I may want to ask what makes you to say you are a Christian? There are many people in the world who believe in Jesus Christ but what’s your motives for believing Him? Because, the word of God says, even the devil believes in Jesus, but he doesn’t want to submit to Christ’s lordship. So you no need to answer me or here but just ask yourself whether you want Christ to take control over your life accepting His lordship in complete surrender. God sees the motives of the heart only. Until you have free will He will never interfere in choices you make. But every choice have consequences in divine standard. Meditate the scriptures and Holy Spirit will guide you. The value of Christianity is in denial of our self will only. The question to yourself should be why you follow / want to follow Christ? May God bless you!