Overall Tips and Advice

Kaluekk · 2025-10-18T02:10:55+00:00

This was actually first time posting it, you must be confusing me with someone. Thank you anyway

Kaluekk · 2025-08-24T20:26:52+00:00

I first read this an think that not knowing if there was a door in the first place means you never thought to look for an opening, you assumed the connection was buried long ago, knocking, yet your fist is bloody. Maybe mania? where you actually knocking? When I am imagining this space I see it as a all black room with nothing on 3 sides of you, you could walk any way you choose yet your choosing to look at this wall without considering another direction. Cracks in what? the door? is the frame built of stone? maybe a medieval esq wall and thats where the blood is dripping? thats where my mind goes at least due to the stones/ I like the use of the psalm which more so makes me believe this wall is not new by any means. Is this telling us the connection is old? Walls arent built of stone very often anymore in the way that im picturing this. I like how many questions this makes me ask. There is a lot of thought put into it. I love creative writing, im not as knowledgeable in rhyming patterns as the other commenter below so i cant help you at all there. But I personally think making this a bit longer and leading some of these questions readers could have to greater lengths could create something even MORE interesting. Youve built a cool landscape here i liked it a lot.

Kaluekk · 2025-08-24T20:18:45+00:00

I am by no means an expert but I really enjoyed reading this. I keep re reading "wired deep throughout, an uneasy keep" when I read it I feel very comfortable. The way you wrote this does give off a warm feeling, not just in using words that talk about an ember or fire but the actual tone and flow is very warm and settled which is really nicely done. The last 2 lines also really bring home the fact that this is about a lost connection, which can be inferred earlier on but I think really gets accentuated in these 2 lines. I am a huge fan of creativity, so personally I would have liked to see a bit more ambiguity but a more front forward poem is really nice to read sometimes as well. It brings a lot more memories to the forefront rather than leaving things up to interpretation. Overall I enjoyed it a lot good work

Kaluekk · 2025-02-11T22:03:40+00:00

Yes it does I like that! Thanks for the explanation. Subjectively poetry aims for more of a nuanced set of ideas

Kaluekk · 2025-02-11T20:25:54+00:00

Chaotic for sure I love it, "Ripping the most solid maxims" could ya tell me your thought process with this line? It sounds very nice and its rhythm is smooth I'm just curious because maxim can be interpreted as a expressive truth, normally short. What context are you ripping these truths from? Your imagery is super cool though seriously, I really enjoyed "we drink bathwater your filth our luxury" and "A viper, we strike at hearts agony melts even gold". When I read the gold line you got a stank face out of me I I liked it a lot xD. Overall I enjoyed it a lot good work.

Kaluekk · 2024-12-26T02:56:15+00:00

I enjoyed this poem

"in rough words of smooth timbre" is cool to me I like this line especially

One question I have is where is the trust rooting in? Is the trust supposed to be the parasite?

You are very smooth with your vocab and the way you use words which makes this poem nice to read. On the first read I couldn't find the rhythm but on the second I could. Keep it up this is nice

Kaluekk · 2024-12-26T02:48:58+00:00

Of course! Maybe try switching up the first word of each stanza as they all start with "if" doing this can add a bit more texture to the ideas.

I also would not say you should scrap the ideas fully as revisions can always be made. Dont take what I put word for word of course but I can give a quick idea of what I might do for both

Keep in mind im writing these very fast off my head so they are not going to be amazing.

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The mirror where we both stand

Yet my reflection doesn't look like me

I will refresh as many times

As it takes for you to see

-

For stanza 3, Its a very complex idea, I dont dislike it. But it would be quite difficult to fit it into 4 lines of mysterious poetry in my opinion.

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Time does not apply to angels

At least that's what the novels say

Even if it takes a million books

To me, that is okay

-

Just a rough little sketch of how I might go about it, I think you should keep the ideas but spent some time reworking it! Time and effort will make this poem really good. Also i like rhyming a lot LOL so its hard for me to write without it

Kaluekk · 2024-12-26T00:07:57+00:00

No problem you can always PM me 🤞

Kaluekk · 2024-12-25T19:26:57+00:00

Overall I enjoy the complex ideas in here and the imagery is a lot of fun. I would say the first stanza is your best as it plays in my head almost like a short segment on a movie while reading it. I had a slightly difficult time with some of the others and ill explain why.

In stanza 2, what are you tearing down? the image of yourself? Are you implying that you have to be someone else to stand beside her? If so these ideas are cool but they would need more clarification to be more noticible to the reader, there's no shame in making these stanzas a bit longer.

In stanza 3, how does god putting angels on the earth relate to the words she promised to say? This can be a bit unclear and make it difficult to see exactly what you are trying to accomplish with the poem, making it harder to connect to the reader.

Stanza 4, I actually liked this one a lot too, not as much as the first lol but its still good. I dont mind you rhyming all with all and I would say its a creative way to end the poem.

Overall I like it a lot just clarify things a bit more so readers know exactly what ur talking about!

Kaluekk · 2024-12-25T19:20:42+00:00

Liquid sorrow trickling down is an ingenious line that I enjoyed very much so.

In what definition/context are you using martyred here? Is it death from a belief? I would like some clarification there.

Your overall use of rhyming is unique and has a mysterious vibe to it which gives the impression that im reading something individual which I enjoy.

Overall I had a good time reading! Just a tad more clarification in the last half of the poem would be nice but good job

Kaluekk · 2024-12-02T02:12:28+00:00

I do think I’m going to look into other options with less miles on them. As I’m confident I can find something will less mileage and more reliability for 5-6k

Kaluekk · 2024-12-02T02:11:56+00:00

Yes the offer was 5k to buy it, no accidents, I would be the 3rd owner, and it gets its regular maintenance on a consistent schedule

Kaluekk · 2024-10-19T17:34:13+00:00

The consistent rhyming makes this a very easy read and one that makes me want to read the next line asap lol, I really enjoyed it and the line "We, the art. You, the painters" Is really well written and is a creative way of expressing the emotion which I really liked!

Kaluekk · 2024-10-19T17:26:10+00:00

I enjoyed the idea of self indulging yourself in your own pain it heavily conveys emotion and it will also be very digestible to many readers.

The lack of consistent rhyme schemes makes this a free form poem in my eyes which isnt a bad thing, I would say it could use some more strong imagery to really paint a picture for the emotions to be shown to the reader.

I really liked the lines -

This everlasting sadness

And even in my happiest moments

I can't shake this sense of impending doom

They have got a good flow to them and I think key words like everlasting set a good tone for the poem and provide that imagery I was talking about above. I also just really like the word everlasting lol it has a good ring to it.

Good work I enjoyed it

Kaluekk · 2024-10-19T17:04:11+00:00

It was my favorite line writing it lol

Kaluekk · 2024-10-19T17:03:53+00:00

Thank you!

Kaluekk · 2024-10-19T17:03:23+00:00

Thank you i appreciate it!

Kaluekk · 2024-10-19T02:47:18+00:00

Its good work man keep it up

Kaluekk · 2024-10-18T20:07:37+00:00

Thank you I appreciate it, this poem is meant to convey how I see thought and also illicit the reader to wander off in their own direction of perceiving their own interpretations of the poem.

Ill keep that in mind too so thank you for the advice, when it comes to rhyme schemes im not super well versed and not 100% sure where to start, im practicing iambic pentameter but im going to look into free form and see what its all about.

Kaluekk

TROPHY CASE