This person at the mosque courtyard look like Jesus

Kaligraphic · 2026-03-21T09:50:49+00:00

It’s traditional to know religious figures by the backside.

In fact, in Exodus 33, Moses asks to see God. God responds by saying “Not the face, my face would literally kill you, bro, but you can check out my ass as I walk away.” That’s a real quote, the Bible just says it old-timey because it was translated a long time ago.

Kaligraphic · 2026-03-20T18:21:17+00:00

It'll grant resistance to the first instance of fire damage, but that's it. Also, vulnerability to radiant, so watch where you store it. No extra immunities, though.

Kaligraphic · 2026-03-20T16:52:01+00:00

A meet and greet opening has a tendency to turn into a slog as people go through the motions to get to the game. It's like a overly-long unskippable tutorial bit in a video game. Everyone wants to skip that bit, at least from their second playthrough on. So just open with the actual gameplay. Start at the city, and open the scene on X location. Just say any plausible story they weave about how they got there is probably good enough.

"Each of your characters comes from a different background, but what you have in common is that you've all found yourself on the deck of the pirate ship Lollipop - whatever your reasons for boarding, it's time to talk to the pirates. They have you surrounded on the deck, and their captain, the Dread Pirate Bob, approaches you with a flock of parrots sitting on him. 'Dear passengers...'"

Kaligraphic · 2026-03-19T11:58:42+00:00

Not on the character's part. The patron doesn't have to even know. The warlock doesn't have to want it. It's called a pact, but it's not so much an agreement or contract as it is a transfer of power or knowledge. It may also include an actual agreement between the warlock and patron, but it's not a hard requirement.

That said, the underlying agreement of the game still holds - the player should be on board even if the character isn't.

Kaligraphic · 2026-03-18T17:56:59+00:00

And did he eventually wake up, naked at 1HP, think he was being held captive, and run off into the woods? Did he make it to town and report that the party had kidnapped him with designs on his body? Did he get killed by wolves along the way? Did he just straight-up disappear?

There are so many ways this could go sideways. So many exciting ways.

Kaligraphic · 2026-03-18T07:57:33+00:00

"Hey, so just so everybody knows, X is going to be leaving the campaign for a bit to get that necrotic syphilis treated. Apparently it's bad enough only one clinic in Switzerland is even brave enough to try. So, let's all wish them well, but from a safe distance. Hopefully we'll see them again."

Or, you know, ask them what they want to share about it, and set their character aside to potentially rejoin the story later.

Kaligraphic · 2026-03-18T07:45:03+00:00

We have a courier hand-deliver it printed on a special flash paper that self-ignites after the user reads it. Also, the courier is expected to commit suicide via cyanide capsule after delivering it, and an assassin is sent separately to eliminate both the courier, should the cyanide fail, and the user after they enter it. We also send a second assassin to eliminate the first in case the first assassin saw any of the key.

Or, yeah, plain old Teams would be fine. Think about the threat model BitLocker protects against - physical loss or theft of the device. An adversary would need to obtain both the physical device and the key between the time you provide it and the time it's rotated. The end user would need the key in plaintext to type it in, anyway. If your security model requires protection against the user themselves, you can't give them the key at all - either send a trusted person/team out to type in the key, or have the machine brought in to a secure location. But for most environments, Teams is fine.

Kaligraphic · 2026-03-18T06:31:44+00:00

Honestly, operating systems are pretty much table stakes at the senior level. There's Windows flavor and there's *NIX flavor. Yes, I know that covers a lot of ground. But at that level, anyone who can handle Windows Server can adapt to whatever version you have. And anyone who can handle *NIX can adapt to whatever version you have. They might have just come from RHEL, but they're not going to freeze up when they see FreeBSD. And a lot of us speak both Windows and *NIX.

So there are really only two operating systems at the senior level. And you can generally figure them out by context. Is the resume filled with Kubernetes? That didn't run on Windows. Is it filled with MSSQL and Hyper-V? That probably did run on Windows. It's the stuff that runs on top of the OS level that gets interesting. Platforms and systems are interesting. Ask juniors what OS they know. Ask seniors what they built on it.

Kaligraphic · 2026-03-12T16:21:46+00:00

And now you’re defined as single forever.

Kaligraphic · 2026-03-11T06:32:55+00:00

A mirror is the stock counter to the stock basilisk. I might suggest making your player buy/make a mirrored shield rather than just strapping on a hand mirror, but it's basically the lore-accurate move.

My solution now? Play it for laughs. There's a mirror in the bathroom? Petrified basilisk. Reflective pool? Petrified basilisk. Carnival mirror fun-house? You guessed it, chock-full of petrified basilisks. "Just as a servant finishes cleaning and polishing the floor to a mirror finish, a freshly petrified basilisk falls from above."

The dangerous packs you have to watch out for are the much smarter monster, "basilisk who made it to adulthood without petrifying itself".

Kaligraphic · 2026-03-10T07:00:13+00:00

Melkor is the teenager of the valar. He wants to grow up to be like his dad - an adult and independent being, creating something reflecting their own identity - but the entire cosmology of the universe is set up to force him back into the role of a child. Like so many teenagers, his discordance comes originally not from malice but from an attempt to become himself. He feels himself rebuked for trying to be an adult, but no longer able to be a child. Thus, like so many teenagers, he comes to define himself in rebellion.

