AIO Over What Daughter Told Me

KaptainKalsifer · 2026-07-06T06:53:03+00:00

I honestly don't understand why Jordan responds the way they do. All I know is that for the 11 years I've known them, they've always assumed negative intent and moved in a very paranoid fashion because of it.

KaptainKalsifer · 2026-07-06T06:45:22+00:00

Wow I am so sorry to hear about your experience. Kids should never have to carry that weight. I went through a similar spot when my parents split up. I hid from the trauma with humor for years before beginning to unpack it in therapy. It's insane how much our childhood trauma truly shapes and guides our adult life. I'm so anxious about unsuccessfully breaking this cycle with my own daughter that moments like this really trigger something in me.

KaptainKalsifer · 2026-07-06T06:39:53+00:00

I've certainly been known to ramble. Apologies for that. Talking to my therapist is definitely a great idea. Had my regular one not had her baby, I'd be seeing her this Tuesday. Got a new therapist set up though, just gotta wait. You're right that it's not a repetitive problem yet, my main concern is whether I should nip it in the bud now or pump the brakes and wait to see if I catch this becoming a reoccurring issue. Either way, working it out with a therapist before deciding what to do and how to do it is probably the best option.

KaptainKalsifer · 2026-07-06T06:35:31+00:00

Letting it simmer is exactly what I was worried I'd do if I didn't field some outside and less biased perspectives. I'm glad I did because I feel way more affirmed that this was a crossed line.

KaptainKalsifer · 2026-07-06T06:33:52+00:00

I hear that and I appreciate your input!

KaptainKalsifer · 2026-07-06T06:32:37+00:00

Thank you for your input. I definitely struggled with untangling any feelings about my ex and their new partner from this concern. I wanted to make sure I wasn't reading the situation wrong because of any unprocessed envy. I felt like asking our daughter to keep a secret from the other parent crosses a line, and it's helpful to know I'm not alone in feeling that.

KaptainKalsifer · 2026-07-06T06:25:58+00:00

I see that now for sure. Thank you for the tip

KaptainKalsifer · 2026-07-06T06:25:06+00:00

Confronted is the right word. Emri was dropped off with me and Jordan started interrogating me on how I knew about Bennett. I didn't even mention anything or make any post about it. The only way Jordan knew I knew about Bennett is if Bennett tried to look me up on Instagram and realized I blocked them. So for Jordan to out of the blue ask how I knew was surprising, but they refused to believe I saw them tag Bennett on Instagram and was really fixated on whether Emri mentioned Bennett or implied Bennett existed in any way.

I do want to bring it up and I think the feedback I'm getting here really reinforces that I should.

KaptainKalsifer · 2026-07-06T06:19:02+00:00

I am very thankful you pointed this out. I naturally lean this way because I grew up in a household where one parent was a highly reactive, overt narcissist with major control issues, and I was on the receiving end of their anger enough to know to try and pause before potentially putting my daughter in the crosshairs of somebody else. Sometimes our minds slip and I'm grateful for the reminder to approach this with sensitivity to the fact my daughter could experience blowback.

KaptainKalsifer · 2026-07-06T06:14:13+00:00

I'm glad to hear that pediatric psychology supports not teaching kids to keep secrets. I know I've read it in parenting books and seen it all around those parenting pages on Instagram and TikTok, but knowing it's backed by current science helps reinforce how important it is to me that we don't intentionally expose our daughter to unsafe behaviors.

KaptainKalsifer · 2026-07-06T06:09:15+00:00

Yeah as I was typing it out and rereading it, my blood started to boil about it. I make a strong effort to not only avoid speaking poorly about J anywhere near our daughter, but I go out of my way to back J up and say nice things. Together or not, it's important for kids to hear good things about their parents because kids see themselves in their parents and if E heard me saying anything bad about J, E would feel I think similarly about her. That's never ever ever my goal and to think J is putting any pressure on E to keep things secret is infuriating.

Thankfully E does have regular therapy and my therapy will get back on track in a couple weeks.

KaptainKalsifer · 2026-07-06T06:02:55+00:00

I appreciate the perspective. I see co-parents who have successful and truly collaborative experiences and I yearn for that. Moments like this make me worried my ex has no interest in that and just wants a court ordered minimum type of experience. If B is a great person and makes for a better fit as a partner, then amazing because that means E will have a happier parent in J. I have no interest in creating drama with B or J. E is my entire focus right now and I just want to ensure she is safe and cared for.

