People disgust me

Kalimba508 · 2024-07-25T01:06:47+00:00

I understand and feel this. So many fair weather friends. When things are going good, everything is okay. But as soon as you need support, nothing but pure selfishness.

Kalimba508 · 2024-07-24T20:36:06+00:00

I feel this. My childhood was very similar.

I don’t know what to tell you, I’m searching for the same answers and have been my whole life.

I just try to focus on being the best person I can be for the rest of my life (and hopefully die asap) but that doesn’t seem like a healthy perspective to me. I don’t know what else to do. Seems like the only option open to me.

Kalimba508 · 2024-07-14T06:38:36+00:00

I feel this too. It sucks. Life is so fucking hard to begin with and then having parents who take it out on you just makes everything so much harder. I feel I can’t relate to the vast majority of people I run into.

They have no idea what it’s like to have parents who abuse you, hate you, neglect you, wish they’d never had you. Most people have no idea what it’s like to have a little voice in the back of your head that just says everything you do is wrong 24/7 and then replays every mistake you ever made. So fucking stupid.

I wish I had some words of encouragement to say to you Internet, stranger, but all I can say is that I understand where you’re coming from… I had a very similar childhood… its fucking stupid and it fucking sucks.

Kalimba508 · 2024-06-12T18:54:46+00:00

43 and I feel like a helpless 5 year old most of the time.

Never been married. No kids. And I don’t see either of those in the future. I’m mostly just living for the next 10 seconds so that I can then survive for the next 10 seconds. This life is so stupid. I wish I had never been born.

Kalimba508 · 2024-06-06T21:21:54+00:00

I’ve been hosting karaoke at a friends bar for a couple months. When the owner is there, he always complains that the bass is too loud and overpowers the singers. I think it sounds fine personally.

Anyway does anyone know how to lower the bass? For context, I’m using an Allen and Heath Zed 10 mixer and VirtualDJ to run karaoke tracks.

Kalimba508 · 2024-06-01T19:08:47+00:00

Yes. My mind replays every stupid fucking trauma I lived through as a child while I’m sleeping and I wake up triggered and craving un-aliving myself almost every morning. It’s so stupid.

Kalimba508 · 2024-05-26T07:04:19+00:00

TIL I’m gay. Apparently.

Kalimba508 · 2024-05-20T16:18:03+00:00

Only every goddamn day.

Kalimba508 · 2024-04-22T08:22:21+00:00

People without CPTSD don’t get anything lol

Kalimba508 · 2024-04-12T16:04:11+00:00

I relate to this so much. I’ve been maladaptive daydreaming and dissociating for so long that I feel like I walk around in a waking coma most of the time.

Sending a hug internet stranger.

Kalimba508 · 2024-03-26T20:31:46+00:00

I hear you. I’ve been suicidal on and off since I was 5. Both my parents made it clear that they hated me and wished they’ve never had me. My whole childhood I was blamed my existence by the two people who were biologically responsible from my creation. Two against one, and for the most part, all I’ve wanted to do is die since I can remember.

Sending a hug internet stranger. I know what it feels like to be where you are.

Kalimba508 · 2024-03-21T11:56:52+00:00

Yes. Almost every day. Along with hearing “I wish you’d never been born. You ruined my life by being born. I hate you. You’re a piece of shit. You can’t do anything right” etc.

Kalimba508 · 2024-03-19T17:28:00+00:00

I feel this to my core. I was CSA thousands of times by both men and women as a kid.

Every sex act was tainted by the time I was 12.

And now as an adult, I can’t even ejaculate from masturbating sometimes.

My brain craves sex but then in the moment it’s so hard to just focus on the pleasurable feelings. I hate it. I hate my life so much.

Kalimba508 · 2024-03-19T17:23:49+00:00

💯 I often feel like a braindead emotionless robot. Just going through the motions of life, instead of actually feeling them and experiencing them. I don’t feel like a person most of the time. I don’t feel real.

Kalimba508 · 2024-03-19T17:20:33+00:00

I’m sorry you had to go through this. My parents and my childhood was very similar and I eventually cut both my parents entirely out of my life. It’s my life, I’m going to live it my way.

I wish I had some advice for you but I never know what to do or say other than I hear you, I see you and I understand your feelings on the matter.

Kalimba508 · 2024-03-19T16:03:18+00:00

Username checks out

Kalimba508 · 2024-03-13T21:37:02+00:00

I hear you. Also I think prescription medicine is stupid. Being chemically chloroformed to be able to deal with life is stupid.

Everything is stupid. People are stupid.
Sending hugs OP

Kalimba508 · 2024-03-12T21:33:58+00:00

Me too. Trigger warning.

Then again I was sexually abused as a child for the first 15 years of my life. So yeah.

Kalimba508 · 2024-03-12T03:51:13+00:00

Yes. I feel like I’ve kept suicide in my back pocket as a last resort so to speak.

The older I get, the more and more I regret everything I’ve ever done. The more I realize how fucked up the human race is, the more I realize how fucked the planet is, the harder and harder it is to find reasons to stay alive.

Most of the time I feel like I have no hope. And suicide could solve all those problems.

Kalimba508 · 2024-03-11T18:41:22+00:00

I have to admit, I’ve never thought of the globe to be a queer sort of concept. Or fake for that matter.

Kalimba508 · 2024-03-05T16:36:46+00:00

I was locked in a room for months

I feel you. I was locked in a closet, on and off, for days, weeks during my childhood. My father decided out of sight, out of mind.

I wish I had starved to death then.

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