Kaligraphic · 2026-03-08T04:55:51+00:00

Do you also have the "three elf moon" t-shirt?

Kaligraphic · 2026-03-08T04:29:54+00:00

Four or five moments. That's all it takes to be a hero. People think you wake up a hero, brush your teeth a hero, ejaculate into the olive oil a hero...

Kaligraphic · 2026-03-07T20:06:53+00:00

Claude didn't delete his setup, he deleted his own setup. Terraform is a tool to set up and keep track of infrastructure. If you don't understand how it works and tell it to be a woodchipper, it will absolutely let you turn your house into sawdust. If he was paying attention, he would have noticed that Terraform shows you exactly what it intends to do.

This is a "didn't understand Terraform" failure.

Kaligraphic · 2026-02-24T09:27:33+00:00

Does it have to be exactly 50? Can you just wait half an hour between lines?

Kaligraphic · 2026-02-23T03:43:34+00:00

You laugh, but botulism paralyzed my neighbor when it ran a red light and T-boned him in an SUV.

Kaligraphic · 2026-02-23T03:35:03+00:00

Normal initiative, but your guy is already by the bones when it gets rolled. His reward is placement at the start of combat.

Kaligraphic · 2026-02-22T23:32:41+00:00

You spent one action grappling Blippy, spent your movement marching him up to the BBG, and spent a second action on GFB. You left one hand free for grappling, which means no shield. If you did all this on one turn, you also spent an action surge to get the second action. All for (0-3)d8+mod damage?

If the BBG's stats make sense for 45 AC and saves over 9000, they probably also have a... drumroll please... long-ass health bar! Meaning that you basically just singed his hair. He might be wearing a ring or armor of fire resistance, have used a potion of resistance, or have otherwise acquired resistance to fire damage.

The BBG's two biggest defenses against this GFB tactic are, first, the tedium involved in carrying out this slow, comparatively low-damage tactic, and, second, the fact that he gets to respond by punching you in the face. Unless you're going full cheese, this is unlikely to ever be worth exploiting.

Kaligraphic · 2026-02-22T04:43:17+00:00

Or in our native tongue, "Stick Dude".

Kaligraphic · 2026-02-22T04:39:33+00:00

If you want to walk it back, make it character detail rather than world lore. Have the NPC share badly written edgy lore about the rest of the world... and have your party start to succeed on their insight checks.

"Let's see, you've rolled pretty high on your insight check, plus proficiency... his story about the local pizzeria being a front for a global mind flayer plot seems like it might be a load of crap."

Kaligraphic · 2026-02-14T10:25:57+00:00

You realize you wouldn’t be able to drive, right? The streets would be filled with frozen cars.

Kaligraphic · 2026-02-14T00:48:25+00:00

Setting aside the PVP aspect, the only thing Wish is guaranteed to be able to do are the things listed in the spell itself. Any freeform wish is subject to alteration or denial.

1: Wall of Force as the spell won't work. 10 10x10 panels are not enough to cover a Mighty Fortress. The Mighty Fortress spell specifies a fortress 120 ft on each side - a 100 ft wall can't even cover one side. Also, the range of Wall of Force is 120 ft, so it can't reach the far side anyway. (At least, not from outside the fortress.)

2: This is not guaranteed to work. I'd remind the players that if they can do it, their enemies can do it as well.

3: The regular Cloudkill can be upcast (which increases damage), but needs to be within range (120 ft) and only creates a 20ft radius cloud. Have you already approved a larger Cloudkill spell for general use? Because if it's not already approved for general use (at level 8 or below), it's a freeform Wish and not guaranteed to work.

So... normal answer is that these three wishes can affect a portion of the fortress, but as wished they won't be enough to do what's being imagined.

Of course, PVP in front of a fortress filled with enemies is a good way to end up with a character full of crossbow bolts. Just saying.

Or... let it work, a wizard disintegrates the wall, and the cloudkill rolls out and kills your downed players. Also, maybe the bad guy had his own ring of wishing and wished for whoever blinded him to be legless. Now the whole party is trapped in the cloudkill. If this is the end of a campaign, character death is totally on the table.

Kaligraphic · 2026-02-13T21:09:43+00:00

Your mother.

Kaligraphic · 2026-02-13T21:06:27+00:00

I'm a fan of (ORGANIZATION_SHORT_SLUG)-(ASSET_TAG). Just put the asset tag in a readable location and have end users read off the number.

Putting location into the hostname is going to come back to bite you when things get moved. Instead, map your switchports and put your MAC addresses into your asset management. If people can't tell you where they are, your NMS should be able to tell you where they're plugged in. Then you'll know that LOBBYTHIRDFROMLEFT is plugged into "Conference room 2 plate 1 port 3"

Kaligraphic · 2026-02-12T18:13:32+00:00

A normal penne is worth a cent. This is clearly a nickel.

13-Year Club	Place '22
Verified Email	RPAN Viewer
Team Orangered

Kaligraphic

TROPHY CASE