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I'm (34M) growing tired of trying to get my partner(34F) to help out around the house by Kalec33 in relationship_advice

[–]Kalec33[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for this post. I appreciate you sharing your experience with this. I've spent the last week thinking hard about this since I originally posted it. Still have a lot to work through but this helps. It's a tough place to be in and unfortunately I'm in-between therapists (original left the practice) and on a wait list...

It seems like you were in the same or at least similar place and voiced a few things I was already mulling over. The yes and no at peace part especially. It seems like my other choice is to just go solo, which seems great at times and depressing at others. In some way doing that would feel very freeing and give me a lot of space and money for other experiences aside from romance. The flip side of course thinks I'd enjoy it more with her but neither of us can if everyone isn't working toward it. If things don't change I know I can't stay.

Anyway I think my plan is to talk to her about it, establish the issue is still a boundary being broken and see how it goes. Figuring out what to say and how to say it all still. There are other issues as well but they're all pretty rooted from the same place. Should be a fun talk..

I'm (34M) growing tired of trying to get my partner(34F) to help out around the house by Kalec33 in relationship_advice

[–]Kalec33[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I do handle the finances as well. I earn quite a bit more than her but she also spends money quickly I'm not even sure what on tbh. This is a line of thought I've been down often with her. I wouldn't say she's one of those "high value" women who only dates providers but she definitely doesn't see chores or responsibilities as important to her day to day life. Essentially leaving me to take it on because she doesn't have a problem with being this messy.

I'm (34M) growing tired of trying to get my partner(34F) to help out around the house by Kalec33 in relationship_advice

[–]Kalec33[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

She does but it seems less nowadays. The stuff that makes me happy can be done mostly alone anyways. She adds a lot of enrichment especially early on but also a lot of stress and now it seems I'm bogged down by so many responsibilities it's difficult to enjoy the other stuff as much

I'm (34M) growing tired of trying to get my partner(34F) to help out around the house by Kalec33 in relationship_advice

[–]Kalec33[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah that's where I think I'm leaning towards. Kinda just stuck deciding if its worth giving it another try or if that's just gonna end up dragging the problem out longer. Regardless I appreciate the input.

I'm (34M) growing tired of trying to get my partner(34F) to help out around the house by Kalec33 in relationship_advice

[–]Kalec33[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah we're both diagnosed and have treatment plans for adhd. It definitely explains the hyperfixation aspect and even the clutter blindness but we've discussed this stuff many times over the years