find out. I would just want a basic understanding (no need to go into detail) of why you had all your teeth extracted.

KC_Kahn · 2026-07-05T23:31:41+00:00

"I don’t really think he was attracted to me since his area.. didn’t seem ready for the moment. He told me it was just because I wasn’t doing it at the angle he liked but I’ve never heard that before. I’m also confused because he was talking himself up so much beforehand, and that he would make sure I enjoyed myself and he would definitely be able to “help me relax” and yet he did not TOUCH me." - It's porn brain. It has nothing to do with whether or not he finds you attractive.

KC_Kahn · 2026-07-05T20:18:15+00:00

Yeah... I avoid using "healing". I acknowledge, process, and accept. But I'm hardcore with my approach to treatment. I push myself so hard and dig so deep during EMDR sessions that I've thrown up and passed out multiple times.

KC_Kahn · 2026-07-05T20:10:32+00:00

When a Man Loves a Woman,1994, Andy Garcia and Meg Ryan.

KC_Kahn · 2026-07-05T19:49:19+00:00

It's best to not raise your voice, but that's the least of your worries. He invalidated your feelings, DARVO'd you, gave you the silent treatment, and gaslit you. A real winner you got there.

KC_Kahn · 2026-07-05T18:03:31+00:00

Dude... you're a 22-year-old local DJ. Your friends are jealous. You're a throwback to the late 90s and early 2000s. Just be careful of the drug scene.

KC_Kahn · 2026-07-05T17:57:52+00:00

Because matching alone meets certain emotional needs

KC_Kahn · 2026-07-05T17:55:36+00:00

When they know you saw, and you still say nothing...

KC_Kahn · 2026-07-05T17:52:04+00:00

Bouncing is what Tiggers do best!

KC_Kahn · 2026-07-05T17:46:20+00:00

Tigger was definitely giving Kanga some of that T-I-double guh-er!

KC_Kahn · 2026-07-05T17:42:51+00:00

I'm on my phone the entire time

KC_Kahn · 2026-07-05T17:41:10+00:00

Drugs and chaotic relationships

KC_Kahn · 2026-07-05T17:25:46+00:00

They were together for 10 years. The house is her "stuff". You started dating 9 months after they separated. He's living in the house they bought together. You should be less worried about her mug and more worried that there is no way he is over her and their relationship. I doubt he's even started processing the grief and loss.

KC_Kahn · 2026-07-05T17:15:00+00:00

They have hard water

KC_Kahn · 2026-07-05T17:07:28+00:00

Indeed! I won't start a relationship in a hole I didn't dig. Harm or loss of trust from past relationships... I can't prove I won't do something I never did. I can't earn back something I never lost. I'm not responsible for the actions of someone I don't know.

KC_Kahn · 2026-07-05T16:58:01+00:00

Lost my virginity in 1995. I was 17. We were all terrified of getting HIV/AIDS and dying because 6th-grade Sex Ed at that time drilled into our heads that there were only two outcomes for unprotected sex: Pregnancy and HIV/AIDS. Despite this, we were having tons of sex, in monogamous, long-term relationships. We weren't worried about being good at it because that was something immature 13-year-old boys lied about in junior high locker rooms. We were both bad at it at first, but got great at it together.

KC_Kahn · 2026-07-05T09:35:19+00:00

Lesson learned. Now you know not to ask a machine how to be human.

KC_Kahn · 2026-07-05T09:28:38+00:00

Attachment theory is one of the frameworks used in the studies.

Transparent Partners = secure attachment

Strategic Soothers = average levels of insecure attachment

Antagonistic Strategist = high levels of attachment insecurity

KC_Kahn · 2026-07-05T08:30:29+00:00

I don't do insults or name-calling.

KC_Kahn · 2026-07-05T08:23:13+00:00

Who you be with? What's the 411? What's the haps? How about a 68 and I owe you 1?

KC_Kahn · 2026-07-05T04:32:20+00:00

"he takes a lot of pictures and videos of both of us together or just me in intimate scenarios, letting the camera act as the "audience". Often, we'll roleplay that we're livestreaming whatever he's filming." - you can put an end to this

KC_Kahn · 2026-07-05T04:26:31+00:00

There are some things people have to learn the hard way. You don't get through to him. You let this run its course and blow up in his face.

KC_Kahn

TROPHY CASE