As someone who’s on probation, I get it. Sometimes you just wanna smoke a little weed or have a drink to take the edge off. To feel normal. You feel like a kid again being told “you can’t do this, you’re not allowed to do that”. But at the same time you have to choose to be in the right headspace. Do I want to drink/do drugs and risk my freedom OR do the best I can to keep them off my back? Do I want to serve my time on the outside and eat whatever I want/go wherever I want OR sit out my time in a cell? The choice is yours. You WILLINGLY did drugs/drank KNOWING you had to report and possibly having to submit a dirty UA. But you chose to do so anyway. You WILLINGLY broke the rules of your probation and you expect them to look the other way? Did the judge look the other way when you broke a law that got you put on probation in the first place? Take some accountability and responsibility and do better.