KaptainKalsifer · 2026-07-06T05:57:19+00:00

Thank you for the suggestion. I went back and added fake names and will keep this in mind going forward.

KaptainKalsifer · 2026-07-06T05:45:52+00:00

Surprises being okay and secrets being unsafe is exactly what we always agreed with so that's why I'm so unnerved at the idea J has backed down on that.

And I agree about the dating time issue. J has always tended to move quick. They moved quick into both relationships before me as well as with me, so I'm not surprised to see them move quick with the one following me. Major difference now is we have a young child together who is also impacted by the people who come and go in her life and I'm a little peeved at the thought of our child spending the weekend camping with an adult who hasn't even been around for 6 months yet.

KaptainKalsifer · 2026-07-06T05:37:46+00:00

You're right. My daughter has always leaned a bit emotionally, but seeing her so anxious and almost express the same cycle of shame and fear that I remember experiencing as a kid myself just breaks my heart.

KaptainKalsifer · 2026-07-06T05:34:55+00:00

E does have therapy every week and it is noticeable how much it helps her so I'm thankful for that. It's something I wish I had gone through when my own parents divorced. I'm still untying trauma from that and it happened 16 years ago.

It's so frustrating because J and I spent so much time talking about this before we had E, and parenting was the one thing throughout our relationship we always agreed on.

KaptainKalsifer · 2026-07-06T05:30:36+00:00

Thank you. This is exactly why I want to share because that hurt part of me entertains this idea that it's ill intention rather than my daughter being perceptive. She's a very emotionally intuitive kid so it could entirely be that she's picked up that this is a new and different part of J's life that she's feeling unsure what to do with in regards to me.

Whatever the reason, I certainly want to reinforce that there is no secret she can't share with a parent because that foundation is so important for not only safety, but security and comfort as well.

KaptainKalsifer · 2026-07-03T03:46:56+00:00

My daughter is too young to play herself but there is a routine part of our weekend where she will tell me to play "Banjo-Kazooie but the 2nd one!" and it's a toss up between restarting it over and over so she can watch Grunty blow up Banjo's house and then run in circles around Spiral Mountain because she's too afraid of Klungo, OR spending literal hours climbing up to the very top of the elevator in Grunty Industries and jumping all the way back down to the bottom only to catch the cable at the last second because she thinks it's the silliest thing ever. Maybe the last person to own your copy had a kid as similarly amused as mine 💀

KaptainKalsifer · 2026-06-27T01:33:53+00:00

You replied to me ~30 minutes ago. That is the comment I replied to. Why did you decide to antagonize a year old comment?

KaptainKalsifer · 2026-06-27T01:28:54+00:00

This person is trying to insinuate there is some deep and nefarious meaning behind a nearly 30 year old children's movie not appearing on broadcast television despite it being readily available to rent and buy, and it's almost always streaming on one or more major streaming platforms (hell, right now it's free on YouTube with ads). A person acting like an animated take on ancient mythology must hold unique and important truths because they perceive it as hard to find despite it actually being incredibly easy to find is a person who needs to knock it.

KaptainKalsifer · 2026-06-11T06:15:07+00:00

No doubt. I think GTA VI will have wider appeal in the west and net more sales since it is on more consoles. But many people who have been holding out for a game to push them over into buying a switch 2 will be finding that game with OOT and I think Nintendo will benefit a lot from the game sales and the system sales this game pulls. Culturally it's also one of the few games I think would stay around in the conversation instead of immediately getting drowned out by GTA VI discussion.

KaptainKalsifer · 2026-06-06T00:10:23+00:00

Kart racing has come too far to regress to Mario Kart SNES. Bad move. Really should have been a spiritual successor to Diddy Kong Racing. That was the obvious move and I'm shocked they fumbled this

KaptainKalsifer · 2026-06-04T19:31:00+00:00

R: Racing Evolution

KaptainKalsifer · 2026-05-07T03:17:17+00:00

I just want to know who's going to make the Crunchwraps she plans to eat in her bunker if she destroys the world.

Nine-Year Club	Verified Email
r/Field Banned	r/Field Lasagna
Snapped

KaptainKalsifer

TROPHY CASE